Detroit Automotive Meltdown

Dinner At Antoine's

2012-02-18T13:51:00.001-05:00

White tie and tails.

There really is a book Dinner At Antoine's by Francis Parkinson Keyes, partially set in the restaurant. It is a murder mystery. In those days it was understood that one dressed for dinner. Right next to these Uptown diners was a large group clad in flannel shirts. How times have changed. We had dinner once in the private 1840's room, decorated with some items from the book (the duck press) and if I can find the pictures I will post some of them. I wore a hat and pearls, it was fun.

We sat in the best area and had Eddie and Alan serving our dinner. One thing I loved, Eddie recorked the wine and put foil around it so I could finish it in the hotel room. Which I never did, but if I had wanted too . .

I forgot to take the picture for a minute or two, so this is after a bite or two, Crab Ravigote, delicious. Big Daddy had a special escargot dish and we both had fish for dinner. Mine was a tad dry, but okay.

Doesn't this dog look like he is saying, "You gotta be kidding me". The Barkus parade was not as good this year. Every asshat in town brought their own dog as if they thought the dogs wanted to watch the dogs. WTF.

And of course, the guy who did not know when to go home.

Its just not right

2012-02-17T15:49:00.000-05:00

I am sure he agrees, some things are just not done.

I will post soon on the Carnival festivities but this guy was just begging to be seen. WTF.

Put Big Daddy on the plane this afternoon and karma got him. We had the kids for dinner last night and he made the famous turkey pancetta loaf with spinach and mashed potatoes. He remarked later he should have sent some of the turkey loaf home with Punkin Head as he made enough for the entire neighborhood. He then made himself sandwiches for the flight back to China and forget them, hmm, I have dinner. Punkin Head said to try and freeze what I can't eat, don't know if it will work or not. Big Daddy said Delta is once again doing customer appreciation, the two meals are the same, printed on the menu, the same, you get the same shit twice on one flight. What is wrong with these people.

Today I figured out the channels on cable, problem is I have one television with HD and one without. The Lady brought me a beginners knitting book and some scrap yarn to play with. I also need to read the manual on the car as we cannot open the trunk or work the heater.

BD had a great job interview this week and may be getting an offer Monday or Tuesday. The other offers are in the works. Looks good for him right now, wait and see is the hardest.

Tonight the forcast is light snow and ice, lovely, and tomorrow snow. Glad I am stocked up for now as I am sure I cannot work the defroster on the car.

Why does Delta Airlines suck?

2012-02-14T14:26:00.000-05:00

Now that I am a newly repatriated American, or as Mexico likes to say Norte Americano, or as some might say, citizen of these United States, I no longer feel the need to be conciliatory to the asshats of the world. As Miss Donna would say, I feel like cutting-up. Yes, ma'am, I do feel the need to bitch.

I am one of those people that will take you at your word. Until you fuck me over. Then I might look for details that prove you to be a lying, thieving, piece of shit. That is why I must post about the whoring, asswipe, fecking idiots that work for Delta Airlines.

We made a deal, me and Delta. I would purchase their crappy flights and they would kinda get me where I wanted to go most of the time. Then The Spawn of Devil, aka Delta, started changing the rules. They were sneaky about it, never really admitting they were changing shit, they were just adjusting for the current economy. Their web-site sometimes reflected some changes and sometimes not.

My latest experience with the three headed dog from hell wannabees makes me wonder why people keep buying the products. The Medallion status gets you mostly nothing, the Sky Club is worthless and customer service is non-existant. Just so you know, I fly Delta because it is where I want to go (not that they always get me there), I live in a hub and everything else is a side benefit from a Plat AMEX (not a Delta AMEX), I do not go out of my way for this abuse.

First, their web-site states that Platinum status is upgraded according to a schedule. They publish the schedule. They publish your turn. They publish the odds; how many seats, how many hopefuls, your turn in line.

Then they don't do the upgrades and their response is "There are other airlines". Well, no shit, I am amazed, I thought all those other planes were phony big Tonka toys sitting at the gates.

Second, they blamed me. I am only Gold, and even though I was number 4 out of 4 on the fucking list, I was the hold-up. The web-site says upgrade at 5 days for Gold and 3 days for Plat. I don't care if you hold seats to make money, just say so, don't dangle shit in front of people. Okay, just admit you don't follow your PRN and tell people. Own it.

Third, and this is priceless, they upgraded Big Daddy at the last minute but would not put me in BD's former aisle seat. Because they had already given it away. How do you put someone in a seat someone else is sitting in? They gave away my upgrade to someone more important, and gave away BD's seat prior to moving him? And then they moved me to an exit row and a flight with no seats. WTF.

So I sat in First as a Valentine present and as thanks for all the middle seats I sat in with China Southern. BD sat in the exit row.

And I got the wacko seat mate. This dude was so weird I almost asked for a Priest and I am not Catholic. He had everything he owned stuffed under the seats including the pillow and blanket. He took the middle so he had two under seat compartments. This of course took enormous amounts of energy to keep all his stuff from falling all over the floor. He wanted me to crawl over him to get into my window seat, and I have a rule "get your sorry ass up and let me in like a normal person". If you cannot stand up and let me in you are a safety risk to me. He also had bad gas. Horrible. He went to the lav while the plane was at the gate. (Proving he could walk) He then spent the entire flight hitting on the Flight Attendant and stalking her in the galley when she tried to hide. Then he gave me a song and dance in Detroit that he could not get off the plane without help, so I could not leave the plane either. He is so lucky I did not bonk his head.

And those Delta bastards did not have cheese in the Sky Club. Nor did they have Sun Chips or any Chocolate on the plane. In.First.Class. So much for those promises.

Would it not be better to advertise they have no intention of honoring the Priority programs and just get down and dirty and tell people the truth: We oversell our planes, we do not have a clue if you might get to your destination and we will treat you however we feel like it depending on our moods.

Oops, I guess they did when they told us there are other airlines.

New Orleans part 2

2012-02-11T08:50:00.002-05:00

Krewe of Cork starting their parade.

Cold and blustery, actually looks like snow clouds out there on the horizon. I've been up a while with the tummy. There is a large canopy over the balcony and it gets quite noisy when the wind kicks up. Yesterday I was worried about a lighter coat, today I am sorry I did not bring a full length coat.

We got some nice throws yesterday. It was raining and cold during the parade so we watched the start and took off. Dinner was at the Rib Room, good as always but our waiter had a problem with his ankle and called in, so no good gossip. The other waiter we like is at Galatoire's and I don't know that I am up for lining up outside in this weather. Dinner at Antoine's tonight.

We are in New Orleans

2012-02-10T10:26:00.000-05:00

The flight down was fine, upgraded to first, TSA was on happy pills and the Sky Club had Biscoff. Sky Club told Big Daddy his membership was running out and did he want to renew. He never knew he had one, we use the charge card entry, AMEX.

The room is great, Bulgari in the bath, iced Champagne and fruit and note cards with Big Daddy's name. I cannot drink Champagne, gives me a headache and it was not top drawer. I would have taken a picture but I was brain dead. BD went to the wine store and I went to bed.

He woke me up around 5 and told me I had to go to the Club Room and meet the wackos. Every trip to New Orleans we meet wackos, these are from Houston. New information, Clozopam (I know I misspelled that) can be used for hangovers. And you can also drink like a fish while taking it. As I do not like taking ibuprofen when drinking I was aghast. But it is a typical wacko bit of information. When we left they were fighting amongst themselves so I am sure more entertainment will follow.

Cool and overcast today, probable rain. BD is at an interview and I need to get dressed. I wonder what I packed? I used to spend weeks planning this wardrobe, this time I threw shit I thought might work on the bed and BD packed.

I will find the camera and get some pictures today. Oh and some small bills. I forgot just how pervasive tipping is in the U.S.

Funny of the day: The cab from the airport was named Hindustani I. I asked him to turn on the air-conditioning and he put the front windows (a van) all the way down. When I got my hair out of my mouth and could talk I asked him to roll them up a bit. He rolled his half way up. Asswipe.

Jet Lag is bad

2012-02-06T13:56:00.000-05:00

I thought I was all fine and dandy. I have not slept since the first hurrah of 11 hours. I am not happy.

Big Daddy's first job interview was strange as hell. I mean really, really strange. It is to continue later today. After all this time and various meetings and conversation, they may want him to fly back for another interview in another state. WTF. I always felt bad if I left and hour early for an interview, how the fuck do you fly in and out from China without using up your vacation on a maybe. And Big Daddy is here now, which this dude knew last week. Also, this would have to be business class, who is gonna pay that kind of money.

There is a "new" job interview at two this afternoon. The other companies have checked and are confirming so I am hopeful the screwy people won't matter.

I had forgotten about the commercials on the television, it appears everyone in the USofA is quite ill and willing to do anything to get better. They take medication with horrible side effects to feel better. And there was this one old guy that was almost in tears because they made a better catheter. He did not insert it but the graphics were enough to give me the willies, something about burrs on the old ones. And apparently all the houses stink as everyone is using an assortment of air fresheners and treatments. Hmmm. At least the toilet paper is not sticking to the behinds anymore, I never did understand all the problems people had with toilet paper.

Okay, I need try to sleep again.

A Safety?

2012-02-05T19:30:00.000-05:00

Tom, WTF, a Safety? Watching the Super Bowl, this is great. Now 12 men on the field. WTF. This is getting ugly in the first quarter.

Just had our first at home dinner and it was fantastic, I had a filet and Big Daddy had a veal chop. Baked potato that tasted like a real potato, real sour cream, kidney bean salad with real mayo and real asparagus. We could not get the pastrami yesterday, it was sold out for Super Bowl. Huh? But we did get some nice corned beef so we had great sandwiches last night. The best thing is having real china and flatware, glasses and cups. And ice cubes readily at hand. The food prices here are around 3x less than China, amazing.

We only had a few foibles on our way home, first was when we checked in. Delta now allows only 2 checked bags for Plats when the seat is booked in coach. Paid 400 dollars for 2 bags and went to the lounge and called Delta and they were so confused by the new rules they refunded the charges. That was good news, will pay for a couple meals in New Orleans. We landed very, very early and sailed through CBP so we had to get a taxi home, Punkin Head planned to pick us up 2 1/2 hours later. Our driver was from Pakistan and talked the entire way, he was quite a character only slowing down when he passed the State Police. Did not slow down when passing, got in another lane and said that is way the traffic slowed down as we whizzed by the cops.

Upon arriving home I opened the door and turned off the alarm system, but it would not turn off. All the buttons stuck down. We had to convince the alarm company we were us, and then make arrangements to retest the system Monday. I think no one living here has made the house very dirty and everything needs a major cleaning. The buttons on the phone stick too. We should have done that rich people thing and covered every thing with drop cloths.

Seems like we may not have the bad jet lag this time, we were both so grateful for our fabulous beds, I slept for 11 hours last night, and that was after a nap or two. I woke up a couple times in the morning and just thought "this bed is too wonderful to get up".

Tomorrow morning BD has the first of his job meetings, this a conference call with a guy he has talked with for about a year or so. This guy is the one who sent an email last week that said, Game On. BD wants me to tell him who wins Super Bowl so he can act like he knows sports, as it seems Game On may be a fan.

I might post later on the game and the commercials, so far nothing special.

Getting Antsy

2012-02-03T06:02:00.001-05:00

All packed except for the last minute items. Big Daddy is out buying batteries for the headphones and trying to arrange for a taxi in the morning. It is dicey for an "off the wall" taxi to have room for all our bags. Some have gasoline and water in the trunk to energize the vehicles, some have their family in there, best to find one that is prepared for the airport haul.

BD is worried Punkin Head will forget us. Punkin Head has never forgotten us, so I think BD is just in his usual craze to get home and get going. He makes me crazy. As I am like a placid lake in the world of peace, I think he should just get a grip. BD does not think Punkin Head can fit our bags in his car. Another trauma.

Oops, bad news, the Congee (Chinese for Congeries; that does not look right either, and I spell checked ) did the teeth sucking grimace and said that getting the big taxi is really, really hard. Would not take a bribe. Also said getting a roller cart to help with the bags was really, really hard. This is not looking good.

Passing on the last Shemp visit

2012-02-02T23:45:00.000-05:00

Last night I am in the tub and using the sprayer to rinse my hair and suddenly, out of the blue, there is no fucking water. First it got cold, then it trickled and then nothing. Big Daddy says, no big deal, just give me a minute to reach out the kitchen window and turn the water heater back on. Yepper, just when I was getting sentimental reality smacked me in the hair.

More good news, kinda freaky too. BD was dreaming he was talking to one of the people he interviewed with, this is the company that cannot hire this quarter. He wakes up, checks his iPhone---and he has an email from this guy. They have approved the budget and he is ready to talk. This was one of the most promising positions.

There has been a nasty murder of a Grosse Pointe woman and the media has gone crazy. People in GP are rarely murdered. The area still has the cachet of old money and private clubs, which of course means everyone just loves to hear the gossip. The woman's husband, who is a person of interest, supposedly has a girlfriend, was buying her a house around the corner from his, rented her the last 2 apartments she lived in, and had a basement that he used for S&M practices. And his mentally challenged "handy man type associate" has confessed and implicated hubby. And people say GP is boring and bland. Oh, and the husband may have hired the attorney who is famous for defending the last whacko murderer in Metro Detroit.

Funniest comment on the GP blogs about the murder, If a gunshot is heard in GP the police will be there in minutes. Umm, I have a target range in my basement. At one time it was certified by the GP police. You know BD had to try it once, and no police showed up.

BD just got home and we have to finish stuffing the luggage. And I need to wash my hair again.

Still behind schedule

2012-02-01T08:14:00.000-05:00

But on a positive note, the head hunters wanted some info on our home.

On the downside, every time I left here I would stand on the balcony and wonder if I would ever see Shanghai again. Of course those were the times I could actually see anything from the balcony. Find myself looking out today and wondering if I can fit in with the suburbs again. Not that I ever did but I did pretend to fit in.

It is going to be strange to be in our regular house again. We live on a short dead end type street, not much traffic or people about. You really cannot even see much sky as there are so many trees. Grosse Pointe Woods is a named Tree City.

I was thinking today, soon I will have a garbage disposal and a dishwasher and water faucet I can drink from and a counter top with no Shemp footprints. Then I remembered every time I go home I am the Queen of the Broken Shit. Maybe this time the spell will be broken.

I am looking forward to our vacation and warm weather. New Orleans is so much fun and picture worthy now that I am on the photo path. And I am thrilled to be home for the election year. If it is half again as entertaining at home as it is here on CNN, well that is worth a party.

And I do believe this weekend is Super Bowl, hot damn. Who to root for, the Michigan Man or the Manning heir? Hmm. I just hope they don't drink the water in Indy, shit happens to people that drink Indy water, look at the Colts.

I Procrastinate, always

2012-01-30T07:47:00.000-05:00

Just in case anyone forgot, when shit hits the fan here the powers that be shut down, slow down and generally ignore any problems. I do not write about it as (stolen from Harry Potter) "he who must not be named" tracks certain words and phrases and there is nothing good going to come from me chatting about it. They can see what you do from a VPN, and if you are cool they pretty much ignore you. When shit hits the fan, there is a general response. I will talk more about this when I get home. The TV and Internet are taking frequent breaks right now.

I am supposed to be packing and purging. Instead I am fucking around on the computer. I am using my intestines and sleeping patterns as an excuse. I always get done on time, just not always in the manner I had hoped for. Not sleeping properly, the trip and the fireworks extravaganza and innards always react to change and stress.

Out of sheer boredom I was reading the Pioneer Woman blog this afternoon and I was aghast at the comments. Where the hell do these people come from? You know how you always kinda wonder if you are normal? Not always, but that once in a while when it goes through your mind? And you think, whoa-people don't need to know about this shit. These ass-hats write about it. Ree, that is the blogster posted a pantry must have list. How more than 10 people in the states would be stumped at setting up a pantry in this day and age is beyond my comprehension. There were pages of comments thanking her for this previously secret knowledge. Here are a few of my favorites:

*(You will need multiple freezers) Take a gallon of milk and pour half of it into an empty gallon of milk jug. Squish it down until all the air is gone and it is fairly flat. Freeze it. When you need it: partially, say 70%, thaw it out and add enough water back in to make a gallon. Now I am not stupid but a deformed plastic milk gallon jug is not going to conform to the squishing more than half the time. They are cheap plastic and crack, especially when frozen and stacked in a grotesque configurations. My question is where the fuck do you get all the extra plastic gallon jugs?

*If you are lacking space turn your powder room into a pantry. Your guests can review your supplies while they pee and poop. Who would put up shelves and keep their food in the same place where you get rid of the food? Isn't there a saying about not shitting where you eat? It is advised to cover and hide your toothbrush in there.

*When you make a dinner, make 2 and freeze one. There is one "Bless her heart" lady that has been doing that but her family will not eat the same meal twice in one month so every month she throws away all the extra dinners from the freezer. This is one of the only times I would actually recommend the use of illegal drugs, I am just not sure who in that family should be taking them.

By the way, I have been seeing something lately where people make the comment "But I slept at the Holiday Inn" or something close to that phrase. They use it after a statement almost as if you would put the "just sayin" tack-on. What is that all about?

Okay gotta go stare at my luggage.

The Story of the Pink Diamond

2012-01-29T02:49:00.000-05:00

Big Daddy and I have a game we play. We only buy gifts for each other at odd times. If I have a desire for a present I will say so. If it is specific I will say so. There are no rules. BD does not like routine gifts so he gets surprises and mostly he gets to pick out his own gifts as this makes him happy.

In order to make him smile I have resorted to asking for a pink diamond. Today he was walking down the street with the worst charlatans hawking shit when he was approached with the opportunity of buying a real Rolex for 250 RMB. He told Mr. Seller he wanted a pink diamond. The guy had diamonds. BD must have felt like fucking with the dude because he told him the 18k gold and 2 carat diamond was not good enough, he wanted platinum. The guy went and got him a platinum ring. As BD has been taught here in China he took out his lighter and put the flame to the ring. It melted.

Back in the real world we both think the request for relo expectations is a fear that we would require 2 moves, one from China and then again from Michigan. We have that response worked out as we have no expectations for the China move. I did have to face the reality that the Thai cabinet is not going home. It would cost a lot more than I paid for it in shipping charges. The rest of the shit is not worth a lot and some of it I can take with me. I am making 3 piles of stuff, stuff I am taking back, stuff for BD to take back when he leaves and stuff to pitch at the bitter end.

Because I have made another decision. I probably will not be coming back. Never say never, but unless something happens of an emergency nature I am not planning to return. There is nothing for me here and no matter what happens BD won't be here that long. I figure, depending on the circumstances I can look for a job or do some volunteer work. Maybe think about getting a dog. Do some projects, learn to knit, or look into my plan of starting a bordello in the French Quarter.

Deja Vu, all over again

2012-01-27T23:58:00.000-05:00

I have no idea what this is supposed to be.

I was actually feeling kind of bad that the fireworks only lasted one night, Sunday. Well, Thursday I went to bed and slept for 2 hours. Then the dragon woke up and we had non-stop fireworks for about 12 hours. WTF.

I almost posted a real picture of the real me but I slapped myself before scaring the hell out of everyone. The sink used for hand washing at the bar is outside of the WC and sits rather low. So I am bent over drying my hands and Big Daddy shouts something out and I turned. So stooped and twisting I was caught giving the "don't make me hurt you" face. The truth is I do not photograph well and this one was worse than usual. This happened after the hairdresser insisted on taking a Polaroid of me and BD at the salon. He looks great, I look like a Yeti with nice hair. I did not think they still made Polaroid film.

Good news is BD has 2 interviews back in the states, one in our hometown and one in New Orleans. The latter is coming into town for a face to face after the phone interview. It is nice they are coming to BD instead of the other way around. Have to try and schedule them before the parades. They want an approximate idea of our expectations for a relo package. How the hell should we know. What are people currently getting? If anyone has information, let me know. I doubt it is as good as before the bottom fell out but it can't be as bad as when we left.

Bad news is BD has a back situation. He has never had one before. I rubbed some Eye of The Tiger oil on him and he took some ibuprofen and we will see.

Purple Dragon

2012-01-25T23:52:00.000-05:00

This is my purple dragon.

I am still mad at Blogger. They changed horses and jockeys in the middle of the race.

When I was trying to download the fireworks video, Blogger changed to the new and improved format. You know, the one that makes it really hard to blog now. They also asked if they can track me. Huh, is like stalking?I use a VPN, actually I use more than one, so no one can track me. I mean really, when I am in New Orleans are they going to send me a coupon for a free Hurricane?

I also tried Vimeo which was a waste of my time.

The fireworks video is working now, for how long, who knows.

We went to the museum yesterday and I saw another one of those "flower carved things" this one for 8000 RMB, the first one saw and wanted was 1000 RMB. Got the cheapo dragon instead in the rabbit warren. It is supposed to be Jade, yeah right.

Blogger fucked me over

2012-01-25T03:56:00.001-05:00

In the composing of my previous post Blogger changed my entire blogging experience.

I do not feel like going to blogger school right now.

I cannot edit or do anything.

Fuck it.

The Fireworks

2012-01-25T03:54:00.001-05:00

This is Chinese New Year's Eve from my balcony on the 28th floor.

It was quite a bit calmer this year. Either the Dragons were busy or the cold and damp slowed some people down. Lasted about 8 hours, but only Sunday night. Then off and on until daylight. The rest of the nights maybe ten minutes here and there.

The video store had Boardwalk Empire and I must say this is quite good. That is one thing I will miss, we never bought or even rented this stuff at home. Of course, we never had that much time to watch television.

Organizing the crap

2012-01-22T05:42:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we took a huge load of books to the Bell Bar, Amay's place. As it rained and gusted all day this was not a fun trip. We had to go down first and get our room cards turned back on, again. We were standing on the curb waving to the taxis when this black guy stood out just a little beyond us. I just could not help myself, I looked at him and said, "You know you are not getting into a taxi before me, right. Because I will beat your ass with this umbrella." He laughed and said yea, he knew. People are always trying to sneak up and steal your taxi. If they are the anorexic Chinese girls BD just grabs their arm and moves them out of the way. They only weigh about 6 pounds.

Handed over the books, got some coffee beans and took some refreshments. We met the most unusual young man from Germany. He thought Hitler was an okay guy. Hitler built great roads. I know I missed something in this conversation, I just can't put my finger on it. It is unbelievable how many young people are here studying Mandarin because they can't get a job in their home country. Are there no jobs in Germany or are these kids not educated for proper jobs, I mean the one kid has a degree in Physics. Or maybe when daddy pays it is easier to just keep going to school.

The fireworks have started. I wondered as it snowed and rained again today. But the Chinese are fearless of the cold and going to town. So far no spectacular light displays.

We also cleared out the old DVDs and BD took them down to the gym. There were some poor students, again studying Mandarin, and they were thrilled to get the movies. Better than in a landfill.

BD is grilling rib-eyes and making butter beans so life is good.

Planning our escape

2012-01-19T23:05:00.000-05:00

We need to start packing for the home leave. We also need to think about what to take home and how we can get it there. This is the last year for China and decisions need to be made. We have a few plans, A, B and maybe C-.

Big Daddy has 1 and 1/2 job interviews when we are back in the states. A company he talked to this week sounds perfect and that scares me. Perfect just does not work out often. And I will never forget the time he got a great offer overnighted and it was rescinded. The HR Director came back from maternity leave and was pissed they filled the position without her input. So she changed the job description and qualifications. And to this day they have never filled that job. 5 years and no takers. BD stays in touch with the guy that kinda hired him. The other job he wanted just moved into their new headquarters and are in sticker shock at the final cost. So that job will not be filled this quarter anyway. And of course, the call us right away if you get on offer people. To me that smacks of no integrity. It reminds me of people who quit thinking the company will try and woo them to stay. Nope, if I give you notice I am leaving.

This is the last day of work before the Lunar New Year and BD needs to get a shopping list and tomorrow I get my hair done. The fireworks are going off as I write this. I will have to look outside tonight and see if the colorful fireworks have started.

Martin Luther King Jr. is a 3 day weekend

2012-01-18T05:48:00.000-05:00

Big Daddy said something this morning about MLK day and I mumbled no it was not Monday, it is Wednesday. He was watching CNN and then I recalled the way the United States treats MLK day. Dr. King has a designated day in his honor. In my mind I thought this was supposed to mean that this was the day you thought and reflected on the person and his life. Not in the USof A, it has become a union holiday. It is becoming no more important than a President's Day sale at the local mall.

It would not be a big deal to shut down whatever needs to be shut down on the actual day. So the assembly plants shut down on Wednesday, what is the difference? Ah, a three day weekend.

I remember when he was killed. I lived in the south and had recently moved north. I remember that funeral. I remember the Klan and the white only drinking fountains. Hell, I lived in Memphis. Hell, I remember that in the 90's this shit still happened. So I am just a little offended that people think it is A-okay to celebrate a three day weekend instead of a man. It is so damn insulting to his memory.

Sad of the day: When I was working we had a fugly and I was trying to get it fixed, with no resolution. Everyone was off that day, it was a plant holiday. When the customer started yelling at me I "dropped" the ball and said it was MLK day, this was of course in October. They looked at me like I had grown horns. I was only repeating what I had been told all day by assholes. Well, the plant I was covering for in this debacle had a union vote and decided to take the holiday on the first day of hunting season, they just kept the same name for the holiday. Oops.

No I am not really that stupid and only said that in a closed door meeting. I really don't care if you observe holidays or not. I do mind when people use any excuse for a three weekend and pretend it is to praise someone that might not agree with that shit.

Lagniappe

2012-01-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

As you all know I take none of this Blogging seriously. I am also so far removed from a technie designation it is amazing I can turn the laptop on and off.

Well, I fell off my crappy dining room chair today when I checked my profile. You see someone told me they did not have my email address. It is on the Blog I said to myself. Not anymore.

The whole thing is changed. I did not recognize myself. I am thinking this is where the precious italic comments must come from. And Esby is now twins in my meager group of followers, but he is not counted twice which I feel is somewhat unfair.

So it is not all the evil China Internet monsters, the evil Blogger people are throwing poisonous pixie dust on my little posts.

The cherry on my sundae, The Closer now has a little key (means you have to pay) on my television watching whatchamacallit. Just said that as y'all don't need to know how I watch TV, only I figure any 3rd grader could figure that out.

I can't fix this shit until I get home so I am positive that I will get crankier as the days pass by. Grrr.

Just Random Thoughts

2012-01-16T22:12:00.001-05:00

Big Daddy got dissed by a street vendor. He was walking down the street with his Trader Joe's insulated shopping bag and this cretin told him his bag was a piece of shit. Now come on, it has a zipper and shoulder strap. He tried to sell BD phony paper logo shopping bags. You know, Prada, Chanel, status bags. Who the fuck would buy a phony paper bag to carry their shit in.

The luggage I want is only sold in China. Yes, this gives me pause. But there are items manufactured strictly for the China market. The Briggs and Riley bags are ugly as can be, the Wenger bags in the US market don't appeal to me. I may go with the cardboard box the Chinese use, that and an Ikea bag and you are a world traveler.

No iPhone for me, the 4s unlocked with no contract sells for about a grand in the U.S. My conversations usually involve intense conversation like, "where are you", or text messages that say "In the taxi now". Not worth a grand.

Next day-I lost some of the post yesterday and then the Internet went off-line for a few hours. The Internet is so crazy here right now.

Something weird happened this month. I got a FB message from my mother. We have not communicated since last summer. She sent me a Happy New Year on January 11. WTF. No Happy Birthday, no Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday's, no Happy Jewish Day, and now this. Don't know what she was going for, belated calendar date or very early Lunar New Year.

Crazy of the day-The migrants cannot get to their home towns for Lunar New Year. The migrants pretty much make everything sold and live in deplorable dormitories. When the New Year's shutdown happens the dormitories are usually shutdown and the workers have no choice but to take their shit and leave. China introduced on-line purchases of train tickets last year. You must have a China ID card and a credit card to purchase these tickets. The migrants don't know how to use the system and all the tickets are sold out when they get to the stations. Talk about a plan.

Still alive Punkin Head

2012-01-13T23:29:00.000-05:00

Tickets for home leave are Feb 4-17 and Nola is 9-13. There will be 2 parades in the Quarter during our stay, Krewe of Cork (winos) and Barkus, which is the dog parade. The Queen of the Barkus parade is supposed to be a shelter rescued dog.

Big Daddy is driving me nuts, he did not have fun on his train trip back to Shanghai.

Did I mention there is no heat in the train stations.

I tried to console him last night and took him to the Italian place for dinner. Bonus, nice New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc and you get to take the bottle home to finish it. Truffle pizza again. Demerit, lost my good black leather gloves. These should be harder than shit to replace here.

When I got up this morning my foot hit a huge wet spot in the white fuzzy throw rug. I thought the dog pissed on the rug. Then I remembered we don't have a dog. It seems I created a micro Eco-system from the humidifier and caused a rain cloud over the rug. It stayed on top, not soaking through, thank goodness.

Big Daddy's phony Wenger bag fell apart, lasted about a year and a half before complete disintegration. He will now be stealing my real Wenger bag, it is a rolling laptop bag, you can actually roll it easily down the aisle in the plane. Now I have a reason to shop for new luggage. My Tumi bag is falling apart, real Tumi, and if they fix it for free fine, if not fuckem, I do like the Wenger better. Better wheels.

The China Daily had an article on the Apple Store riot in Beijing. Guess they had a bunch of re-sellers in the line, and a bunch of migrants acting as shills, as you could only buy 2 at a time. This was the launch of the iPhone 4s. Stupid me wondered why anyone would buy a real iPhone from a street hawker at a premium price. The Chinese take tremendous pride in being the first. First in line, first to own something, first to be first. They got into fist fights and Apple refused to open and will only sell the phone on-line. Hilarious. That reminds me, going home soon. Wonder what the iPhone sells for in Michigan. Must check Best Buy.

I am bored.

2012-01-10T22:46:00.000-05:00

Big Daddy is traveling and the fog/smog is so bad today I can barely see outside. BD is trying to entertain me with his new program, rejected supplier and hotel. He called downstairs for a razor and ended up with the information that Jim was in room 2015. Guess they did not understand the beard on the chin situation.

Supplier forgot that BD does not believe they are good enough to flush down a squat toilet. They tried to take him to dinner, just all showed up and when he told them that was a lot of people to drive him to the hotel Chatty Cathy sprang the dinner plans. He refused and his boss was amazed that they took no for an answer. That guy is such a wuss. Then Chatty got upset that BD had his hotel changed, she had booked them into, TRUE NAME, the Romantical Hotel. BD told her he did not need a hooker. Which also meant I did not got pictures of the condoms and underpants in the rooms.

We have the tickets for home leave and BD is supposed to get the tickets for New Orleans this afternoon. Then I have to start planning our lunches and dinners. And cooking at home. I really want to make a pie. Maybe Punkin Head will have a request.

The politics are boring me too, I mean really how can this group be this boring? Michelle was the only fun. Funniest I saw yesterday was a reporter talking to one of them about his sweater or vest, don't remember and for 100 dollars you can get one from the campaign. She was all about how expensive that was. Then the guy mentions it is made in America. People, ya gotta pick, but when you always pick Walmart don't ask why everyone has a crappy job. And if you shop at Walmart you don't need that much money anyway.

I was very excited when I heard everyone was watching the new season of Downton Abbey, then I found out it is the season I saw last year on the phony DVDs. I need to find out about this movie Inception everyone is talking about and see if I already threw that one away. I watched most of Marie Antoinette the other night, not a bad movie but for shit's sake, how long can a movie be without losing some of the audience due to death, births, appointments, that is the longest movie ever. I need to finish it and see if that was true about cutting her head off.

Hat is off to Coach Sabin

2012-01-10T06:00:00.000-05:00

This guy is a shit, but he is good at football.

Oh Crud, Geaux Saints

2012-01-07T23:23:00.000-05:00

Hate it when my two favorites play and one has to lose.

Now have to be a Who Dat.

Can't wait to see how the Niners coach treats Payton. Don't get too cocky there, Jim.

The Internet caught my cold

2012-01-06T21:23:00.000-05:00

We had no Internet most of the day Friday. About 9:30 Big Daddy called the front desk to find out what the problem was. The Internet was sick. This according to the English speaking lady in charge. It was sick and felt very, very bad. China Net, our provider, was trying to make it better all day. Yep, Piers, these people are miles ahead of us.

Big Daddy got me a portable humidifier and those are expensive here, 45 dollars for an okay one, and hold onto your hat, 75 dollars for the Hello Kitty version. And I am talking desktop models.

Big Daddy got an email from the last impossible job people, they thanked him for being the only honest candidate that told them he could not do that job and no one could do that job. They said everyone else just played along until it became obvious that they were not qualified in one of the many areas. He had another interview last night with a different company.

About the calendar, I was tethered to a Blackberry for years and that meeting notice feature that drove me insane. Between the laptop and the Blackberry I was so tired of technology. And I never kept anything personal on company property. So a nice paper calendar and I was happy. I made all my appointments for the year and at a glance I knew what was going on. And I love making lists, so pen and paper is a natural for me. Not normal is that I have 3 cell phones. And they are all standard issue plain. One is a Nokia that uses a sim card, one is a Sprint and one is a World phone. The Nokia phone calendar is stuck in August 2011 and will not move.

This is Shocking

2012-01-06T04:49:00.001-05:00

There is a way to print a calender off your home printer. I know, most of you are picking yourselves up off the floor and wiping your brows, but it is true. I used to know about these things when I lived back in the real world of Trader Joes, Old Navy and Macy's, of course I never went to Macy's.

I have been begging for a calender here in China. Daily I asked for a calender. It is now January 6, the end of 12th night, and suddenly it appears you can down load one from a computer. I am so fucking amazed.

I have not seen this of course, so I am just hopping about in anticipation.

I am of course the only person in the world with a computer that has no printing capability and no CD/DVD functions. That could be why it was so cheap. I have that thing that flings itself out the right side of laptop and you can put a DVD in that thing that looks like it should fit there. And that is where that story ends.

Will wonders never cease.

Funny of the day-I just remembered when I took my laptop to IT and the tech had to convince someone I had not "stoled" some critical piece of equipment, don't remember what it was, but I heard her tell her boss I was not that smart.

I have caught another cold

2012-01-04T22:45:00.001-05:00

I was amazed at how I could have caught another cold. Then today I had that aha moment. I watched the ayi empty the trash can overflowing with used tissues and noticed she had no gloves on. And then waited to see her wash her hands, which never happened. Then I remembered, these people do not wash their hands very often, if ever. My cleaning lady at home wore gloves. Yes, disposable gloves. Need to buy more bleach.

Which brings me to another issue that bugs me. Flight attendants that wear gloves to pick up the trash but do not wear gloves to hand me food and drink. As it is all about me, all the time, shouldn't they wear gloves to hand me consumables? As they never touch the trash and always touch the food and drink I am confused. They hold that bag as far away from themselves as possible and if you miss, oh well, it is gonna stay on the filthy carpet for the duration of the flight.

Big Daddy had another job interview last night, 11PM China time, and these people have won the prize for unattainable candidate. They want someone that is a tooling expert, a manufacturing expert, an engineering manager, a purchasing agent, and someone to set up a department to develop patents for the company. And manage over 100 people. They are firing the current guy because he is a tooling expert and cannot handle the additional responsibilities. So we know one other guy that is competing with BD for a job, that guy has to know they are shopping his job.

We now have reservations for New Orleans. It is a miracle. I think BD is so bogged down in bullshit he is losing his edge in personal lifestyle management. Or I made him brain dead with chanting bigger, bigger. He had an epiphany and called the bar at the hotel and asked to be switched to the reservations manager. Bingo, we have the room we wanted. Not at the old hotel, the second hotel, which is becoming the better hotel. I will post on this if we ever get there. Still waiting for HR sign-off and travel bitch to fuck up the tickets home. Oh, the HR guy that would have signed off and that worked with the expats has disappeared. No one is talking. Hmmm. The stories I could tell.

Momma is really, really unhappy

2012-01-03T01:52:00.000-05:00

Momma, that would be me, was excited about her upcoming vacation. That was foolish as momma is not going to get a vacation. That is because Big Daddy did not make any reservations. Momma spent many hours planning this agreed upon vacation, BD's schedule must be considered and flights and hotels and other mucky muck. That was a waste of time.

Some ass-hat actually opined that going to New Orleans after Mardi Gras was a great idea. If I wanted to watch pious souls trying to make amends for their misdeeds walking around with ashes on their foreheads I would go to Rome. But as the cheap ass company will only pay for tickets to Detroit, that ain't an option either. And New Orleans is not warm enough for a random visit in winter.

There is no place warm enough in the US to visit in February that I want to go to. The entire point of the trip was Carnival. That is why we spent Christmas in China being miserable to save the money for New Orleans. I have understood foregoing vacation for BD's job and hurricanes, not for I forgot to make any reservations and plans.

This really screws the pooch. If you stay here too long you become a certified lunatic. I feel lunacy creeping up on me.

I am no longer confident that I can face China with a sense of humor and a devil may care attitude. This sucks.

Success

2012-01-01T04:36:00.000-05:00

Just when I was almost resigned to wearing the ugly wine and chutney coat, success smiled on me.

We traipsed down to Mr. Bigger and Bigger and tried on his biggest coats. They were too small. But with a judicious eye and thorough critique I discovered it is my shoulders that are too big. Yes the bosom is big for China standards but the width of the shoulders is the problem. And Big Daddy pointed out that a lot of the Chinese women are wearing clothes too small and do not button up their coats. He is right. The Chinese are getting larger, and not taller, and I think it is KFC. And Coke. McDonald's. Pizza.

So after that less than a cheery experience we went for a respite at Fossette. It is right next to the Butchery. It is a wine bar with a limited food menu. We had Caprese salad and Shanghai pork. The pork came with a potato salad. We split it and it was just right. I had a great glass of Malbec. They have wine specials on Sunday after 2PM, phone is 86-136 3635 7011. Oh and the dude in charge was French and he could not get a taxi last night either.

So we wandered back down Xinle Road toward Shaanxi and found a great shop. They had the most beautiful red cape in the window. They also had one in black. I started talking to the friend of the owner, a nice guy who spoke English. He studied in the US, first in Ann Arbor and then Parson's in New York. We had a great conversation and the cape fit. No shoulder problems, no snug problems. And it reaches my knees. I went with the black as I pictured myself in the red looking like a huge tomato walking down the street. Not a good picture. And I got 1000 quai off the list price. Black is good, won't show the dirt and it is a good Italian wool so it should wear well.

Big Daddy is returning the other coat to Marks&Spencer in the morning and stocking up with our credit. Whoa, potted meat.

Next shopping quest is for Chinese New Year, you are supposed to wear red underwear.

It is time for a political comment

2011-12-31T23:34:00.000-05:00

I do not belong to a political party or group. I pretty much support people I believe are going to try and do something I agree with. And not mess up things that do not matter. If I contact you and you do not respond your name is xed out no matter who you are. After all, if Richard Nixon responded to a childish message, sent when I was a foolish teen, well that established the bar for me.

I have written to famous writers, columnists, and public servants. Also politicians. I have received responses from a few, never expected--unless it is a public servant. If I am asking you a question I expect an answer. I do not care if it is a form letter, I can make decisions based on a form letter (mostly if you evade answering the question) but no response tells me you don't give a shit. Period.

I once wrote to my 2 senators, and only 1 responded. With a form letter, but a form letter that let me know he was aware of the situation and afraid to open his mouth. And he put me on his mailing list and I receive occasional updates and what he is doing. Fair is fair. I don't like the guy but he will be there forever, might as well know what he is up to.

A few years ago I sent a letter to President Obama, way before he was elected. No response, nothing, not a thing. Nuttin. Then a while later I started getting emails asking me for money for the campaign. Why would I give money to people who do not even have a form letter handy. This morning I had over 10 emails from Obama, Michelle, Joe Biden and other assorted minions asking me for money. And my phone number. They are desperate for this money before midnight, it must be 2011 money. Huh? And where do they think they are going to take me to lunch?

And they have given my email address to some groups I really do not like, don't know if they sold it or just shared it. I wear fur, support the Canadian Indian tribes also those folks in Finland. I also wear leather shoes. I don't judge if you wear plastic oil-from the ground- shoes. I don't make fun of people who buy factory produced chicken if that is all they can afford. I do not like people who buy potato chips and soda pop for their children on a daily basis, but there is nothing I can do about that right now.

You know I have never received a call when these politicians are in China. I am registered at the embassy.

All joking aside, I never designated this stuff as spam when it was just the occasional plea and I never open email if I don't know the person. I just chuckled at their persistence, I never sent them money or responded in any way. But over 10 in one morning? I may have to take care of this.

Funny of the day-to me: Recently watched a documentary on Queen Elizabeth II and the workings of the royal family. Every piece of mail the Queen receives is answered by a hand written note. Wouldn't it be a hoot to get a response from the Queen. Don't know how long it takes though, should I use U.S. address or China address? Or try to do one of each. Decisions, decisions.

What a Debacle

2011-12-31T07:22:00.001-05:00

There will be no pictures, frankly I scared myself when I looked in the mirror, Big Daddy is still Rudolf and I am so not happy.

We got a late start today and it went downhill from there.

We went to the basement movie store. There was this guy standing in front of the new releases. The table is 3 feet wide. And a rather tall large man was standing front and center looking at the movies. There aren't that many movies to look at on the table. Well, I peeked and peered around him as best as I could and then yep, the devil came out. I asked him if he was going to buy all the movies. When he said no, I asked him if it would kill him to let someone take a look at the table. I swear I did not use a bad word. We got MoneyBall and One Day with Anne Hathaway.

Next we went to exchange a jade necklace BD got me for Christmas week. It was too expensive for how much I liked it. Not much. Well of course we could only exchange. Although BD did get a bit off the necklace and then I got a bit off one of the bracelets so it was okay. Got 2 bracelets and I have no clue if they are worth anything. I do not know diddly about Jade.

So then BD insisted we go to Marks&Spencer as they have clothes for fat people. Now really, I was regular normal size when I got here. People thought I weighed less than I did. Normal size U.S. 10/12. I am short, almost 5'4", really just a smidge under. So I am curvy and a little, maybe a lot top-heavy. So I have gained 15 pounds in the almost 2 years I have been here. So I would now call myself pudgy bordering on plump. I am not the hugest person out there. I tried on every damn coat in that crappy store and the only thing I can figure is every well off cheap white bitch with a driver got there first. Because a size 10 in British sizes was the largest I could find. Then I found a little bigger and then a little more bigger. I don't know if those assholes know sizes but I finally found the last biggest ass coat in the store, and it was the only one not on sale. BD found me in tears, when I told him the size he said he would cut the tag out.

Now since I worked mostly with men I know size does not matter, and six inches is huge, I am thinking that explains the British sizing. And BD says we can return it for wine and chutney. Because Mr. Bigger Bigger called and he has found me a coat. And since he has no sizes, only bigger bigger, this could work.

However, this tale gets sadder and sadder. We could not get a taxi to Mr. Bigger and Bigger. It seems that Friday night is the worst time ever to get a taxi. We walked from Marks&Spencer to the Portman Center and during that time we had at least 6 phony (or black taxis) stop and try to pick us up, 4 motorcyles trying to get us as customers, and one real taxi that offered to take us on a 14 rmb fare for 50 rmb (which we should have taken and then stiffed him) and the guy on a lawnmower disguised as a red metal cart.

I did however meet a sweet little girl who spoke English. Her mother only spoke Chinese but kept encouraging the girl to talk to me. She was 7. And when they gave up on the taxis she told me goodbye and we wished each other Happy New Year.

I should be as thin as when I first arrived

2011-12-30T22:39:00.001-05:00

Because I laugh my ass off every day.

Meat counter at the Butchery

Based on the standing rib roast I went with Big Daddy for a return visit to the butcher. That is the cleanest place I have seen in China. I mean spotless. The butcher said it was a slow day, well we bought around 60 bucks U.S. worth and while we were there 2 Euro trash came in and proceeded to call everyone they knew. Don't think it will be slow for long. I got a decent red wine for around 7 bucks and that is unheard of. The butcher told me they sell a ton of it and I thought, yea well TJ's sells a bunch of 2 buck Chuck too. But really it was decent.

The taxi driver screwed us over taking the long way there, so I decided to walk for a bit and figure it out. We were on this street that I think is the new Fuxing Lu for clothes. I found a place that had coats in front. It was down a short path and so we went inside. I asked for bigger. The tried every coat in the joint on me. They were all too small. The 2 peeps running the store did get one coat zipped up. I could not move but they were both so pleased. The conversation was pretty much them speaking Chinese and my saying bigger, bigger. I did buy a sweater. It was normal sized it was just cut for roominess and having bosoms.

The street ended at Shaanxi just a block or so up from the City Market, not bad for a walk and evidence the taxi was trying to convince us he had driven us to Beijing.

Funny of the day: Remember the recent job interview, well it was with a head hunter firm not the hiring company, they are on holiday. The head hunter firm was so impressed with Big Daddy they want to shop him around. In order to do this they need a picture of him. The man with a huge red scab on his nose from the grease splatter. There are no pictures of BD that do not display fun and frivolity as the old camera died and we left the card in the U.S. I am thinking bare minerals makeup.

Tales of the job search

2011-12-29T01:22:00.000-05:00

If this were not so important to my future I would be rolling on the floor laughing.

I was really afraid Big Daddy would be offered this job as they "the company" did not balk at giving him the stars and the moon. And he got a huge splat of grease on his nose cooking breakfast this week. Right on the tip of the nose. Rudolf size. And of course this job is in China. Since it all seemed preposterous I just figured fate would hit me in the ass.

Nope this was another one of those famous jobs, we need a Senior Manager in Butchering, Baking and Candlestick making. And we prefer a doctorate in all 3, with 57 years of experience. And for all that we are kinda willing to pay you on the cheap as you would be hands on and save us hiring 12 more people.

It is was for a division of a company he has interviewed with 3 times this year. This time through a head hunter that is obviously not in the loop with corporate. Well all it cost was taxi fare and time, but really.

I will say someone in the group did admit maybe they asking for the impossible. How many times have I heard this. If you want a lap dog don't interview a Great Dane. If you want a steady girlfriend don't interview high end hookers. This reminds me of a co-worker who met a vegan on line, met him for dinner and ordered a burger. WTF, figure it out before you waste everyone's time.

We found a butcher

2011-12-26T23:48:00.000-05:00

He has only been in our area for 2 weeks though he does have a shop in Pudong. The name is Yasmine's and Jason Mellink is the Master Butcher. Cell 150 0086 8415, address No. 93, North Xiangyang Road, Xuhui District, Shanghai.

Big Daddy got the best 2 rib standing roast, it was tasty and wonderful and cooked just great in the crappy counter top oven. Around 325 RMB and 4 pounds. There are leftovers galore. Yes, there will be soup at the end of the roast journey. They also have plump with real breasts chickens and assorted meats and sausages. They also have good wine at a decent price.

I told BD he should have taken a picture of the meat before we devoured it. Red meat is not something you eat or even see here on a regular basis.

Talked to Punkin Head today, made me cry, we miss him so much. He is having fun in Vermont and saw a movie, Hugo. He highly recommends it.

I need to get off my ass and get dressed and go out in the bowels of hell. Big Daddy witnessed a fight between a cat and a frog at the wet market recently. The proprietor of the fish stand rescued the frog, not sure if it was one of her sale items, and then offered BD prawns. He said it was the saddest thing he has seen in a while. His camera did not power up quick enough on the fabled real iPhone to capture the moment. No, he did not buy any prawns.

Sunshine fresh

2011-12-26T03:13:00.000-05:00

Drying clothes.

My favorites are when they hang the shirts with the arms out like a scarecrow. Second favorite is the pajama type pants with one leg hanging down, kinda like they are really tired.

But the all time best of the best is the bra sized 32 AAA with a pair of bloomers an entire busload of Chinese could fit into.

Thank goodness I live in a better area, in the poorer neighborhoods they also hang their chicken out with the wash. Yes, that picture is from front yard.

At the bottom right is a caged area, one of the options, these are used as refrigerators and storage.

In our buildings I think 1% of the balconies are used for seating and plants. I wipe down the balcony and the tables and chairs almost daily and they are filthy every time.

The cleanest kitchen towels in China

2011-12-24T04:47:00.000-05:00

The newest of the 3 washer/dryer units

Big Daddy is not as bad as I sometimes portray him. He does understand that I can take him out in a heartbeat and he likes it here at "The home momma made". So he made getting the appliance issue finished his weekend goal.

This is our third and perhaps final washer/dryer unit of the year. At least of the weekend.

Our kitchen towels have been washed 5 times, you know, testing the fucking washing machine.

The interim unit that was with us overnight did not dry. We paid 9 dollars for the manual to find this information.

The Chinese did not see a problem with this as they believe that sunlight is necessary to sterilize the filthy rags they tend to wear. They hang their clothes in their apartments where the sunlight can sterilize them. They move them frequently to follow the sun.

As there is seldom sun here, I find this entire routine baffling. Why do you put your freshly washed clothes out in the smoggy pollution? Whatever, it is their damn country and raggedy ass clothes.

This new unit washed and dried our kitchen towels and they were actually warm when we fetched them from the unit. This was under 2 hours. We are now trying pants.

What a Christmas Eve.

Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair

2011-12-23T06:17:00.000-05:00

One time when life was good Big Daddy sang me the entire score for movies. Yes, that was before he quit drinking. South Pacific and Oklahoma were his favorites. When he gave up drinking he seems to have given up singing.

Today I almost sang the lyrics from my unpublished musical "Watch out for the cement on the way off the Balcony". It is a Barbara Streisand, spelling please, type number, really huge and a lot of brass backing up the vocals.

If he survives it would be followed up with Shes Gone , by Hall and Oates.

There are never any problems according to Big Daddy.

Because you know this is all my fault, I did not communicate the problems properly.

We have had a "sign language" since shit went down the toilet. Picture yourself standing with you arms up at your sides with your elbows bent. Kind of a W if you include your head in the picture. Then shake your hands right and left as if you are going mad. That is the signal that I am at my maximum for bullshit.

The hand signal also means, I am done, do not cross this line, do not proceed forward.

So as Big Daddy just does not get it, let me put it in writing, read it and weep sweetest. Because we are no longer in conversation mode.

When I tell you the worst piece of shit washer/dryer unit in Shanghai does not work properly, it means this machine does not work. It does not mean that the few times you half-ass use it and don't think the soapsuds on the floor are a big deal, it is not a big deal. It does not mean that when you half -ass do laundry it is okay, because you refuse to listen when I say I have to rewash the clothes 3 or 4 times after you leave on your travels.

And yes, I understand that you have never heard me complain about this issue. I am convinced you need your ears cleaned on the streets by the ear cleaning people.

So, yes Shemp came up tonight after my screaming fit and agreed the unit needs something, who knows what that fix may be. This is one of those things you just wait and see. Shemp had quite a bit to say, however it was all in Chinese.

Stuff I have not mentioned recently:

When we got home last night the key cards to the apartment where shut off again.

The butter at the hotel is no longer packets of New Zealand butter, it is now "really yellow" in a flower shape, I think Chinese butter. I do not eat Chinese dairy products, that is just asking for problems. Remember this when I am on the IV Drip at the doctor's office next time.

A doctor called me on the way home, he was doing follow-up as I am a seriously ill patient (thankfully I did not know this) and the big question is when do I go back to the states. Since my insurance is lousy there I do not think that makes a dent in the big picture.

The best of the best, of course is the little problem of the escalator not working at the train station in Ning Hai, you have to carry your bags up and down 3 sets of steep marble stairs. I bitched that the suppliers should come help us with the bags, and guess what, they did. They came and got BD's bags. I have noticed that BD is the hero and I am the concubine wanna-be trailing behind. The thing that pisses me off is BD just leaves me behind to struggle on my own.

If, and that is a big if, I ever travel with Mr. Important again I think I will just sit on my bags and wait and see if the asshole notices I am not in the car.

Driving Miss Daisy to drink

2011-12-22T22:17:00.001-05:00

Chocolate Santa, Amay's Christmas present.

Yesterday was a roller coaster ride. Boredom followed by sheer fright.

The ride home to Shanghai did not commence until 4:30 PM. I sat in the lounge from check-out at 2 until about 4, taking very tiny sips of my wine. This was because I was monitoring liquids as I knew peeing on the way home was not an option. It is a 3 1/2 to 4 hour drive. We made one stop, for roasted corn on the cob and truck stop Christmas presents for Frenchey's family. He bought his wife a phony handbag from a truck stop in east lower hell.

The driver was a crazy man who has obviously never worked in automotive as he assumed all his equipment was far, far beyond 6 Sigma. The highlight of the trip was when we were drafting 2 huge trucks, we were straddling the white line and flashing our lights. The trucks parted like the Red Sea and we quickly scooted between them. We only used the lights once in a while, no one uses lights full time here, only when they feel the need.

When we got to Pudong Airport the car had barely stopped before Big Daddy snagged a taxi, this is kinda illegal for them to pick up at that spot, and we were on our way home in a flash. It seemed like the shortest ride ever and the driver was the best ever. He got a huge tip. He seemed sad and tired and I thought, well God blessed us with this driver and him with the easy and lucrative fare. So I gave him the Christmas tip hoping that maybe he would have at least an easier night and something nice for the weekend.

I was complaining to Tony at the hotel about the train ticket problem. He is so strange. He agreed with me and then asked if I knew about the train accident. And he said it as if that explained everything. I am thinking what, you make it harder to get tickets when the train crashes, for what purpose? Further conversation mentioned there were some really recent government inspections on this line and maybe they were not in compliance with the regulations. Tony said it should get better next year.

BD had another job interview Thursday morning, 5 AM China time. But the company is going into holiday shutdown so there will be no feedback until next year.

Punkin Head, you two stay safe and drive carefully. Love you both. Sorry I missed
your call.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, volume 82

2011-12-21T08:20:00.000-05:00

The good is well, lets start with the ugly. It is Christmas and I think we should save the best for last.

The Ugly, these people are the stupidest asshats on the planets, in my humble opinion. I have not met every asshat, but of the asshats I have met they rank first. You used to could get a train ticket a week in advance. Then they changed it to 5 days in advance. Then 3 days. Now it seems to be whenever the bitch wants to sell the tickets, well it is her call. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe never. This is why I need to move home. Because at some point I am gonna blow. Sell me the ticket or don't sell me the ticket, just make up your fucking idiot mind. And this is not a white person thing, they do it to the locals too. The land of the high speed trains cannot sell tickets. I think we need to get Piers on this shit.

The supplier is driving us all back to Shanghai tomorrow as none of us can get train tickets. We all know this expense is going to go into the final bill from the supplier for this job, so the low cost country is not going to be low cost pretty soon.

That is okay, the China Daily-my fave for news-says China is going to teach Africa how to plant and harvest cotton. I recall a recent post where I told you that China is going to invent a machine to harvest cotton. Is this full circle or should I just drink more.

The Bad, remember the really important white guy from the dinner last night? He lives in this hotel. And he wanted to take us to dinner, thanks to BD for getting us out of that one. He is a pretentious-let us just say he is not my type. Hell to the no. And all the while he has 3 little Chinese girls fawning on him every minute while he is explaining they are all MBA's from China's most famous universities?

The Good, well when we walked inside the hotel, there was the tree. They light the tree at 4PM and we were a bit early for that so I was just checking out the lobby. Mr. Concierge came over and started chatting. I had to explain to him about the reindeer. That they were Santa's reindeer. That he got them in Lappland. I almost sent him to Badger's Blog, then I thought that might be cruel. Santa, reindeer, Badger talking about hiding in a reindeer carcass. No, I could not do that.

Then I had to explain the presents. This guy was serious, how do the presents get there. Have you ever tried to explain Santa to someone about 30 years old? Yea, I did the whole nine yards, the cookies and the milk and the how when you are about 7 or 8 you know this is bullshit.

There is picture of Santa in the lobby and no one knew it was Santa. I taught Santa. WTF.

If we are still here in the spring you can bet your ass I will have Easter Bunny books.

The Big Dinner

2011-12-20T21:33:00.000-05:00

Centerpiece at the head table.

It was different. Big Daddy said it was toned down from typical Chinese dinners. This was for the economic development of the area and indeed put on by local government. There were some important people and interesting information. Enough said about that. Speeches were not too long. First in Chinese and then in English.

We sat at the head table, our table had 16 seats and the other 3 tables 10 seats. Our supplier picked us up and escorted us to the party. He was not invited. There was assigned seating and we were next to a very important white guy who was next to the head dude. That and one other lower than us German guy made up the westerners.

The table settings were a compromise with western flatware and chopsticks and nuts and sauces across the top. There was a small wine glass with a dribble of red wine, an empty goblet and a glass of crazy wine.

My crazy wine.

The empty goblet was for your drink. Big Daddy got his Coke and I asked for red wine as the white important dude was drinking it. They bring it in a small carafe. The reason for the dribble in the glass soon became apparent. They toast with it and then drain the glass. Therefore only a sip. No one drank the crazy wine and the staff took them away while serving dinner. After the speech the movers and shakers went to each guest and said hello and gave each of us his business card. Then during dinner you take your wine glass and carafe and toast each person and make small talk. And then when you get happier you go around and chat some more and by this time you use whatever carafe is handy. No one got more than happy. Very happy maybe.

The Lazy Susan was around 7 feet across and glass.

Smokes on the Whirley Bird.

The food was very good, mostly sea food and duck. BD was careful about he put on my plate. Did not know what most of it was. Ate some soup that was good and it turns out it was shark's fin, who knew. They did bring some items on individual plates and individual plates of fruit at the end.

The end was the best, just when you wonder when it will end, everyone stands up and toasts and the head dude says the party is over. Woohoo, no guessing when you can sneak out.

Funny of the day: BD pokes me on the train and tells me the Chinese girl is taking pictures of herself with phony glasses on. I try not to stare as it is rude, but really, this chick had red and black plastic frames with no lenses. And she is admiring herself with the camera and snapping pictures. WTF.

Random Snippets once again

2011-12-18T23:51:00.000-05:00

Working really hard to stay healthy for the big dinner. Sometimes it is harder to stabilize so I am really watching what I eat and when.

Just finished John Sanford's Shock Wave with Virgil Flowers. Love those books. This one was great.

As soon as the floors dry I need to pick out clothes and pack for the trip. Then a nice long bath. I don't know why I need to be so clean when I travel here, it is always filthy and disgusting.

Big Daddy seems to think a couple things could happen at the dinner. Maybe a banquet or maybe other customers from our supplier. Neither of us believe the gubmint is paying, they never do, so it will be interesting.

The demise of the N Korean leader is all over CNN, this will be interesting to see how it plays out.

Oh yea, I heard Sophie won on Survivor. Come on there is not much to watch and do here, it is just mind candy for passing the time. Anyway, what is it with these people? You could tell who was a loser and who was dangerous and they all just ignored the signs. Can't see the forest for the trees or just plain stupid ass people?

I found 2 new Blogs that look interesting, one is total snark (wish I could be her she is hilarious) and one that seems to follow architecture and furnishings, I will let you know if they are great.

Whirley Bird dinners

2011-12-16T22:15:00.000-05:00

I have been told everything here is a 2000 year tradition. In reading the history of this country that is not possible, but then again neither is Santa Claus. This is the dinner tradition.

The Whirley Bird dinner is a very intense way to entertain customers. I have no knowledge of their personal celebrations.

The Chinese style restaurants have private rooms where the dinner is served. In the middle of the table is a huge Lazy Susan. The host orders for the table and they bring out the dinner in stages. Not sure about the stages. All the dishes are communal and everyone sticks their chop sticks in to get their own food. These are the same chop sticks you eat with. They do not follow the Japanese style of eating from one end and serving from the other end of the chop sticks. They serve rice at the end of the meal. Plain rice. Then fruit.

They also serve very, very weak tea, hot water and crazy wine. Crazy wine is like (and may be) sickly moonshine. My bottle, which I would never consider drinking, has some floaters in it and smells terrible. I know this because it leaked. They fill the crazy wine glasses and slam the drink continuously throughout the dinner. The goal is to get very drunk. They have a toast they holler out and slam the drink. And they toast everyone all night.

I know this stuff from Big Daddy. And he has never met with the gubmint (yes, I am spelling it that way for a reason) so this dinner may be a tad different. I will try for some pictures, I really do not know the protocol for this area. BD did tell me to order a Coke, fill up the glass and take tiny sips to keep it full, when a glass has room they pour in the crazy wine.

So you can see why a Wasp with a weak stomach and no adventure in her soul was hoping to miss this highlight. I feel a BLT on wheat toast is an abomination.

The name Whirley Bird came from an event in the past. Some friends well known as cheaper than cheap asked some of us to help them move. They said they would order pizza and furnish drinks. Well we all busted ass moving them and when we were tired, dirty and hungry they put a bag of potato chips on the Lazy Susan. You had to twirl the Lazy Susan to reach in and get your chips and that baby never stopped whirling. And the hosts decided that we did not need pizza, the chips were enough. Maybe I should write an entire post about these people, they were unbelievable.

There is such a thing as too popular

2011-12-15T23:14:00.000-05:00

Another first, the "gubmint" peoples want to take us to dinner for Christmas and New Year. Not sure whose New Year. There is no way you can turn down this kinda shit. The guy that is assigned as the messengar is really nice and we can't make him look bad.

And there is one of you out there that knows this is gonna be whirley bird dinner. I was so certain I could get out of here with no whirley birds. I am also certain there is a protocol for sitting and don't have a clue and I am not drinking the crazy wine. And Big Daddy does not drink. This should be interesting.

Shit, are we supposed to take these fucks gifts?

Well at least I have a place to wear the 999 Roses.

Looks good to me

2011-12-14T01:12:00.000-05:00

Counter top looks fine.

5 hours including lunch and quite a few Chinese conversations with "counter top" Shemp and we are done. I guess. No idea on how long til I can use it, yes I asked Shemp and he told me, just not in English. He is making a phone call however. I don't know to whom.

3 conversation included the need for me to cover the appliances, including the leaky coffee maker. Finally I caught on and got a towel from the bathroom. Shemp was happy. Then we moved the stuff out and I scattered it about the apartment. This was because the electric sander made quite a mess. Shemp never let go of his sander, he took it to lunch. A man and his tools, he probably had to sign out for it.

Well the kitchen window is wide open, not sure why and I am waiting to see when the ayis show up to clean this mess. Then maybe I can clean the kitchen to white people standards and maybe have lunch. Or dinner as this is already past lunchtime.

Another chapter in the counter top saga

2011-12-12T21:55:00.000-05:00

I am now quite sure this is phony granite.

Phony granite amazes me as it is more expensive than real granite here. The 2 foot hunk of whatever material it is came loose. It was not really heavy but quite awkward to deal with. I had no place to put it and I did not want it to fall and break, especially on my feet.

On closer inspection it also appears it has been repaired in the past. Hmm, how many Shemps have vaulted up on this sink I wonder.

So I sent Big Daddy up to the Concierge with the broken hunk of counter top. Sean seemed amazed that we did not want to keep in a place of honor in the apartment. I have an appointment at 9 AM Wednesday for whatever they are going to do. BD also told Sean that in order to save me throwing cell phones down the toilet, and avoiding a toilet repair, he need to get the ayis under control. And get them to change the towels properly.

In the couple years we have been here we are seeing a pattern. There is some rule that all monies owed to workers somehow has to be paid in full in coordination of the Chinese New Year. This is when people typically quit or change jobs. Huge turnover and this year it is around January 23 I think. As it is nearly impossible to fire someone here employees can get away with practically anything.

My long awaited package from Punkin Head arrived and had to be picked up at the Post Office. It contained my new AMEX and I was getting concerned about the card. It also contained 2 birthday cards and some movies from The Ladies collection. Last night we watched Fried Green Tomatoes, I love that movie.

This is gonna get ugly

2011-12-12T00:44:00.000-05:00

I am hopeful I have not lost my sense of humor. I seem to be a bit cranky. Big Daddy is pissing me off, he is taking the stupid pills again. Yes, we have them in America too, men don't take them regularly, just when they need to feel stupid. Yesterday as I was getting a gallon of oil on my toenails and then having them wrapped in plastic film he asked if I wanted to stroll down to the bakery. Then he told me we had new movies, which we don't have. Then he washed kitchen towels this morning instead of last night. Kitchen towels take 4 to 5 hours in the machine. He is on thin ice here.

I am giving him a chance to redeem himself.

The Shemps did not appear for the kitchen counter top repair. I waited for the ayi invasion before I got pissed. Actually the ayis pissed me off. First they dropped everything in the hall. It sounded like all hell broke loose. Then they started shouting at each other. Then they started talking on the phones. Well, when the one ayi got a call in the kitchen and I could hear the caller, I did have to say something. I was nice, I did not swear and scream, I just told her no phone. That will be on BD's list of things to do, ask the manager if he pays the ayis to clean or talk on the phone. I mean really, they get out of hand and you have to say something. They have brought their children when they clean. They have brought husbands and boyfriends, and brothers. Not any more.

Maybe I should have titled this the bitch is back.

So anyway, I called BD and asked him to inquire about the counter top with the management. He talked to Sean. Sean and Brian are the managers and I can't remember which is the big boss. Sean then called me. It seems the counter top cannot be repaired for a few days. They don't know when. They don't have the right shit to fix the counter top. He suggested that I just sit in the apartment and wait for them to show up. I suggested he fuck himself. He suggested that waiting was a great idea. I suggested we get the leasing company involved and then I told him he had given me a Chinese headache. As we were quite far apart in our negotiations I ended the call.

So now BD is in charge of saving the day, my sanity, and Sean's hide. And maybe that ayi's cell phone as I may flush it down the toilet the next time I have to hear that bullshit.

Shemp returns

2011-12-11T04:23:00.000-05:00

The spot of ledge on which Shemp hunched down to fix the heating unit. That is our kitchen window. Pic taken from the back balcony.

Well I am pretty sure we have heat. Shemp was gone when we returned from our mani and pedi experience. And shortly thereafter an ayi arrived to mop. And she emptied a waste can. Actually she did quite a bit which only means this is worse than I think it is. And she discovered the tub that does not drain and is making a phone call. Woohoo.

The worst part of the entire mess was Shemp once again refused the step stool and used his own methods of getting out the window onto the ledge. That involved vaulting onto the sink and counter. Which resulted in the one piece granite counter breaking/cracking in 2 places. Which of course made the sink dicey. You know, staying in place.

Well the Shemps are supposed to replace the counter top tomorrow while the ayis are doing their regular cleaning. This may require stronger drink than my wine. Or more wine than I have.

Well they just left and I pressed some special tea on the ayi, she acted like she did not want to take it but I persisted and she relented. She did a damn fine job. Tub is now draining properly.

Toes are pretty and Big Daddy is ready to tackle the kitchen with his well massaged hands and arms.

Out and About

2011-12-10T22:55:00.000-05:00

I finally left the apartment on Saturday to get my hair done. No problems and the hair looks good. Stress makes it worse and worrying if you are going to have an episode is stressful. I almost froze to death though. It was mid-forties and felt like 30 degrees. That would be F not C.

We ended up coming back home to get my full length fur before the afternoon. I have never worn that fur when the temps were above freezing. Everyone seems to think the humidity makes it feel colder. And here when there is cold there is wind.

We just wandered around and I found a new throw blanket for 3 dollars. When we got home I made Big Daddy throw it in the washer as we found it in rather dodgy conditions. Came out fine.

Shemp came last night for the no heat problem. I am sure this will become a huge issue as the first thing they did was to offer us another apartment. Then Shemp called his buddy. 2 Shemps do not make a quorum. This morning Shemp came back and is sitting out on this tiny ledge tearing apart the heating unit. I can't get a picture, I will improvise later.

BD did get Shemp to fix the chain on the front door. When we were leaving the apartment about 6 months ago he opened the door with the chain connected and it broke. As he used no extra force I was not worried about the safety factor, so I never rushed to get it repaired.

This afternoon I have a pedicure and I need to get ready, and I have no heat here. Hmm, could be interesting.

IBS

2011-12-07T00:44:00.000-05:00

Well I bucked up and investigated one of the medications I was not familiar with, Dicetel. I also found quite a bit of information on Irritable Bowel Syndrome and there is more information available than I found a few years ago. Dicetel does not seem too bad when you weigh the symptoms against the "what may happen". When I was a child they had me on phenobarbital and Donnatal, I was so upset when they put our poodle on the same meds for seizures. Then a 10 or so years ago Bentyl, which did nothing. The next was I think Velnorm which I am positive almost killed me.

The only problem with the Dicetel so far is you are supposed to take it with food and I just cannot eat right now. A piece of cheese is about it, and I don't think that is enough. Or perhaps it is my phobia about taking pills. I just hate it. Yuck. And it always scares me when they say you should not take the pills lying down. First, who could? Don't you have to sit up to drink the water? Second, what is the problem, does this shit need gravity to work?

There were a lot of stories on one site of people's experiences with IBS and I have to admit, I did laugh my ass off. It is a terrible disease and very hard to control, but when it is not you, it is hilarious what people go through to hide it. Or what happens when they can't.

I know stress makes mine worse. And eating properly is different for everyone but the main key seems to be eating smaller portions more often. And that is my failure here, access to what I can eat and eating too much when I actually see real food. I have to learn to be satisfied by small portions of nothing with a treat once in a while.

The food poisoning seems to have run its course, so now it is just getting back on track. I wish I could get real yogurt here, and real whole wheat bread.

Home Maintenance

2011-12-05T23:14:00.000-05:00

Big Daddy left for Ning Hai and I can't blame him.

I need to call Shemp and frankly I am not up to it. The tub is not draining properly and the knob to turn on the sprayer is not working properly. I have to use my Leatherman to use it. Same knob problem in the shower and I am not using the Leatherman in the shower. And something is not right with the washer/dryer machine. It does not want to do the fake drying cycle.

I would say I am 50% better. Doctor said it was very serious so I must be at medium now. I forgot the instructions on one medicine and I need to look it up on the Internet as everything except the name is in Chinese. This is always a bad idea for me, I get diseases from just hearing about them, you know the hypochondria thing. Could call the doctor but that ordeal is as frustrating as getting Piers off the air, just never works.

That reminds me, someone left a comment on the last Blog about recycling and Green credits. When I was working I was called to a meeting at Plant Loco to give them all the information on how we recycled our product and where did we send it. I told them a corn field. It was a non-recycle item. Those idiots had stored 3 years of this crap and claimed credits on their recycling efforts. Just another example of my tax dollars down the shitter.

I apologize for the content here, just not up to breezy chit chat.

Oh yea, I am reading James Patterson and unknown writer's The Christmas Wedding. Almost at the end and it is starting to feel like a Nicholas Sparks book. WTF. Has anyone heard of James Lee Burke? I need a new author.

More gifts for me

2011-12-05T00:34:00.000-05:00

Our free Christmas tree, we sprang for the twinkle lights at 3 bucks a pop.

If you order from Mealbay, a restaurant delivery service, on Christmas tree Saturday you get a free tree with ornaments. A full meter of holiday cheer.

I also got food poisoning, at least that is what the doctor thinks at this point. Yes, I ended up back at the doctor's office for another go-round with the IV treatment and a shot in the hiney. The good news is that bright red blood is better than dark ucky blood. I now have enough medication to start my own store. And a thermometer. They are hard to find here.

I also have a new doctor. My old one must have escaped because the new one did not know who he was. She has only been here 2 weeks so she must be his replacement. She also recommended Gatorade for severe dehydration and a gluten free diet for the IBS. I asked her very politely in non Nola Rice language if she had lost her fucking mind. Where in the hell does she think I can find that stuff in China. She laughed and agreed. She did tell me to lay off the ginger ale. But when you are that sick, there is nothing like ginger ale, just wished it could have been Vernor's.

So momma is having a very quiet week.

Now this is a Christmas tree

2011-11-30T21:56:00.000-05:00

Lobby at the Howard Johnson Hotel

On his last trip to Ning Hai Big Daddy took some books and movies for the guys at the tool shop. Their favorites were the movie 127 Days and a funny book on a guy's travel through China. I could not watch the movie and it gave BD nightmares. Nan had been looking for it for some time. He and Jason were fighting over who got to read the book first. Nan actually lived in Germany for a few years and Jason has traveled quite a bit, so they are both aware China is very odd to visitors.

Forgot to ask Punkin Head this morning if he got my email about a book I am looking for, These Entertaining People, it is from the 60's and written by Florence Pritchett Smith. She was the wife of the Ambassador to Cuba during the evacuation. Sounded very interesting in a review.

Funny of the day, I asked BD to bring home some shampoo as I had run out. He said he would call down to bring some up. Huh, BD's hair length is measured thousandths it is so short, what happened to the shampoo? He took a bubble bath with it. I gotta get him out of here.

The quest for coffee

2011-11-28T23:17:00.000-05:00

Hello Kitty home appliances, Chinese love Hello Kitty

I have finally convinced Big Daddy we need a new coffee maker. He did take the hint and he took it apart and did something to the shut-off valve but it leaked a few days later. Finally I had to put my cute little foot down and just tell him, this is fucking ridiculous. These cheap piece of shit machines only last a year and that is the truth of it. My coffee maker at home cost around 400 dollars and it goes for maintenance once a year.

So last night we traipsed over to the local appliance store to look at coffeemakers, they had one. It was a regular, small, electric drip pot. Nope, I can do just as well with the French press models. Now we have to go to the big ball building, they are the other place that has electronics and appliances. It is a huge mall type place and I don't think we can get as good a deal there. Coffee makers are difficult to find here and why coffee is so expensive I believe, they don't drink it very often. Oh, Starbucks is packed but you can buy tea there and those coffee's are all flavored and fancied, not just good coffee.

The reason I let Big Daddy buy all the appliances, or let him think he does, is because he just adores the research and getting the best deal. That and the blue car. We were getting a new car one year and he came home and said it was all worked out, there were 2 cars available, pick which color I liked. One was black sapphire and one was dark auburn. Well, I hate blue. So you can guess which one I brought home. He was aghast! Didn't I look at the brochures he brought home? Well, yes I had and I thought that it was odd to bring them home. I guess I did not listen to how passionately he had described the black sapphire, however in the sunlight it was blue. I heard about that damn car for years. Until he brought me the 18 karat gold, handmade necklace from Italy set with sky blue topaz. Which I immediately loaned to my mother, who loves blue.

And I have rarely set foot on a car lot again. New rules, you buy the shit you want and I will use it, drive it or give it away if it is blue. It has worked out quite well.

O Tannenbaum

2011-11-27T02:56:00.000-05:00

Thought I would cheer myself up so I went down to soak up the warmth and beauty of our lobby Christmas Tree. It has been up for a few weeks now. It is so much better than the raggedy ass piece of shit they had on the counter.

The Best Month Ever

2011-11-25T02:56:00.000-05:00

Yes, it is indeed my copy of the The Help.

Thanksgiving dinner in front of the television.

When Big Daddy went out to do his shopping chores he found the movie, he is my hero.

We just could not do the phony Thanksgiving dinners, we got some foie gras last weekend, some fabulous cheese and just winged it. The foie gras will improve with experience in searing it but all in all, not bad. The trick is on how hot the pan must be-sear but not melt. The grilled fruit was great and the dinner was very satisfactory.

The movie was wonderful. I loved this book, and the movie did not veer too far off, the changes were fitting and I did not want to have her mama die again. The flavor and nuance of the south was huge, I felt like I used to walk those streets. I remember living in the south, near Memphis, when these things happened, it was truly a different world. We had a maid for little while, but I think she only came once in a while, and she babysat us. I remember how amazed she was that our poodle cost 100 dollars. And that dog was a bitch and the bane of my existence for years.

My mother refused to try to fit in with the ladies and it was always a trial, you can't be like them but must get along with them. My mother was from the north and took quite a different direction from "making your point" to just becoming scandalous, she made us swim in the public pool after it was integrated. We were the only white kids in the pool. And mother did not come with us, she was more of the make the shitball than throw the shitball person. She was too busy trying to save to world than to make our lives easy. Her world was a lady that did not know how to cook fish sticks. And mother never did convince her to use the stove.

Big Daddy is at his interview, for those keeping score he has turned down 2, one for less money than I used to make and one for location. It will happen when it happens.

A Question Answered, Part 2

2011-11-23T03:03:00.000-05:00

I was just checking my stats, I am still convinced that is all bullshit, and one of my popular posts was Sept. 20 of 2009. I described why Chinese woman wear ugly ass short nylon socks with sandals. It is so they do not get headaches.

WTF, I do not need antibiotics for my sinus headache, I need socks. Ok, wearing socks tonight and if I wake up headache free, well there ya go. Also, these socks cure backaches, this could be a win, win.

Will let y'all know if this works.

Qipu (Cheap) Road Clothing Market

2011-11-23T02:47:00.000-05:00

Well, we have directions to this shopping mecca corrected by a high level executive's personal driver. They were corrected as the admin asked him if the directions were good enough to get us to the area. Thank you to the admin, she has done a lot of extra work for Big Daddy. She is the same admin who got me out of the Overstay office and also got my fine covered by the company.

So the information on Cheapo Lu says it is the typical nasty, filthy and loud shopping experience in the Chinese areas of the city. For the best quality you need to shop on the 3rd to 5th floors. You should also be there at 3 to 4 in the morning as that is when all the private shop owners swoop in to get the best items. This explains where all these odd little stores get their stock, they go and get what they can find and afford at Cheapo Lu, mark it up and hope for the best. This also explains why they so frequently go out of business. Gotta have a plan and just a bunch of cheap shit is not a business plan.

I remember one odd little store that had shoes, great shoes, they were all womens size 40. Now I wear a European 38, I have one of the biggest pair of feet in China and this bastard (the owner) was yelling at me a price of almost 150 U.S. dollars. I guess he was stressed out and thought I was a stupid Laowai that would pay way too much money for shoes that were too big. Why would he buy all those shoes that maybe 3 people in China would want? He probably got them for a Cheapo Lu price at 3 in the morning.

So it looks like we are going to Cheapo Lu tomorrow. Not a 3 in the morning. And I think our next stop should be the fabric market, where the tailors are.

By the way, all better now except for a funky headache when I wake up. If that does not clear up soon I may have to dip into the antibiotics. It could just be a sinus irritation from the swell environment we live in. I could go to the doctor, but if that involves an X-ray for a sinus infection, I will take my chances with my own stash of medicine. Because that means another trip to the hospital. You cannot just call your doctor and get a script here, what a pain in the ass.

Feeling slightly human

2011-11-22T01:51:00.000-05:00

This is one of the pretty white rugs I just had to have, I apologize for not making the bed.

I remember wanting a rug like this when I was a teenager, don't know much about it but I love it. I have 2, used to have 3 until Big Daddy ruined one. Don't ask because even I don't know. He somehow zero's in on certain things that will not survive and the rug I put in the guest room was a target.

When I first came to China our apartment was a sparse wasteland with no warmth. And no forks and spoons. BD got some cheap flatware and then we went to Ikea. I had never been to Ikea before, and have never been back. We got some throw things, throw pillows, rugs and blankets. Not full size blankets, those throw ones you keep on the end of the bed or the chair or the couch.

Well, not quite 2 years later you could see through the one throw blanket. Everything here is zone heating or cooling so you always need a throw. Guess I wore that one out. I wanted a nice silk one but they are extremely expensive and then I found out about a town a short train ride away where everyone buys their silk. I have not been there yet, but I cannot spend money on something in Shanghai that I know is overpriced.

Recently at the Howard Johnson in Ning Hai I could not regulate the heat/air and I was really in jet lag mode. The room finally got cold versus warm and clammy and I remembered a blanket in the closet. It was a huge down, fluffy, king size blanket. I snuggled in and had a great nap. That is when I remembered I still needed a great blanket for the apartment. The see-through blanket was not enough. I think it is a U.S. thing, you gotta have a great blanket.

Squishy blanket

So on my birthday weekend as we were wandering on (phonetic spelling) Wa Hi Lu I remembered the bedding store on Raijun Road that I had wanted to go into for 2 years. It was fascinating. It seems to be a medium to higher end Chinese store with limited stock. They tried like hell to help me find a blanket. It was hilarious, especially when they showed me the really big towels. I was pantomiming watching television with a blanket. So this is the blanket we ended up with, and I got to see all the prices on the other stuff. When I go back to the stall across the street with the rugs I can check out the blanket prices and quality now. Good deal.

The blanket cost as much as 2 rugs. I am not sure if I got ripped off or not, but I think so. But it was the only blanket I could find in Shanghai after 2 years that was not a piece of shit. I could have gone to Hermes and purchased a cashmere blanket, but you know, I would have to pay duty on that when I move home. And Hermes is cheaper in the U.S. And I don't care for Hermes.

This one is for Punkin Head

2011-11-20T23:50:00.000-05:00

Punkin Head Skyped me, he was worried about us. I hadn't Blogged in a few days.

Well, one reason is we are depressed. Big Daddy's boss has become a huge asshole, and when you are a short timer that is hard to take.

The weather has been abysmal and when it gets dark at 4:30 in the afternoon, that sucks too.

Sunday morning we went to the doctor for prescription refills. That took forever as these are the most incompetent people in the world. The doctor took about 7 minutes for us both, we went in together, and then we had to go to the in-house pharmacy. Then paying. These people print more paper for bullshit than can be believed.

Next we went to Starbucks so I could get some coffee to use for my cookbook experiments. No de-caf. So we meandered downstairs to the city shop for odds and ends and got coffee there. But it is the same Lille coffee and the City Shop ground it and I do not think it is right.

Now we were off to the hospital for our flu shots. You cannot get those at the doctor's office, you have to go to the hospital. And fill out all the forms again and get more paper printouts.

After dinner last night I was freezing, shivering cold. But it was 74 degrees in the apartment. Yep, I got the throwback flu from the shot. Ran a fever all night, tossed and turned, nightmares and a huge headache. Just before I went to bed I somehow found the LSU/Ole Miss game on the sports channel. LSU took Ole Miss to the cleaners, it was embarrassing to watch, I think the final score was 52-3. So I had football nightmares all night.

I am hopeful this week will be better. Big Daddy is in Ning Hai and returns tomorrow evening. He has Thursday and Friday off so we can pretend to have Thanksgiving. And Friday is no longer an all fun day as he has a job interview at Pudong Airport at 1PM. It is a good thing he put in for vacation those 2 days.

I did get the latest Vanity Fair at the City Shop and the movie sellers are now saying they think they can get The Help in early December. As I never heard from Ron Howard on getting an advanced copy, this could be the plan.

Gotta take some more Advil and go back to bed. Oh, I forgot to tell you about my new blanket, maybe tomorrow if I feel like a human.

Herding Cats, or Why My Wife is Not Crazy

2011-11-16T06:33:00.001-05:00

For a week or so I have been hiding, complaining, and acting bizarre. I have been hearing cats. Meow, meow. I have been shutting the kitchen door at night as if this was going to keep the legion of cats from attacking me.

It seems this was a good idea.

There was a massive herd of cats loosed into our buildings. Into the stairwells. They were monitored, by the government.

Their job, to catch the mice and rats.

They were government cats. They were highly trained cats. They were sent on their cat missions by uniformed government officials. No shit, I can't make this shit up. Hang on, this gets really better.

They found the enemy. The cats, found the enemy. Not in my building thank goodness. It is about 100 yards from my building. That would be about 91 and 1 half meters for the non Americans. Or as Big Daddy says half a furlong.

When we lived in Grosse Pointe one day on his way home one day BD witnessed the Titty bar on Michigan Avenue knocked down by bulldozers. There where thousands of rats escaping across the street. He said it was the most bizarre sight he has ever seen, rats, rats, everywhere and not a cat in sight. He said they covered a half a furlong in thirty seconds. In heavy traffic.

So I am quite sure the rats will not reach my apartment. Because the government sent in fighter cats. Chinese fighting cats. Each government person carried in a fighter cat in each arm. These are not the discovery cats, they are the fighter cats.

They also put out notices that no one should allow their children to play in the stairways as Ratazide has been applied.

So, the next time I tell someone I hear or see weird shit, I don't think anyone should just poo poo what I say.

Hey, hey, LBJ, how many kids did you kill today

2011-11-16T04:12:00.000-05:00

Now that was a chant meant to get some attention. That was a purist protest by people that actually had some skin in the game.

I remember reading years later how LBJ's daughter went to sleep listening to that chant.

That is getting your message across. On TV every night protesting a war that sent boys required to register for the draft to go to some far a way place and do your duty. Or whatever the corrupt military, at that time, commanded you to do. I don't know how bad the corruption was, I was not there. But I have talked to too many people that were there, that shit really makes some of the movies seem tame.

Then we had Kent State. That turned out really badly. I actually wrote a letter to President Nixon and I got a response. Yes, it was in crayon as I am still quite young, and yes the response was boilerplate. But I complained to the President and I got a response. Funny thing, not one person in my family noticed, questioned or asked to look a letter from the president, but that is another story.

So I am befuddled about the Occupy protests. What is the purpose? I get they are pissed about the Wall Streeters not suffering during the recession. How is sleeping in a tent making the Wall Streeters uncomfortable in their 1500 thread count linens on their excellent mattresses?

But sleeping in a tent with your generator is not making me feel the desperation of your message. What are these people trying to present to us all that will cause some sort of change? How can they justify the damage to the environment with the generators? How can they explain how they can afford the generators and the fuel? What exactly is it that they want?

The 60 and early 70's

People ignored the sit-ins, not a real message. People took notice of the Black Panthers, they had a huge and visible message. You may not have liked it, but you could not ignore it. UAW riots, decades earlier, those sent a message. Marching in the south for Civil Rights, message sent. Opponents sent some messages back on that one, but the point is, we all knew the message.

Occupy Whatever, not getting a clear message.

Now if the complaint is about how law and policy caused you to suffer, there is a remedy for that. It requires gathering signitures to recall your legislators, sitting in their offices until they respond to your questions. And maybe if we want to just take a little bit of history and make it work in today, get tough with the lobbyists. The lobbyists do not sleep in the park.

Nixon resigned, LBJ declined to run for another term and someone decided to get rid of the draft. I do not think all those protests were worthless. I do think all of us had a mission. Change.

Unpainted Toenails

2011-11-15T01:23:00.000-05:00

There will be no picture as I view unpainted toenails unacceptable for public viewing.

I considered drawing a picture but as Leonardo and I seem to have more than 6 degrees of separation that could take weeks.

Shit, first we need to get the latest The Help update out of the way. Punkin Head actually went looking and The Lady inquired for me, I believe a at Barnes & Noble. Nope, it is definitely December for release. As much as I have bitched about this I think Opie should just send me the movie in honor of his daughter, one of the stars of the film. Yea, like that is gonna happen. I would even donate money to his cause, whatever that is, just to get the damn movie.

I have also solved part one of the getting a job mission. I really am wishing I can find something not in automotive. That is a crazy world and I do not think I can do that again, and for probably a lot less money than they used to pay. I am used to sleeping all night and not talking to asshats at 11 PM. Also, since the government gave them some of my tax dollars I feel I have a right to tell them when they are out of line.

So to address part one, I am writing a cookbook. Just because I hate cooking and kitchens and preparing food is not a good reason not to write a book about cooking. I took over Big Daddy's Blog, previously called "Big Daddy Can Cook" now called, The Best Cookbook ever for Really Stupid People. I think it will be a success. I left his old recipes on it, there were only 2, they were good (stolen other people's recipes) and I may want to try them someday. I am currently working on a recipe for making coffee. If you check it out I must say Susan Spicer's recipe for Garlic Soup is the best.

Now, let us address unpainted toenails. These are usually toenails that have rarely if ever been seen by a professional. I do admit I have an odd fascination with toenails. Can't explain that, just do. Toenails should never be shown in public without polish. Professional type polishing. No one wants to look at nasty, dirty, jagged toenails with unkempt cuticles. Cuticle care is as important to pretty feet as perfect polish. Gleaming soft skin, silken cuticles and shiny perfect polished nails, that makes a foot worthy of being seen. Anything less is an affront to good manners. Anyone with a whit of sense can learn to do a proper pedicure, there is no excuse for bare toenails in public.

People without the good sense to polish their toes can wear oxfords and boots. Which of course means men should never be seen with visible toenails unless they are standing in sand. Period. Maybe on a boat, if they learned to properly care for their feet. Or they get regular pedicures, with buffing.

Alice Waters is on CNN preaching about organic farming

2011-11-14T01:35:00.000-05:00

Smack me in the head. She thinks that putting buffalo shit on vegetables in China is something that is world shattering?

These are the people that just decided, yes my source is once again The China Daily, there are not enough peasants to pick cotton by hand. They are going to invent a cotton picking machine. Yep, you heard me, they are gonna automate. Cotton Picking.

International Harvester needs to re-think their name.

Blog Protocol

2011-11-14T01:24:00.000-05:00

999 roses

First let us just get the daily The Help update out of the way. It comes out on DVD at Amazon on December 6. It is around 30 US dollars. Now if I order this I will have to have Punkin Head overnight the movie to me and we all know it will become available in China the day after he ships it out. GRR. And we somehow are out of sync with books. Every book is on pre-order, I am sure because they are salivating over Christmas sales since they must not make shit on the electronic books. Just a little tear running down my cheek, I really miss bookstores with books in English. Although I am sure there are other Americans missing that also, no doubt the former Borders employees.

So on to this Blogging protocol question. And yes, I have way to much time on my hands.

People put shit out on the Internet for whatever reason and people read it for whatever reason. I get that part. Some people live really interesting lives or are really good at fabricating one. Some people are funny, some are good writers, and some share a common interest. I love the crossword puzzle Blogs.

But there are some people that put themselves out there as "look at me" aren't I doing a marvelous thing? This is mostly, but not entirely, the fashion and cooking Blogs. This is my new outfit, this is how I cooked a roast, could any number of strangers please tell me how to purchase a car, underpants and mascara type people.

When you read the comments on these Blogs, everyone always tells the writer how wonderful they look, how fabulous they are, how they wished they could own those shoes. What the fuck is up with that? Then they beg on their sites that you send them more readers. Huh.

So my question is, would it be so horrible to tell some of these people the truth? If you are going to post outfits posing for pictures, maybe you should iron the clothes first. If your gums are the first thing people see, change your lipstick or take a page from Victoria Beckham and quit smiling. If your recipe is stolen from a movie that made the cake a parody, do not fucking post it as this is a great cake. And I do not even want to discuss unpainted toenails today, it is too large of a subject.

I only post a comment when I have something to say, which is not all time. But I never criticize other people. I also do not blow smoke up their ass.

I guess I just answered my own question. These people really do believe they are doing something great and really do not want constructive criticism. They do not understand why they do not have enough followers or clicks for whatever monetary goal they have set for themselves. It is all about the money and they are not willing to invest a bit of money to make the money they think they deserve. Bingo.

Tomorrow, either unpainted toenails, a search for a job, or whatever other stupid shit pops into my head.

Turkey Day

2011-11-13T00:09:00.000-05:00

Big Daddy spilled his guts and informed me he has 7 vacation days left. Wow, of course that is because he just found out this year the lying and thieving Chinese forgot to tell him he had 2 work days when he got home leave. They pay for your tickets, so they have to say 2 days of your trip are work related.

Anyhoo, he is taking off Thanksgiving like a real white person. That is what the Chinese call us, white people, when they are being kind. So we are investigating where to go for Thanksgiving dinner. The prices are totally outrageous and all include what I am pretty sure is a glass of crappy wine.

The cheapest so far seems to be The Roosevelt which is supposed to be the most beautiful and expensive place to get a steak. As dried out turkey and cheap wine is probably served everywhere, I think the most beautiful and historic place is the right way to go. But we are not sure where it is.

First off, even China admits the maps are not the most accurate. And since mostly no one can read a map it is not really a priority to fix this problem. I was pretty sure I knew where it was, and then BD finds this map on the Internet that shows somewhere completely different. And the website is so out of date, well who knows where the fuck this place is. And, blast it all, it is not shown on my scarf.

Investigation is in order here, but first I have to go see if anyone has The Help.

Just an aside, as I regularly rip any movie I see, watched Midnight in Paris with Owen Wilson and it was not bad. It actually had a plot I have not seen before.

Why does evil exist

2011-11-11T06:39:00.000-05:00

Because we all allow it.

I have a personal investment in the recent stories of people that were beaten by belts and taken advantage of when they should have been in a safe place and ignored by the people that should have taken care of these issues. Yes, I have had a welt or two. And I have been made to touch a penis that should not have been bandied about.

It is very easy to ignore these stories, it is even easier to pretend it is not your own story. When it was important I believed someone who told me I would be ostracized if I told the truth. Guess what, I kept the secret and I am still ostracized. When the abuser has control, well what did you think the outcome would be?

What is more horrible to deal with, this mess in your own family, it is to deny that this ever happens in good and decent families. Everyone wants to believe they have a normal and decent family.

Every time I see and hear this on television I am forced to remember things I would really prefer to forget. I was told in so many words and many ways that I was never not allowed to talk about this. I had to keep the biggest secret. That is a very hard secret to keep.

I wondered why I was supposed to pretend this never happened. And now I wonder why all the others that this happened to are now expected to stand up and say yes, this is what that bad person did to me.

When no one ever stood up for them.

Okay, maybe in the past those adults did not have the tools, or the guts, or the common sense to stand up and say, no. Still does not make it right.

Adults are not supposed to use children as toys, they are also not supposed to use them as objects of anger, and adults are also not supposed to cover up the terror and horror that children experience at the hands of monsters. Sorry to say, it is true, these people are monsters, been there, seen it, first hand.

Every person that covers up and ignores this type of abuse has more to answer for than mere mortals can ask of them. God Bless all our souls.

A Warning to Humankind

2011-11-10T03:54:00.000-05:00

I am fairly certain, almost positive, that women continue to have PMS after menopause. As a quality professional I have looked at the data:

*The need to smack the shit out of random strangers continues to manifest itself.
*The need to smack the living shit out of people you kinda know continues to manifest itself.
*The desire to throw random shit off the balcony in a rage, rears it's ugly head off and on.

The only thing missing is the intense desire for very good chocolate. I know this because I have very good chocolate in the cupboard and have no desire to consume it with a very good red wine. Although I must admit I do not have a very good red wine on hand.

So here is the deal. I cannot watch my television shows on my computer. Maybe this is because China is pissed off that the Wee Wee fella is getting donations to pay off his tax bill. Maybe this is because everything in China occasionally sucks. Maybe this is because all the fucking money that I pay to make sure I can watch the television is a waste of money. Whatever. It pisses me off.

So then, this morning the Ayi's of the day come to clean/make the apartment more dirty this morning, late as usual, and they piss me off. There was a breaking bulletin on CNN on the Penn State situation and these bints (new Australian word of the day) are hollering at each other. In my fucking apartment. I did contain myself for the moment.

Now I cannot get the computer television to work properly and I am mad I did not beat the shit out of the Ayis earlier for pissing me off. That is how PMS really works. It does not make sense, it just is. Wow, maybe this is really a Public Service Announcement.

Big Daddy flew out this morning to Shenzhen, but he went to the wrong city. He was supposed to go to the one next door that starts with a G and ends with a zhou. So everyone is in a tizzy on how to get him where he is supposed to be. (I would have just kicked someone) Well, BD refused to take the bus and the supplier figured it all out. They found a driver and the dude would meet him at the airport with a sign with his picture on it. Huh, where the fuck would they have gotten this picture?

Skype. They took his picture off Skype. No one in the entire world except me and Punkin Head could identify that picture. But there it was for BD to look for and find his way to the bowels of hell.

Too many J's

2011-11-08T08:42:00.001-05:00

Just fucked up.

Michael Jackson's lawyer is guilty of manslaughter, well you could kinda figure this one out. You don't put people out, aka, for surgery type shit, in their bedroom. For big money I guess some people would. But come on, for minimum wage couldn't you have hired a nurses aide to holler at you when he quit breathing? Just cheap.

Joe Frazier died. Just sad. A legend, smokin Joe.

Joe Paterno is in some deep shit. You know this shit started when he was rumored to be pushing his son for his spot. Why did not someone step in and say, Joe, if your son is that good he will get his time in the sun. Just stupid.

Just throw shit until it sticks, Herman Cain. Who knows what really happened? But if it takes finding a pretty blond to go on TV and say he put his hand up her dress, well how hard is that.

Cain just seems to be the next in a long line of not gonna make it Republicans. Michelle, I am just an idiot. Perry, I just can't act like a normal person. Romney, I am just a person who wants to be the President really, really bad. Newt, just can't go there. Ron Paul, just can't get any respect.

Just so we are straight, the smartest thing Obama ever did was make Hillary his Sec of State, not that she is great at that, just because she can't run against him now.

Eight years of Hillary would be better than four years of Obama, just sayin.

One of the best birthdays ever.

2011-11-07T01:53:00.000-05:00

Silk Scarf , map of Shanghai

I made Big Daddy soup on Friday so he was Mr. Happy all weekend. That man loves his soup.

I will start with the most exciting and finish with the WTF.

Punkin Head called and wished me a happy day. That boy makes me happy. Last year he sent a card but we never gave him the new address when we moved.

Big Daddy gave me a beautiful hand made shawl with 999 roses sewn on, this signifies everlasting and enduring love and devotion. The color of the roses means his only love forever. So if I die he cannot give it to wife number 2. And because it was my birthday and we have spent a bunch of money there the shawl store gave me a silk scarf with a map of Shanghai on it.

Amay gave me a beautiful silk scarf in my favorite colors, purple and green.

After a nice walk I got a taxi and surprised BD by going to Kapps for dinner. He loves that place and we both had excellent steaks. First steaks since we have been back in China.

Sunday we went for a walk and ended up grabbing a taxi to the Italian restaurant on Maoming. BD has wanted to go there for awhile and have pizza. Their pizza is just like the ones he had in Torino, and last night the special was truffle pizza. He was over the moon.

When I got my hair done Saturday Anna gave me a free deep conditioner for my birthday. It is the one where they wrap up your head and put under a bonnet that ties you down and then a bunch of steam comes off your head for 20 minutes. Gotta say my hair looked great.

Oh yes, others remembered my special day too, Sephora sent me an email with a free gift (did not open the email yet) Delta Airlines sent me a Birthday Greeting and a discount code just in case I want to spend a bunch of money with them before December 31, and my old radio station in Detroit emailed me a have a happy day. Wow.

Seriously, I had a great weekend, drama free. Except for one little thing. We stopped at the video store and no they do not have The Help movie. They tried to show BD the new movies and he told them is not buying anything until they get The Help. They were sad, we do spend some kwai with them. Then we were walking past Mr. Woody's and what do see, a poster for The Help. Mr. Woody does not have the movie The Help, he has the poster. Yes, yes, we have the poster now. WTF. BD went on the Internet looking for movie here in Shanghai, they sent him to my blog.

Just a taste of the Good Wishes I received

2011-11-06T01:31:00.000-05:00

Email sent from the crew at the Ning Hai Howard Johnson.

Gotta love your fans.

I am 50% on Birthday presents

2011-11-04T00:07:00.000-04:00

Hand carved plaque I bought in Qiantong, fish and flowers, I am water in Feng Shui talk and need wood in my surroundings. Seemed a perfect match to me.

Birthdays are very emotional for me, we don't need to get into that hot mess, but they seem to go really well or really badly. My countdown started early this year as my birthday is the 5th.

First gift received this week was a lovely bottle of wine from the Howard Johnson in Ning Hai. Of course they did hedge a bit and said it was also to make up for the fact that they woke Big Daddy up at 2AM and tried to get him to change rooms. So, the wine is 50% mine. My second gift was refused. Not by me, but as I received 1 of 2 still at 50% but now the math is getting harder and I have never been good at math.

Big Daddy has been telling his supplier he is very sad for over a week. This is because it is the only way to communicate to them that they are the worst piece of shit ever. He then draws tears on his face and refuses to go to dinner with them. Entertaining really escalates when the job is in the squat toilet.

When Big Daddy left Ning Hai yesterday the supplier tried to give him a bottle of wine for my birthday. Unfortunately the wine was accompanied by hand rolled cigars for BD. So yep, he turned them down. I told him I admired his integrity and they probably gave the loot to the Frenchy. Frenchy called today and said that he had heard how sad BD was and whatever he did worked because the tool shop was busting ass.

Funny of the day: At the train station BD heard someone calling his name. He said it was a little Chinese lady, very young. She told him she worked at the Howard Johnson and was very excited that she could tell everyone at work that she had seen him at the train station. I guess we are popular.

We are all good now

2011-11-02T00:50:00.000-04:00

I fixed the "Did It Work" post and you can now click on the link and go right to the album and the captions show up. I fear in the future some will grumble "I wish she never figured that Picasa out". Don't worry, it was dumb luck and I doubt I will be inundating the Internet with enough photos to choke anyone. That is not a bad way to post photos, I think when I started using Picasa the Internet was on the fritz here and I could not stay connected long enough to stay interested. Thank you Badger for the reminders.

I found out some curious information today regarding my quest for the movie, The Help. Big Daddy found some magazine and brought it home from Ning Hai. The magazine had an article on how often you should clean your nose. I have a weak stomach and cannot discuss the nose cleaning nor BD's fascination with the Chinese ability to perform miracle mucus discharge and phlegm feats, however I found an article on new shit happening in Shanghai and there it was, a description of the movie, The Help. This is when I checked the date of the magazine and discovered it was 2 months old. I also discovered we missed the stage play "Kiss Me Kate". I am thinking that might have been a Chinese sanctioned movie and actually sold here at retail, which would explain why no pirates have it. Bad news, we don't know of any retail DVD establishments in Shanghai. I might have to order this one from Amazon. And find a current magazine, I have never seen this one before.

As the fall brings a new crop of expats, we have at least one here at the Hotel, BD called for flowers Monday and when he went down to the lobby there was a laowai trying to steal our flowers. Offering huge sums of money for our Bird of Paradise flowers. The flower lady held firm to her refusal and Bd was the good guy and told him the arrangement on how to get flowers. I swear, there are days that the flowers are the only thing that make my life a happy one.

Did it work, NO, it seems I mucked it up pretty badly.

2011-11-01T06:48:00.000-04:00

I think I need help here. If you click on the pictures it seems you can do the slide show. This is not what I wanted. Sorry. Guess Picasa and I are not real friendly at this moment.

Just click on one of the pics.

Did it work?

2011-11-01T06:37:00.006-04:00

Not sure about this, think this is a test blog.

Does anyone see pictures?

https://picasaweb.google.com/102634027060747838635/Qiantong

Qiantong Ancient City

2011-10-31T00:08:00.000-04:00

This is a typical passageway throughout the town.

This trip was great, it was only about 15 minutes from the hotel by car. It appears that Ning Hai is in a valley surrounded by some large mountains. Reminds me of the foothills of the Smoky Mountains. The city was founded near the end of the Song Dynasty by the Tong family and over 760 years later the Tongs still live there. The city was laid out so every household had front door access to water from the Baiyi River. This is also the area where the Song Dynasty launched their navy. Enough history.

I did find it amazing that people are still living there in much the same way for over 760 years. They are still still using the water stream to wash their food, prepare meals and wash their clothes on the rocks. These people have to have very strong constitutions as this water is from a Chinese river. I don't think you can boil every germ away. I have no information on their sewage system.

This guy was preparing a duck for dinner while chatting with his friends. Those are the steps to his door.

I actually have quite a few good pictures so I am trying to put together a Picasa album. I am not good at that kind of stuff. Until I figure that out I will post a picture here and there. The mountain pictures did not come out very well, it was too foggy.

In the if it can happen-it will column, Big Daddy had a job interview with a Mexican company Wednesday night that went from 10:30 until midnight. The call was on a toll free number set up by the company. So the hotel charged us 560 kwai for the toll free call. The taxi driver on the ride back to our apartment was crappy so I was a bit on edge all the way back. We entered the complex from the back and this guard sent us into the underground garage before I knew what was happening. Now the taxi dude is asking me which way to go and I am telling him, "How the fuck should I know," and of course telling him to ask for directions. What a knucklehead.

Funny of the day: Amay saw the picture of the silk worms for dinner and ever she said Yuck. And her mother serves spicy dog meat.

Funny of the Day

2011-10-28T22:07:00.000-04:00

As I have mentioned, some days I cannot force myself to go to breakfast. On those days Big Daddy brings something back to the room. This morning as BD was sauntering back to the elevator he was distracted by the guy screaming on his cell phone with noodles hanging from his chin. The little elevator clerk (her job is to punch the up/down button) was running after BD and calling, "Mr. David, Mr. David." That is not BD's name, that is what she has always called him. "You forgot Missy" she told him. BD was looking around for me I guess, when the clerk told him, "Missy is hungry." He had forgotten to get me any food.

It pays to be popular. And Missy is not my name, she called me by my real name. I guess it is better than the other hotel that called him Mr. Damn-it.

Hate to be an I Told You So

2011-10-28T03:04:00.000-04:00

Big Daddy's boss went back to work with the soft cast and got bumped. Will wonders never cease.

Toyota Sienna was ranked as crap in one of the latest surveys I read, Toyota good-Sienna bad.

French whore-dog's girlfriend is being picked up at 4 PM.

Shocking news

2011-10-27T23:37:00.000-04:00

This may shock some of my readers, okay one of you 2, but I do not like change, adventure, or groups of people.

Well the French ass-hat casually informed Big Daddy that he is no longer working weekends as the company from hell will no longer pay him for overtime. We, thanks to this arrogant cretin, are stuck in Ning Hai as there is no way out at the last minute.

I decided that instead of pouting I would plan a little trip. I was sober and drug free when I did this. Saturday afternoon we are being driven by someone, perhaps the hotel driver or his cousin, that does not speak any English, to Qiantong Ancient Town. It is very old and good to take pictures, per the hotel manager. It will cost 500 kwai for the ride. When we arrive we will buy tickets and go on a walking tour. We have to pay for the drivers ticket, 3 tickets for 40 kwai each. The driver will show us the good stuff.

The manager also told me that everyone is the hotel really likes me and I am very popular. Now this scares the piss out of me. I have never been popular with the mainstream.

We have started a new trend, when we finish books here we leave them with the staff. I told Daisy I had another book for her this morning and she mis-understood, she thought I wanted the old books back. Well, as it turns out the entire staff reads the books, passing them about and enjoying being able to read in English. The guys are reading chick lit. Most of the better books find a home in Shanghai. Well, that is gonna change, the guy who picked us up also reads so more books and the DVD's we have watched are now going to Ning Hai. Once in a great while you do get to see how you may have touched another person's life.

Off to Amazon for more books, biggest extravagance here.

A Change of Seasons

2011-10-27T04:03:00.000-04:00

I love it when the seasons change. The air has a crisp feel, there are bonfires dotting the landscape. People wear cozy sweaters and scarves. And when it hits the 60's here in China, the furs come out. Fur everywhere including boots.

At home it would cider and pumpkin everything. Here in China we also have seasonal foods.

And you thought these little buggers were only good for making silk.

And ta-da the long awaited Spicy Dog Meat.

All these delectable delights with background music, the Chinese version of Karma Chameleon.

Short Update

2011-10-24T23:59:00.000-04:00

Big Daddy's boss was told not to return to work for 7 days, he is in a soft cast and any jostle could cause the probably sewn up right tendons to be broken again. Gotta wonder if he will go for the time off or chance no use of his hand in the future. He is an odd duck, so who knows.

Going back to Ning Hai tomorrow to finish the job with the Frenchy. 2 co-horts are also going and BD has informed everyone he is not their teacher, coach, manager, mentor, trainer or ass wiper. This should be fun.

BD had a huge interview last night and has noted that now that he has the global creds everyone asks the same questions. How do you find it working with the French/Germans? And they both think the other is the hard to deal with personality.

I remember when I worked with them they had one thing in common: denial. Once the Germans had the worst quality record in the world and no one could understand as they only had 1 problem. When I investigated they had responded, in writing for 18 months, that they had no problem. The French just answered once, verbally, that they had no seen no problems and ignored the situation. They did not seem to admire each other, but they both really disliked us, the ugly Americans. Especially when we fixed the problems, go figure.

Off to pack and attempt pretty, or at least semi-superstar status, I have a rep to maintain.

Things I learned in China this week

2011-10-22T23:39:00.000-04:00

Where to begin? Astounding or automobiles? Astounding wins.

The cost of emergency tendon surgery (right hand/wrist area) and 2 day stay in the hospital in Ning Bo is 4500 RMB, this included his meds to take home. Around 600 USD. Don't get excited, it was Big Daddy's boss. The reasons they can keep the cost so low is so simple. Number 1, they only use local anesthetics. This is the second time we have heard of this. The first was a friend with kidney surgery. Number 2, they have no food or water available for anyone. This was confirmed by all the patients in their personal pajamas and casts walking out to the street to buy the food and water. You want personal attention, you hire someone to stay with you. This is the person that buys your food and water if you are not able to stumble to the street. Besides the meds the instructions were to eat pigeon soup and do not eat any oranges.

I scared another toddler. When we were all smashed into the elevator at the hospital all the Chinese peeps were laughing at the hysterical child. Child was pointing at me and shrieking. Our driver confirmed it was me that scared the little darling. It has got to be the light blond hair, a color never seen on the Chinese head no matter how much bleach they use. Although I did notice some people are giving up the orange tresses for bright grape.

Our train tickets were messed up (clerk kept making mistakes and reprinting and BD was so flummoxed he forgot to check the dates on the final tickets) and we had to seek alternate transportation home. One supplier in Ning Hai drove us to the hospital in Ning Bo where a different supplier drove all of us on to Shanghai. We drove over the longest bridge in the world, a fact disputed by Louisiana. It must have been low tide because the bay looked like mud flats to me. There were huge boats that looked abandoned in the mud. But it was really foggy there so who knows.

The China Daily had an article today on how clean and safe the taxis are and how inspection is rigorously enforced. The taxi to the train station lacked bolts in front passenger seat, I know this as I bumped back and forth the entire ride. The taxi to the other train station had no lock to secure the trunk lid. This was only a problem if the unsecured can of gasoline had fallen out. I did not know any of this until we reached the train station. Oh, and we could not get a foppia as the machine thingy did not work. I think I need a chat with the hotel on their taxi fellows.

The Toyota Sienna, our second ride, was a huge disappoint. The interior fits and finishes were pitiful, V-gaps, bad parting lines, trim to headliner gaps. At 110 kpm's the IP exhibited an annoying BSR, it seemed to come from the center stack. At 140 kpm the shimmy from drive train made it feel as if we were going to launch sideways at any moment. Also minimal storage, I swear the Jeep Commander had more room.

By the way, still cannot get the movie, The Help. We got SJP's new movie, "Don't Know How She Does It" (should have been a Lifetime Channel movie of the week) Hangover part 2, Midnight in Paris, and Horrible Bosses. Need to go back to see Mr. Woody.

No Oktoberfest for us

2011-10-20T03:07:00.000-04:00

The price of this faux German extravagranza is a whopping 45 USD per person for who the fuck knows what type of phony German type shit. Our sponser is chest high in alligators and assholes and cannot fund this trip into the fantasy world and so I am voting no.

I do not like taking advantage of the supplier and Big Daddy never has abused his peeps. BD will go out with them if the situation is not much money and BD gets the supplier out of the dormitory and a decent meal.

I don't drink beer and BD does not drink. The tables are so damn skinny I cannot see a Stein of beer and a plate fitting in front of you. The staff is wearing black and white outfits that somewhat resemble lederhosen from a George Lucas film in the 80's.

Nuh, nope, nada, this is not happening.

Now how to explain to the Chinese that the German festival is too expensive to the Americans. Have to think this one over a bit.

Tea Time

2011-10-19T04:42:00.000-04:00

Just a snack to hold us until dinner.

Chinese Wedding

2011-10-18T22:51:00.000-04:00

Check out the necklace.

Normally I would call costume on the necklace but after seeing the cars in the parking lot I am thinking real. These were some expensive ass cars.

The Brides ride

Couple of rides for the Peeps

Oh yea, this one costs a few bucks here,

And the winner is, the WTF car.

Big Daddy tells me the business owners all have great cars, guess so.

Octoberfest

2011-10-17T19:51:00.000-04:00

We are on our way to the train station this morning, bound for Ning Hai and German beer.

I will let you know how that works out.

Shanghai Surprise

2011-10-14T21:57:00.000-04:00

Another view of Lake St. Clair

The surprise is the trip went very well.

The last minute packing and organizing was no problem with my faux computer bag, aka Trader Joe's insulated zippered grocery bag. It was the cheapest option for carry-on luggage that I could handle and put in the overhead. It is hell being a short person.

Big Daddy told me of his fiasco checking in, so I just went to the curb side check-in and this big black woman tried to help me and told me that I could not check-in there. She gathered my bags and took me to Miss Nancy and got me all taken care of. And she told me George Clooney is a hunk in real life and a really nice person. The movie, Up In The Air, used DTW for filming. The Sky Club or whatever they call it these days was full to the gills, I have never seen so many people crammed into so little space. I was lucky to get a seat. And the flight attendants were fairly good, not great but not nasty.

We flew well into Russia and the terrain was fascinating, looked like frozen flat tundra with frozen flat rivers cracking into the ground. One thing I appreciate from all my travels is seeing places I never dreamed of being able to see. The Alps, Russia and Great Britain from the air, driving in Mexico and walking in Asia. It is daunting to think I have these memories and there are people in Detroit that have never seen a farm or a forest or a beach.

Of course baggage claim was the usual cluster fuck and this time led by the Europeans. I think they decided to take on the Chinese for rude and obnoxious behavior. However they do understand when you call them out for being an imbecile. They don't care, but they do know that you know. They also feel the pain of the odd baggage hitting their shins. I was blocked in by 2 Asians not allowing me to pull my bag to the cart and a big black man speaking English dove in to help me out. Contact sport finals, me no contact, them 3 shins and 4 feet.

Scary part, I actually feel that I am home. Home is where the heart is, Big Daddy is here.

Winding up the visit

2011-10-11T18:13:00.002-04:00

My view

Everyday for over 10 years this was part of my view back and forth to work. If you saw the movie Gran Torino the shot at the end with the drive past Lake St. Clair, that was my drive. I told myself every day, you better enjoy this because it is not forever. How right I was. That is a mom and her kids probably watching for freighters.

As you can see Punkin Head's camera works fine.

Went to the Dentist for cleaning and final check and I am good to go.

I sent in the paperwork to renew my Driver's License, I am blessed, renew by mail. Gotta love it. And it came while I was home.

I am pissed though, I have received 2 checks from medical facilities I have not used in some time. These are the people that hounded and threathened us when we both were unemployed about paying our bills in a timely manner and now they are mailing me checks with no explanation. I call rat fuckers on them.

Starting to pack tonight and plan the last round of chores for tomorrow.

Dropped off my prescriptions for Zpak and amocicillian? so I have emergency meds.

Off to do laundry.

The Tooth Fairy

2011-10-10T18:16:00.000-04:00

I have a brand new tooth. No more metal, no more space, and it is a regular size tooth. Which to me is quite amazing as I never had a regular size tooth in that spot. I was born without permanent teeth in two spots right across from each other. I still have a baby tooth on the left, but this right one abscessed and was pulled when I was about 19. After finding a decent dentist and getting everything repaired with new crowns, he suggested we fill the hole/space with a tooth.

So we put the tooth in this morning. It was not pleasant. Dr. Dentist told me no one else has ever had pain. Then when he showed me the tooth implanted he explained the blood was from the 4 slits in my gums so they could regrow around the implant. WTF. Ever bite your tongue or burn the roof of your mouth with pizza? It hurts a bit. Slicing my gums is bound to cause some pain and I am the only person ever to notice this?

Punkin Head found his old camera and charger so I am back in business as soon as I figure out how to use it. Went shopping and to lunch with The Lady and spent way to much money to look good in China. I found it shocking that everyone including Aldo is copying Toms shoes. Those shoes are quirky and support charity for kids with no shoes and people are buying the copies? They should be shot and sent to Africa with no shoes. Asshats.

Can't watch Chaz and Cher on Dancing With The Stars as Detroit is taking over the channel to broadcast the Lions on Monday Night Football. Feel kinda funny about this. Yes, they are undefeated, but it is early in the season and I am a long time Lions fan. Whenever the Lions get cocky they get their ass handed back to them. This could be embarrassing. I prefer the low key way Michigan just did the job and are also undefeated and back in the polls. Michigan v/s Michigan State would be the game to watch. I will be back in China.

Go Lions.

It starts again

2011-10-09T20:50:00.000-04:00

This is me a few years ago trying to decide just what I had gotten myself into.

Big Daddy got home to China just fine. Had to fight his way off the elevator as the majority of riders got on the down elevator when they wanted to go up, and did not want to let BD off. He did something with some one's computer bag and there was some climbing, but it all turned out just fine.

We still have an apartment and maybe a plant. The ayi's went crazy with decorating, you know how to style the ashtrays.

Funny of the day: Big Daddy had a taxi driver in ESL classes and the entire ride to the apartment he repeated the following: Good Morning, How are you doing, Good, Thank You, Knee How, (hee hee hee), Thank you. I asked BD how often did he repeat this, it was constant with the only respite occurring when he lighted a smoke. Heeheehee.

New scandal is the roads are now falling apart days after opening to traffic. Whew. Good that the smell is off the subway scandel and the trains falling off the tracks.

There is no picture

2011-10-06T08:56:00.000-04:00

That is because the camera is broken. This is the camera that was my Mother's Day present many moons ago. The one that I did not want, need, or ask for. Big Daddy loved it. He played with it for hours and days and weeks. The one time I actually needed a camera at work he pouted when I asked where I could find it.

BD had new glasses made on Monday and it only took 3 hours for progressive lens. And he bargained 100 bucks off the magic flexible frames. We ate at some great restaurants, saw the ocean, and walked for miles. We also did the tacky ghost tour and I must say the ghosts seemed to be on vacation.

Gotta give a rave to Hertz, the navigation system in the car was great. And returning to the airport you just program it to go home, hit the airport and no problems. Loved it. Delta upgraded us on both flights and life was good.

Gotta get ready for lunch. Later.

The oldest city in America

2011-10-03T20:09:00.000-04:00

View from lunch at OC Whites

I am sick, head cold. Something happened to my left ear on final descent into Jacksonville, so when I blow my nose my ear crackles and gurgles and whistles.

Big Daddy bought me a tube of Nose Better because my nose is raw. It feels like pouring alcohol on raw flesh when I put it on. The burning and running around in a circles fades in about 15 minutes.

Big Daddy's glasses fell apart in the only way that duct tape will not work. He is walking around with out- of-date prescription sunglasses. He looks like a middle aged drug dealer.

So the blind, deaf, and dumb are vacationing in sunny Florida.

Weakly Wrap-up

2011-10-01T01:26:00.000-04:00

Hello, I am weakly and I am wrapped up in anything I can find. It is BRR cold here in Michigan. You go from high 80's to low 40's in a week and yep, you think it is damn cold. Thank goodness we got one of the furnaces working and have the fireplaces. Sunday we go to Florida so I can't bitch too much.

The sign in the neighbors yard has a funky type cartoon animal with a stage name and it says welcome to the elementary school. Trying to get my arms around this one. In the 20 years I have lived here I have never seen such a thing. Did my tax dollars pay for this? If it is an advertising scheme to go to public school, why only print it on one side. Perhaps this is the last child left in this area going to elementary school. Everyone moved out that could. But then would not home schooling be cheaper for us. Or maybe use the senior citizens center? I might need to call the school on this one.

Being home is fun, an employee of the county received 200 grand for resigning and taking another position in the county, she is now running the airport. People are kinda upset. Her old boss said, WTF the last guy got a better deal to resign. If we move back I need to look into getting a job with the government.

Speaking of government work, I was saddened to hear about the crash of Line 10 subway service in Shanghai. Last I heard 500 injured. China Daily said it was near Yu An Gardens, a huge tourist site. Once again it looks like they shut down the safety's rather than fix the damn systems.

Thanks to Big Daddy for improvising on the grilled shrimp, too windy for outdoor cooking. They were fabulous. And thanks to Punkin Head for the Vouvray. And thanks to The Lady for the flowers and the Champagne vinegar. You guys are the best.

We made it home

2011-09-26T13:18:00.000-04:00

For some reason this trip felt more grueling than usual. We had to sit at the gate for an hour due to ATC, which was no fun. There was a new twist, when we boarded there was a pilot wandering around the plane chatting and helping. He was quite jolly and had a great sense of humor, which just made the flight attendants look more grumpy. Then before the safety spiel he made a speech in each cabin about how Delta appreciated all of us. And of course everyone clapped. Then the captain came on the PA and thanked us all for how quickly we boarded and let them get the door closed ahead of time. We were number 7 in line for takeoff and there we sat.

Big Daddy and I sat apart, we had aisle seats almost across from other. Chaz had the window seat in my row, I know this because he introduced himself upon sitting and never shut up until he left. He left because this Chinese girl came up and showed her ticket and he sent her across the plane and announced that everyone knew seat A was on the other side. That is when I got a chance to speak and told him that no he was indeed sitting in A, by then she was back and the flight attendant was smirking. I know this because I was standing in the aisle so everyone could relocate to their proper seats. Then the 2 Chinese girls asked me to get up again as they wanted to change seats with each other, which meant moving all their stuff around. Why do people bring so much stuff onto airplanes.

I am still batting 1000, my reading light did not work, the screen prompt turned on seat A, and the FA's did not care. It was hilarious though, the 2 Chinese girls kept trying to shut the light off as it was shining in their faces but I had the controls. I never told them, I just left it on.

My dental appointment was normal. The Dentist wanted an X-ray as I am very tender where the space re-gainer is. They updated all their systems last week and none of the X-ray machines could communicate with the system. So, no X-ray. Anyway, we got through the impressions and I should have a new tooth in 2 weeks. I am not going to miss this hunk of metal in my mouth.

The new neighbor across the street has a sign in the front yard. It is only printed on one side and that side is facing the house. WTF. It would be too obvious to go and look at it, but really what can it say?

You gotta be kidding me

2011-09-22T23:36:00.000-04:00

I am getting antsy about going home. This is normal for me, don't like to fly, don't like to sit next to wackos, don't like most flight attendants. The flight attendants wear too much perfume and re-apply it on a regular basis.

I am checking the airlines, checking for typhoons and hurricanes and then boom, new information. I have to check for a satellite falling out of the sky. WTF. The reporters are saying that NASA is not quite sure about a lot of this falling out of the sky information. But we should not be really concerned as no one has been injured or died from other shit falling from the sky. Huh?

The FAA is saying it might be a little problem for planes. I can just see the pilots taking turns looking out the front windows but there is no backlight on these planes. That is where the tail is.

Yea, yea, they are saying Friday afternoon EDT, which is when we will be sleeping in Shanghai. I do not want to have to have to deal with Shemp cleaning this mess up so I can catch a plane. Mercy Sakes.

Mr. Shiny heads dinner

2011-09-22T02:14:00.000-04:00

Oops almost forgot this one. For years Big Daddy has talked about pasta carbonara as something we should eat. Something about raw eggs and pasta just made me vomit when I thought about it. BD is a pasta whore and would eat it with nothing but pasta, well maybe some oil and basil. The other day Blackened Out had a recipe for this dish and it read pretty good. Nice picture, easy and rather fast to make and made sense on the eggs. My first tentative step was to inquire about the availability of safe eggs in China. Bingo they have them. Now I will be the first to admit they may be phony like some of the hairy crabs, and the stickers that say they are okay could be just as phony as the hairy crab "genuine stickers" that the newspaper warned us about, but what the hell. This turned out great. I mean really good. I can see this in rotation for quick meals. And with whole wheat pasta not a bad fiber source.

That is another thing that makes me laugh, talking about fiber and our diets. We never talk about the truth of the matter, you need something to push the shit out. Just how we need more fiber.

My next new love of the week is Dancing With The Stars. It is so hilarious I cannot stop talking about it. List of things that are just too funny:

Nancy Grace's hair, for goodness sakes, if ABC can't make it better, no one can. It is pitiful. Rogaine.

The Kardashiens, or however you spell their name, it is just wrong. Period.

George Clooney's ex, babe you need 10 pounds and Berlitz, at the least. Don't think Rosetta Stone is gonna fix that enunciation.

The army guy made me cry, Chaz has small feet, and Ricki Lake needs better underwear if she is going to show her hiney.

Good thing I am going home on Sunday and will have new things to occupy my mind.

Air Raid sirens

2011-09-20T01:20:00.000-04:00

We found out what this was all about. It was to remember when Japan invaded China and took over.

As much attention as the Chinese paid to the sirens it is no surprise Japan was so successful.

Big Daddy has a big head

2011-09-20T01:14:00.000-04:00

Big daddy has almost no hair on his head. This little ring of hair that is really quite light in color circles his head. He keeps it quite short so as not to call attention to his head, kinda opposite say Donald Trump or Donald King.

When BD's hair grows it looks bad, really bad. So he needs constant maintenance on his hair. It is worse than my blond hair. But BD will not pay fancy salon prices for his hair care. So he mostly gets crappy hair cuts here in China. Even when they shave him bald by mistake it is still crappy. They always miss a few hairs.

Last night it really cooled down here and we went for a walk before dinner. Lo and behold we went down Shaanxi and there were hair places open and working on hair-do type things. It was pitch black at 6 PM so no problem seeing into the shops. I dragged BD into a Chinese hair salon and got them to work before he knew what hit him. As you know we do not speak Chinese and as usual they do not speak English. It worked out quite well.

BD had a sit-in-the-chair shampoo that lasted almost 30 minutes. I do not think his showers take that long. I got bored and had a chair massage. There was lots of chatter and who knows what was said. There was a Shanghai whore boy trying for blond hair but he never got better than orange and light melon. BD also got the chair massage and then his precision cut.

Cost: about 52 U.S. dollars for 2 sit up massages, a shampoo that will keep that head shiny for weeks and a precision haircut, plus . . .Kerastase shampoo for men.

It was one of the best walks ever.

Tomorrow the dinner Mr. Shiny made when we got home.

More good news and bad news

2011-09-18T01:15:00.000-04:00

The good news:

So far Delta has not cancelled our flight home.

The rest is bad news.

One of the wicker type chairs on the balcony died last night. It has been wobbly. We put the broken chair in the stairway and moved the smaller chairs from the back balcony to the living room balcony. The one good chair I stuck next to the entry door just to get it out of way and then I noticed that this is a horrible spot for a chair. I have wanted a Chinese type chair in that spot forever. Not gonna work. Another dream dashed. So no chair by the door and only one chair on the back balcony.

We could buy another chair but . . . well when we found out they were not going to renew Big Daddy's contract (cause the Chinese have figured out all they need to know about engineering) BD has been looking for a new job. He has some decent prospects. This means you don't buy more shit that you can't ship home.

When he was falling off the chair last night he mentioned he might have an interview when we get home, in the state of Nebraska. I almost fell off my sturdy chair. All I know about Nebraska is that it is somewhere west of Iowa. I do not think they have airports in Nebraska. He said it is a really small town. There is a just a bit bigger town 20 minutes away. There is nothing to do there so he would probably travel all the time. Probably by bus. Or dog-sled, I am not sure. So instead of buying a chair I am saving for an all terrain vehicle.

On a different subject, the only time I am afraid in China is when I think of disasters. Yes, the hotel did tell me to take my laundry off the balcony when the typhoon was close, but that is not enough for me. So for the last 2 days there have been what sounds like air-raid sirens going off. When you look around no one seems to pay any attention. But again, these are not the most educated and aware people. This is creepy. And the U.S. Consulate contacts you by email and we all know how the Internet works here.

I have to get Big Daddy Outta here

2011-09-16T09:36:00.000-04:00

He is sending me pictures of airlines food. Airlines food is a cardboard box of bread, pickle relish in a foil container and if you are lucky some cherry tomatoes or some jello. Wow, this one had jello. I have never seen anyone eat the jello, including the Chinese people.

The Chinese asshole in the Passport lounge came and sat next to him and removed his shoes and socks and put his feet next to his computer and laughed. That is one person that should be very happy that mama was not on this trip, but ya know I don't think that ass-hat would have done that to me. I have this look that most people understand to mean, I will beat your ass and then I will hurt you. Of course, I have been preaching to BD that he has to be nice, be nice, do not get into with these ignorant m . . .

This is after he had to get the train tramp, aka Ms. Dolly to make someone get out of his sleeper car seat earlier this week. I cannot describe the nasty things he told me about that trip.

He got the really shitty taxi driver in Shenzhen again, the one that charged 100 RMB for a 12 Rmb ride and refused to give a receipt. He sent me the pictures of the taxi driver, the license plate, the license of the taxi driver and the taxi. He did not send me the picture of the hotel staff trying to get rid of the taxi driver when BD would not pay the inflated bill. He turned one taxi driver in a year ago and he is still on the PRC GPS list. He turned off his iPhone GPS. Shitty taxi driver ran screaming into the night when he saw his picture on the iPhone.

BD was pissed when Daisy Mae, I kid you not, shoved him off onto Susie Q for his meetings, I swear I cannot make this shit up. But he did get the heated Bidet at the fancy Chinese hotel, he just does not have Bidet items to need a heated wash.

It did not help that before he left town we had to have Shemp day. If you do not remember when the bottom guts of our kitchen sink fell out at the other apartment, well it was happening here again. I do not understand why these people adore fixing shit rather than . . . Oh yes, it is because you have to employ a lot of people. So Shemp came to fix the sink pipes and replace all the light bulbs. The ceiling light in the Master bedroom was so dim that we had to light candles to find the bed. BD could not figure out how to get it down to clean it and replace the light bulbs.

Learned a new Chinese word : (as a white person would pronounce it) OH NOCKA CHEEKA, this is said and repeated while making a pyramid with your hands.

I don't have a clue but Shemp brought a real aluminum ladder and pulled the light fixture sideways off the ceiling and replaced the light bulbs. Cleaning is not optional on this one.

Oh yea, it is time for a break from crazy land.