ok, so some of you know I have IBS. Struck me Saturday morning on the way to the airport, very uncomfortable and painful. I am in the taxi praying that this does not become an emergency or embarrassing situation when I am distracted. There is something on the curb. Something odd. Wait, I think it is a dog, a big dog. No. It is a person. A human being. A very dirty human being taking a crap off the side of the curb onto the road. And by the looks of it-it is the spot that is used for this purpose. I am appalled and surprised and no longer that concerned about having to take a crap on the side of the road. Then I tell Punkin Head about this new thing I have witnessed and he tells me he saw it all the time in Philly and NY. WTF.
cooler now buy raining. low 90's and humid.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Walking In Hong Kong
Well not really, we walked to the train. We got on the train. We chatted like 2 people in a popular romantic movie. Then we noticed we were in a tunnel. This was shocking as in all our walking to Hong Kong travels we had never seen a tunnel. Hmmm. Then we were at the train station. Hmmm. OKay, we got on the wrong train and it was a bit of a fright. Added 30 minutes to our walk to Hong Kong for the Visa stamp. And Big Daddy was not happy. Nuh huh.
Last night we had dinner at the Shangri-La sports bar with a friend. The Shangri-La sports bar is like any other sports bar. The sport is in getting the food and drink. And the restrooms are pictures of your gender doing sport. And the inside stall doors are of the men doing sport if you are a female. (Did not get to peak in the men's)
Then we went to the Lowu Market, ok so maybe it is not spelled quite right.
Got some questionable deals on some questionable items. The new scam here is well dressed people walking around with a baby jabbing at their mouths. I thought they wanted a smoke. No, they are begging for money. Disgusting.
Big Daddy bought a questionable Iphone. Back at the hotel Big Daddy and the bartender worked for quite some time to get the back open. Hmmm.
Rather be walkin in Memphis right now, Beale street--oh yea--better yet Rue de Royal and a steak at the Rib Room.
Elvis, where are ya bro? Meet me at the Touche and tell Miss Donna to set us up.
Last night we had dinner at the Shangri-La sports bar with a friend. The Shangri-La sports bar is like any other sports bar. The sport is in getting the food and drink. And the restrooms are pictures of your gender doing sport. And the inside stall doors are of the men doing sport if you are a female. (Did not get to peak in the men's)
Then we went to the Lowu Market, ok so maybe it is not spelled quite right.
Got some questionable deals on some questionable items. The new scam here is well dressed people walking around with a baby jabbing at their mouths. I thought they wanted a smoke. No, they are begging for money. Disgusting.
Big Daddy bought a questionable Iphone. Back at the hotel Big Daddy and the bartender worked for quite some time to get the back open. Hmmm.
Rather be walkin in Memphis right now, Beale street--oh yea--better yet Rue de Royal and a steak at the Rib Room.
Elvis, where are ya bro? Meet me at the Touche and tell Miss Donna to set us up.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Beseech me
Every once in a while Big Daddy makes me pee my pants. Here he was one day telling me how his suppliers are beseeching him for more time. I am listening to this thinking "what the hell has happened to Big Daddy?" As the story goes the Chinese have no balls, sorry Sarah call it like it is, and when you confront them they hide. (the people not the balls) So Big Daddy is on a mission to teach the Chinese to get balls. This is his result, they beseech. This was not one person begging for beseeching, it was 2 different people sending beseeching messages, as in "I beseech you." WTF. I can just picture myself going to the 9:oo at Ford and saying, "I beseech you to be kind." Oh yea, that would get the job done.
Flight to Shenzhen yesterday again took 5 hours, 2 to fly and 3 to sit at the gate. Famous ATF announcement: Jabba Jabba ATF. Then you wait to see if the drinks cart comes, and then the deadly food cart comes. Thank God we did not have to circle before landing. The clouds were huge and black and lightning. It is scary flying here but not as scary as the taxi drivers.
Taxi driver from the airport sucked, would not get his fat ass out of the taxi to help put the luggage in his raggedy ass taxi. I sit in the front and he keeps telling me to shut the door while Big Daddy is still putting the bags in the trunk. HUH UH, had an asshole try to take off and leave Big Daddy once already. Door stays open til all are aboard. Then he talks on his cell phone with the microphone so we can hear both sides of the conversation and laughs constantly. Did not sound like business to me. Then at the last minute at the hotel he jumps out to help with the last bag and looks at us as if he waiting for his tip. Don't make me hurt you dude.
Mr. Green recognized me the minute I walked into the lounge and soon had Big Daddy and me set up with dinner and drinks. Even remembered Big Daddy likes lemon in his Tonee Water, thats tonic water for you yanks.
Oh great, CNN International is saying the Kim dude from North Korea is here for an unknown reason to visit. And he is afraid to fly. Could it be the military plane found crashed in north China this week? Anything to do with the Henan plane crash this week? The dreaded military ship training or perhaps he did not want to see Jimmy Carter?
Tomorrow walking to Hong Kong.
Flight to Shenzhen yesterday again took 5 hours, 2 to fly and 3 to sit at the gate. Famous ATF announcement: Jabba Jabba ATF. Then you wait to see if the drinks cart comes, and then the deadly food cart comes. Thank God we did not have to circle before landing. The clouds were huge and black and lightning. It is scary flying here but not as scary as the taxi drivers.
Taxi driver from the airport sucked, would not get his fat ass out of the taxi to help put the luggage in his raggedy ass taxi. I sit in the front and he keeps telling me to shut the door while Big Daddy is still putting the bags in the trunk. HUH UH, had an asshole try to take off and leave Big Daddy once already. Door stays open til all are aboard. Then he talks on his cell phone with the microphone so we can hear both sides of the conversation and laughs constantly. Did not sound like business to me. Then at the last minute at the hotel he jumps out to help with the last bag and looks at us as if he waiting for his tip. Don't make me hurt you dude.
Mr. Green recognized me the minute I walked into the lounge and soon had Big Daddy and me set up with dinner and drinks. Even remembered Big Daddy likes lemon in his Tonee Water, thats tonic water for you yanks.
Oh great, CNN International is saying the Kim dude from North Korea is here for an unknown reason to visit. And he is afraid to fly. Could it be the military plane found crashed in north China this week? Anything to do with the Henan plane crash this week? The dreaded military ship training or perhaps he did not want to see Jimmy Carter?
Tomorrow walking to Hong Kong.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Breaking News: Shanghai
Small Plates:
According to the China Daily you cannot eat penis(es) if you are under 16 or maybe 17, article is hard to follow while you are laughing so hard you are crying and clutching your stomach. This includes every penis from Donkey to Chicken penis. I will pay to see a chicken penis served in any form. Maybe a new book is in order, Who Stole My Penis.
Small Books:
Yesterday I told Big Daddy we were shopping for Bibelots. He inquired as to what they might be. I told him I thought they were cute little pieces of shit to sit around and collect dust. Today Punkin Head told us the history of Bibelots, small books in French that over time came to mean other shit that collects dust. We got ourselves a Bibelot. It is a votive candle holder made of shells.
Small bad fruit:
The have been selling these cactus looking things on the street. Small, round, green on top with a kinda cone shaped body. The top had these convex things that look pretty strange. Finally bought one from a vendor in front of the hotel and took it to the Bell Bar to ask Amay, what the fuck is this?
She said it was very sad. It was lotus fruit. Very sad lotus fruit. Very expensive sad lotus fruit. Dried up. Punkin Head if you dry it you can use it like popcorn. This from the web. Popcorn that would cost a fortune.
Large things:
Which brings us back to donkey penis(es). No I am kidding. I have found the best water in the world. Laurentana from Italy. Comes in big glass bottles. It is heaven. It is also all expired on the date code. When all you can drink is bottled water you become quite an expert on the taste of water. Tried some water recommended in the book "The Man Who Ate Everything" by Jeffery Steingarten. Tried Volvic, nuhuh. This Laurentana that is expired is the best. Negotiating for more expired water as the current supply is expired anyway. And this stuff is not cheap.
Large cabinet:
Big Daddy went and bought the cabinet I picked out for storage. It is beautiful. Now he is mad that all the space is used up already. Did he not notice this shit sitting all over the apartment, including the floor. That's a man for ya. However as my hero he got 2400 yuan off the price.
So things this weekend are not that bad. The apartment is filled with flowers including a "present bouquet" from the flower seller. We found a wonderful amber scented "bottle with sticks" as seen on Oprah for a song. I am happier than I have been for a long time. This place is a bitch to live in. Have to walk to Hong Kong this week. Hate that.
Big Daddy wants Pizza for dinnner after reading Catherine Coulter's "Whiplash", we will see how that works out. Pizza is a first-no penis(es) for toppings-will stick with pepperoni.
Little Automotive News:
Back in the old days we used to pray for someone to screw up the launch before we did. A little bird tells me the latest Nissan launch may answer someone's prayers. I hate to say it because it is so cliched, but also so true, you get what you pay for.
According to the China Daily you cannot eat penis(es) if you are under 16 or maybe 17, article is hard to follow while you are laughing so hard you are crying and clutching your stomach. This includes every penis from Donkey to Chicken penis. I will pay to see a chicken penis served in any form. Maybe a new book is in order, Who Stole My Penis.
Small Books:
Yesterday I told Big Daddy we were shopping for Bibelots. He inquired as to what they might be. I told him I thought they were cute little pieces of shit to sit around and collect dust. Today Punkin Head told us the history of Bibelots, small books in French that over time came to mean other shit that collects dust. We got ourselves a Bibelot. It is a votive candle holder made of shells.
Small bad fruit:
The have been selling these cactus looking things on the street. Small, round, green on top with a kinda cone shaped body. The top had these convex things that look pretty strange. Finally bought one from a vendor in front of the hotel and took it to the Bell Bar to ask Amay, what the fuck is this?
She said it was very sad. It was lotus fruit. Very sad lotus fruit. Very expensive sad lotus fruit. Dried up. Punkin Head if you dry it you can use it like popcorn. This from the web. Popcorn that would cost a fortune.
Large things:
Which brings us back to donkey penis(es). No I am kidding. I have found the best water in the world. Laurentana from Italy. Comes in big glass bottles. It is heaven. It is also all expired on the date code. When all you can drink is bottled water you become quite an expert on the taste of water. Tried some water recommended in the book "The Man Who Ate Everything" by Jeffery Steingarten. Tried Volvic, nuhuh. This Laurentana that is expired is the best. Negotiating for more expired water as the current supply is expired anyway. And this stuff is not cheap.
Large cabinet:
Big Daddy went and bought the cabinet I picked out for storage. It is beautiful. Now he is mad that all the space is used up already. Did he not notice this shit sitting all over the apartment, including the floor. That's a man for ya. However as my hero he got 2400 yuan off the price.
So things this weekend are not that bad. The apartment is filled with flowers including a "present bouquet" from the flower seller. We found a wonderful amber scented "bottle with sticks" as seen on Oprah for a song. I am happier than I have been for a long time. This place is a bitch to live in. Have to walk to Hong Kong this week. Hate that.
Big Daddy wants Pizza for dinnner after reading Catherine Coulter's "Whiplash", we will see how that works out. Pizza is a first-no penis(es) for toppings-will stick with pepperoni.
Little Automotive News:
Back in the old days we used to pray for someone to screw up the launch before we did. A little bird tells me the latest Nissan launch may answer someone's prayers. I hate to say it because it is so cliched, but also so true, you get what you pay for.
Monday, August 16, 2010
No Face Book
Well, looks like China is done mourning and there is still no Facebook. Hmm. When I am done here I will run a scan and if that does not work may have to leave China to see if Facebook works anywhere in the world. Weekends are the hardest for some reason to stay in touch. Everyone has their schedule and times for exchanges are different. Thank God for Skype.
Hot again, Ayis came and for some reason when they left there was a wierd smell in the kitchen. Weird or wierd, gotta find a dictionary in this place.
Big Daddy cooked last night, pork chops and salad and really not bad. The brussel sprouts sucked but really I have never seen such small sprouts. And it is hard to tell here what is in season. For some reason summer is not the season for cherry tomato or really any tomato. Maybe too hot.
Went shopping for some home items yesterday. Clerks here could either not care less if you bought something or chase you down to buy shit no one would want. Went and looked one more time at these green glass decorative items, vases and candles and such. I thought Big Daddy was screwing with me me when he said how much they wanted. For ok stuff like you would find at Pier One these fucks think they are at Neiman Marcus. I asked them what the metal content was and they did not have a clue. India. Silver. No no. WTF.
ok, gonna clean the kitchen since the ayis made it dirty by cleaning, finish the wash and run web root and scan, then I will start downloading the roof pictures so I can tell that story. And what a story.
Hot again, Ayis came and for some reason when they left there was a wierd smell in the kitchen. Weird or wierd, gotta find a dictionary in this place.
Big Daddy cooked last night, pork chops and salad and really not bad. The brussel sprouts sucked but really I have never seen such small sprouts. And it is hard to tell here what is in season. For some reason summer is not the season for cherry tomato or really any tomato. Maybe too hot.
Went shopping for some home items yesterday. Clerks here could either not care less if you bought something or chase you down to buy shit no one would want. Went and looked one more time at these green glass decorative items, vases and candles and such. I thought Big Daddy was screwing with me me when he said how much they wanted. For ok stuff like you would find at Pier One these fucks think they are at Neiman Marcus. I asked them what the metal content was and they did not have a clue. India. Silver. No no. WTF.
ok, gonna clean the kitchen since the ayis made it dirty by cleaning, finish the wash and run web root and scan, then I will start downloading the roof pictures so I can tell that story. And what a story.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
I'm Back
Had to get a new VPN in order to post. Only discovered this when the Internet actually stayed on for one full hour.
The Internet and the cable tv are in a race to see which can go silent more often and for the longest period of time. I learned this only after the day of the meltdown better known as getting the broken tv replaced.
Keep in mind I live in a serviced apartment in a hotel complex.
Started out as every problem does, Big Daddy went out of town. TV in the living room went out. No big deal until I noticed the other tv was on. Called the reception. They sent the Shemp. He fixed it and left. The tv went out again. Repeat the procedure. This went on all night and the next day. Then they quit answering the phone. Then the water in the water bottle unit went out. Only room temp water. Then the kitchen drawer that always breaks, broke.
Big Daddy got home and roared as my voice was now raspy from yelling and crying. The Shemps brought a new tv. It was filthy, must have been stored on the banks of the Yellow River since there was yellow mud on it. The new tv did get a picture so the Shemps left. However, there was no sound.
This is when I had the meltdown. Over 24 hours, 24 Shemps, and 2 tv sets and all I had to show for it was cold water. One of the Shemps brought a water unit. This was before I locked all the Shemps in the kitchen and would not let them leave until they got someone to answer the telephone and talk to me. The Shemps thought it was hilarious. No, they do not speak English. Humor is just universal or my pantomine skills have drastically improved.
Big Daddy had a little confrontation at Marks & Spencer Saturday and 2 "western ladies" were laughing at him. He asked them if they thought that was funny. They told him it is hilarious when it happens to someone else. I guess the gut busting trigger was when Big Daddy asked the clerk to find someone who speaks English and she said, I do.
Chinese Chiclets:
It is hotter than Hades here (the China Daily is accusing the weather people of lying about the temp so the workers do not have to be paid the heat bonus) and the ladies of Shanghai are still wearing nylon stockings. Really bad nylon stockings. No one in the world is wearing nylon stockings in any month of the year but in Shanghai in August these babes are donning nylons with sandles. WTF.
The most inexpensive pedicures in the world can be found in Shanghai in very clean salons. The babes do not get their toes done and still were the open toe shoes, sandles and flip-flops. Gross.
I have been held hostage in taxis 2 times this week, lost 3 times by drivers who have no clue where the streets are. This week tho I was not thrown out of any taxis when they gave up looking. I got out when we hit a traffic light near some places I recognized. Paid close to 80 yuan for their mistakes. Average taxi ride is 12 yuan.
The Ritz Carleton Portman Center is called the Port-a-mon in taxi speak. Hotel Port-a-mon is also acceptable.
When a taxi driver is being hospitable he will turn his ac on high and reach over so the vent is blowing right in your face. All the ac units are moldy for wonderfully pungent smelling experiences. This is why you always carry more tissues than you need. Peeing tissues and sneezing tissues.
New restaurant Las Tapas on Maoming Lu is fabulous. Went twice and great both times. The French restaurant in the Taikang Lu rabbit warren is now Casa 13 (mediterrean)((still can't find spell check function or a dictionary)) cuisine. Pretty good and a great rib eye that tasted of a real wood grilling. The New York Steakhouse is now on the will never go back list. Indifferent service, always out of water/wine you want and frankly they got pissy with Big Daddy about seating. I feel when you spend a fair amount of money fairly often-weekly- they should at least know your name when they tell you to bugger off. Especially since what we requested is exactly what we have had since October of last year. Tipping in China does not guarantee service.
If this Internet keeps going I will post the story of roof next. I have pictures if I can figure out how to post them. Cannot work on learning the
changes to Blogger if the internet does not work.
The Internet and the cable tv are in a race to see which can go silent more often and for the longest period of time. I learned this only after the day of the meltdown better known as getting the broken tv replaced.
Keep in mind I live in a serviced apartment in a hotel complex.
Started out as every problem does, Big Daddy went out of town. TV in the living room went out. No big deal until I noticed the other tv was on. Called the reception. They sent the Shemp. He fixed it and left. The tv went out again. Repeat the procedure. This went on all night and the next day. Then they quit answering the phone. Then the water in the water bottle unit went out. Only room temp water. Then the kitchen drawer that always breaks, broke.
Big Daddy got home and roared as my voice was now raspy from yelling and crying. The Shemps brought a new tv. It was filthy, must have been stored on the banks of the Yellow River since there was yellow mud on it. The new tv did get a picture so the Shemps left. However, there was no sound.
This is when I had the meltdown. Over 24 hours, 24 Shemps, and 2 tv sets and all I had to show for it was cold water. One of the Shemps brought a water unit. This was before I locked all the Shemps in the kitchen and would not let them leave until they got someone to answer the telephone and talk to me. The Shemps thought it was hilarious. No, they do not speak English. Humor is just universal or my pantomine skills have drastically improved.
Big Daddy had a little confrontation at Marks & Spencer Saturday and 2 "western ladies" were laughing at him. He asked them if they thought that was funny. They told him it is hilarious when it happens to someone else. I guess the gut busting trigger was when Big Daddy asked the clerk to find someone who speaks English and she said, I do.
Chinese Chiclets:
It is hotter than Hades here (the China Daily is accusing the weather people of lying about the temp so the workers do not have to be paid the heat bonus) and the ladies of Shanghai are still wearing nylon stockings. Really bad nylon stockings. No one in the world is wearing nylon stockings in any month of the year but in Shanghai in August these babes are donning nylons with sandles. WTF.
The most inexpensive pedicures in the world can be found in Shanghai in very clean salons. The babes do not get their toes done and still were the open toe shoes, sandles and flip-flops. Gross.
I have been held hostage in taxis 2 times this week, lost 3 times by drivers who have no clue where the streets are. This week tho I was not thrown out of any taxis when they gave up looking. I got out when we hit a traffic light near some places I recognized. Paid close to 80 yuan for their mistakes. Average taxi ride is 12 yuan.
The Ritz Carleton Portman Center is called the Port-a-mon in taxi speak. Hotel Port-a-mon is also acceptable.
When a taxi driver is being hospitable he will turn his ac on high and reach over so the vent is blowing right in your face. All the ac units are moldy for wonderfully pungent smelling experiences. This is why you always carry more tissues than you need. Peeing tissues and sneezing tissues.
New restaurant Las Tapas on Maoming Lu is fabulous. Went twice and great both times. The French restaurant in the Taikang Lu rabbit warren is now Casa 13 (mediterrean)((still can't find spell check function or a dictionary)) cuisine. Pretty good and a great rib eye that tasted of a real wood grilling. The New York Steakhouse is now on the will never go back list. Indifferent service, always out of water/wine you want and frankly they got pissy with Big Daddy about seating. I feel when you spend a fair amount of money fairly often-weekly- they should at least know your name when they tell you to bugger off. Especially since what we requested is exactly what we have had since October of last year. Tipping in China does not guarantee service.
If this Internet keeps going I will post the story of roof next. I have pictures if I can figure out how to post them. Cannot work on learning the
changes to Blogger if the internet does not work.
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