Laugh of the day

One of my neighbors, the ones I affectionately refer to as The Clampetts had a political sign in their yard this morning. Number one it is a first for them to express an opinion on anything other than their kids not being the assholes the cops are looking for or why we all object to their spawn carving  up newly laid cement.

Picture Mr. Clampett, kinda overweight big guy, pants to the butt crack. He is usually seen throwing heating and cooling parts out of his truck onto the street at 4 in the morning OR standing around his crappy yard with a beer bottle (same pants) and calling his wife worse things than even I use as swear words. Usually his spawn are standing there and listening to his description of their mother.

Have you guessed who he supports yet? Come on, it is not hard.

Rick Santorum. Huh? Clampett is ape shit crazy. Does he think at any moment in time Rick would not have him shot as the head asshole of all assholes. Clampett supports a man who is the saint of all home schoolers and Clampett can't find his kids most days. And his wife tried to cold cock a cop in the middle of the street.

That was the beginning of the end, when the Clampetts moved into our neighborhood.

What is up on the Internet and Google and Blogger

If I was in China I would be blaming all this crazy ass shit on Mao, but no right here in the USof A this Internet shit has gone crazzzzy. Can't post a comment on Esby's blog and God knows he needs my help to make coffee. Dude, you buy a European coffee maker that does that steam press thing with regular coffee grounds and a grinder thingy for beans and then you can make coffee by the cup at whatever strength you want. My special coffee maker is broken and waiting to go into the shop. European coffee makers are like the European cars, expensive to maintain. But they make the best coffee ever.

All this computer shit changing is pissing me off. And if I could figure out how to take the stupid ID off my Blog I would, this is getting really stupid.

Punkin Head called me today, I think he is fearful I am about to run down the street naked and screaming. He is probably right, I am getting close. I think my expectations of the new and wonderful jobs would be a done deal by now. Gullible and idealistic.

Now I need think about getting a job, getting a dog or getting into a volunteer situation. Job is dicey in case Big Daddy will need to move, can't risk my reputation in that case. Dog is easier but to make that decision right now, it will definitely be a rescue dog, and some of them just can't take the stress of constant moving. Me and the rescue dog running down the street naked is not a good picture. Volunteering could work for the moment, what could happen there? I could lead the crazees down the street.

This is the big election day here in Michigan and it is turning out crazy. One is asking the Dems to vote for his opponent and the other is robocalling from hell. Newt, I think his hanging back at Somerset Mall in the Tiffany store and who the hell knows where Ron Paul is having dinner.

In the Metro Detroit area, Kwame's dad is saying he will not take a deal from the Feds and rat out his son, the Grosse Pointe lady that was  strangled her case is still  sitting and percolating with no arrests, and they are still killing children a couple times a week in the city.

I overslept

Stayed up too late watching the Academy Awards. The Chinese clock stopped working and every time I looked at it I thought, gosh these guys are really moving this show along. I can stay up for the ending, gosh it isn't even eleven. I was doing stuff in between watching and really did not pay that much attention. I was sorry that The Help did not do better and was amazed at how many of the movies I watched in China on illegal DVDs.

The wind is horrible today and the sun just went dim so I am sure we are in for something. I worry now when it is windy, that huge hunk of tree that fell a few years ago still scares me. The injured possum was scary too. I will never forget that bloody possum face.

I still play a few games on FB and I have somehow gained quite a few foreign friends, it is hilarious to see their posts. If I was as curious as Esby I would be translating so I knew what was going on with these folks.

Big Daddy is okay, was happier until Loosie Goosie showed up and got into with him. Guess he told her he was going to tell the world she did not do her job and she was kinda miffed. For once his kinda boss backed him up and this one is gonna get ugly. She forgets he does not work for China, he works for a country in Europe with real food and wine. And everyone refused to go to dinner with her so she and the supplier had their own whirly bird. BD's Project Manager called him and begged him to come to dinner so he did not have to be alone with Loosie. Guess that in addition to the fact she is an asshole, she also smells pretty bad.

I am enjoying the politics but also getting tired of the robocalls. What I cannot believe are the ads on the media, they are so stupid how can anybody believe any of this shit. I guess there are some that either believe them or can be brainwashed over time, otherwise no one would fear them.

More later.

Completely back to normal

Yes, I am now stamping about and bitching and swearing. The true me has returned. I was worried for a minute there and then poof, me.

Things pissing me off:

My dinner sucked. I tried for a rustic potato and sausage dish.

I never said I could cook, but I thought this had possibilities. I started with some onion and garlic, later on I added some Kalamata olives and hot cherry peppers. It just did not work.

I grated some Parmesan to help it out. Too much Parmesan but I  never have worked the grater thing before.

Also pissing me off: every thing is missing. There was no potato peeler. Could not find the grater thing. I am missing almost all of my stuff. This is the new great grater Big Daddy just bought and then he hid it instead of putting it in the proper place.

Of course I brought 8 bags back from China and I also have no clothes. It seems every time I turn around everything I own is missing.  This has been going on for years, missing stuff all the time.

Oh and I looked in the garage, it is a horror story. There was a bike and some odd jumble of things that looked scary. And my pristine jumper cables were on the floor and looked ucky.

I am going to watch the Oscars and root for The Help, and then I will think about all this tomorrow.

I missed garbage day

I used to have the crown, Queen of the garbage bags. I had more than anyone on the street. That was my hobby, counting garbage bags. I tried to reduce the number of bags by using cloth bags to shop and crunching more shit up into smaller bundles of garbage. I still always won.

Well now I cannot find any shopping bags and I missed the truck today, so I know I am gonna win next week.

Punkin Head is very sad, his cat is very sick. He has had this cat since college and this cat is a huge, huge cat with attitude. Poor Eliot has been diagnosed with diabetes and is suffering, his glucose is very high and he will not eat. PH is taking him to another vet (first vet recommended as they do not keep animals on site) for an overnight stay and second opinion.

I feel so bad for him. I have put dogs down and it is very hard.

Back to scrubbing.

Just enough snow to make it slippery and not enough to make it pretty.

Well the hairdresser did miracles, color is great, she took 3 inches off my hair and I look like a new person. Then it started to snow, that heavy, wet, hard and fast snow. Fucked up the roads major. I had to brush off the windows when I left the salon. The I slipped and slid to Trader Joes's for grocery items. Then I skidded to Jerry's. It is hard to remember how to drive, drive a new car, and drive in snow at the same time. Anyway  kinda ruined the hairdo, it still looks okay, but not supermodel hair.  After the initial storm there wasn't much except the roads to deal with, too warm yesterday, nothing is really sticking. It is hovering around freezing and supposed to rain this afternoon so it should be icy for the next 24 hours. 

They remembered Punkin Head at Trader Joe's and the compliments were so nice to hear. He and The Lady did a great job there and I think they are truly missed. 

Punkin Head will be finished with school April 26 and is continuing the job search. He has thought about government work and I am advocating at least applying. He is worried about the background checks and I am laughing, if my niece got in for what she wanted, Punkin Head is good to go for Library Science. After 2 Masters let us hope he can find something he is happy with. I have always thought FBI or CIA would be great for him, but he has no love for statistics and those jobs are heavy on the numbers data. 

I've got to say the rubber gloves Big Daddy got me are the best ever. I am not a fan of work gloves and these are great. 

BD is still dealing with the jet lag but he has some jolly Germans and a Brit to keep him entertained. He tipped a U.S. quarter by mistake and the butler was over the moon. We gave our waiter in New Orleans a coin Yuan and he loved it. 

Well, back to scrubbing until it is time to Skype BD when he gets up. 

I forgot how to make the bed

The only thing the Ayis did that helped me out was make the beds, change the towels and take out the trash.

I need to change the sheets. I did strip the bed and then stared at the clean sheets. For some reason I seem to have tons of sheets. I mean more sheets than any one person needs. Why do I own all these sheets and when the hell did I buy them?

Big Daddy has been gone 2 and 1/2 years and the preceding 2 years were shitty for finances, so at some point 5 or 6 years ago I must have decided that sheets were something I needed a shit load of. I am not going to go through the sheets today, just make the bed and finish washing clothes to wear to the hairdresser tomorrow. But at some point I need to organize this shit.

It is funny wandering around the house. The kids did some things I find strange and I am finding things I forgot about in strange places. I wonder how much of my view on this is what has changed in the house or how much I have changed. I know living in China changed my life in many ways, maybe now I am seeing things from the past that I don't have any connection with anymore. There is a corner of the counter in the kitchen that I always put a decorative vignette, it took me a few days to remember why that area looked so strange, then I remembered Easter, I have an Easter vignette. Now I am thinking do I really want to put that shit out and where would I even find it? And I have to put the Thanksgiving away.

Okay, gotta put my rubber gloves back on and get busy.

Big Daddy is sad

And frankly I would be too if I had to be in China all by myself. I would post a picture but I don't have one with tears.

His asshat boss called him about nothing (on a Sunday) so BD asked him what he is supposed to do with the mail, cereal bars and dandruff shampoo he lugged back for the idiot. This is the guy that wants no help, knows everything about China from his expat groups and can't find dandruff shampoo in Shanghai. It is everywhere for  fecks sake. Love that word, feck, swearing but not really. Kind of like wanker. So anyhoo, the cretin offers up that his friend moved into our apartment complex, in the locals section. BD tells him to get the guy to walk his sorry ass over to our apartment and pick up this shit. When the guy gets there is mouth is hanging open at how nice our apartment is compared to his. Guess TRW does not have a decent relo package.

He will be spending the next two weeks in Ning Hai and probably discussing giving our leftover furniture to his buddy. He did find the 999 roses and we will see what is coming back with the roses and the fish plaque.

Trying to get on track here and it is not easy. Can't figure out the TV channels, sleeping patterns still off and I hate my hair. I do have a hair appointment Tuesday. BD bought me a pair of rubber gloves with cuffs for Valentine's Day so I might as well put them to use.

Off to scrub something.

Dinner At Antoine's

White tie and tails.

There really is a book Dinner At Antoine's by Francis Parkinson Keyes,  partially set in the restaurant. It is a murder mystery.  In those days it was understood that one dressed for dinner. Right next to these Uptown diners was a large group clad in flannel shirts. How times have changed.  We had dinner once in the private 1840's room, decorated with some items from the book (the duck press) and if I can find the pictures I will post some of them. I wore a hat and pearls, it was fun.

We sat in the best area and had Eddie and Alan serving our dinner. One thing I loved, Eddie recorked the wine and put foil around it so I could finish it in the hotel room. Which I never did, but if I had wanted too . .

I forgot to take the picture for a minute or two, so this is after a bite or two, Crab Ravigote, delicious. Big Daddy had a special escargot dish and we both had fish for dinner. Mine was a tad dry, but okay.

Doesn't this dog look like he is saying, "You gotta be kidding me".  The Barkus parade was not as good this year. Every asshat in town brought their own dog as if they thought the dogs wanted to watch the dogs. WTF.

And of course, the guy who did not know when to go home.

Its just not right

I am sure he agrees, some things are just not done.

I will post soon on the Carnival festivities but this guy was just begging to be seen. WTF.

Put Big Daddy on the plane this afternoon and karma got him. We had the kids for dinner last night and he made the famous turkey pancetta loaf with spinach and mashed potatoes. He remarked later he should have sent some of the turkey loaf home with Punkin Head as he made enough for the entire neighborhood. He then made himself sandwiches for the flight back to China and forget them, hmm, I have dinner. Punkin Head said to try and freeze what I can't eat, don't know if it will work or not. Big Daddy said Delta is once again doing customer appreciation, the two meals are the same, printed on the menu, the same, you get the same shit twice on one flight. What is wrong with these people.

Today I figured out the channels on cable, problem is I have one television with HD and one without. The Lady brought me a beginners knitting book and some scrap yarn to play with. I also need to read the manual on the car as we cannot open the trunk or work the heater.

BD had a great job interview this week and may be getting an offer Monday or Tuesday. The other offers are in the works. Looks good for him right now, wait and see is the hardest.

Tonight the forcast is light snow and ice, lovely, and tomorrow snow. Glad I am stocked up for now as I am sure I cannot work the defroster on the car.

Why does Delta Airlines suck?

Now that I am a newly repatriated American, or as Mexico likes to say Norte Americano, or as some might say, citizen of these United States, I no longer feel the need to be conciliatory to the asshats of the world. As Miss Donna would say, I feel like cutting-up. Yes, ma'am, I do feel the need to bitch.

I am one of those people that will take you at your word. Until you fuck me over. Then I might look for details that prove you to be a lying, thieving, piece of shit.  That is why I must post about the whoring, asswipe, fecking idiots that work for Delta Airlines.

We made a deal, me and Delta. I would purchase their crappy flights and they would kinda get me where I wanted to go most of the time. Then The Spawn of Devil, aka Delta, started changing the rules. They were sneaky about it, never really admitting they were changing shit, they were just adjusting for the current economy. Their web-site sometimes reflected some changes and sometimes not.

My latest experience with the three headed dog from hell wannabees makes me wonder why people keep buying the products. The Medallion status gets you mostly nothing, the Sky Club is worthless and customer service is non-existant. Just so you know, I fly Delta because it is where I want to go (not that they always get me there), I live in a hub and everything else is a side benefit from a Plat AMEX (not a Delta AMEX), I do not go out of my way for this abuse.

First, their web-site states that Platinum status is upgraded according to a schedule. They publish the schedule. They publish your turn. They publish the odds; how many seats, how many hopefuls, your turn in line.

Then they don't do the upgrades and their response is "There are other airlines". Well, no shit, I am amazed, I thought all those other planes were phony big Tonka toys sitting at the gates.

Second, they blamed me. I am only Gold, and even though I was number 4 out of 4 on the fucking list, I was the hold-up. The web-site says upgrade at 5 days for Gold and 3 days for Plat. I don't care if you hold seats to make money, just say so, don't dangle shit in front of people. Okay, just admit you don't follow your PRN and tell people. Own it.

Third, and this is priceless, they upgraded Big Daddy at the last minute but would not put me in BD's former aisle seat. Because they had already given it away. How do you put someone in a seat someone else is sitting in? They gave away my upgrade to someone more important, and gave away BD's seat prior to moving him? And then they moved me to an exit row and a flight with no seats. WTF.

So I sat in First as a Valentine present and as thanks for all the middle seats I sat in with China Southern. BD sat in the exit row.

And I got the wacko seat mate. This dude was so weird I almost asked for a Priest and I am not Catholic. He had everything he owned stuffed under the seats including the pillow and blanket. He took the middle so he had two under seat compartments. This of course took enormous amounts of energy to keep all his stuff from falling all over the floor. He wanted me to crawl over him to get into my window seat, and I have a rule "get your sorry ass up and let me in like a normal person". If you cannot stand up and let me in you are a safety risk to me. He also had bad gas. Horrible. He went to the lav while the plane was at the gate. (Proving he could walk) He then spent the entire flight hitting on the Flight Attendant and stalking her in the galley when she tried to hide. Then he gave me a song and dance in Detroit that he could not get off the plane without help, so I could not leave the plane either.  He is so lucky I did not bonk his head.

And those Delta bastards did not have cheese in the Sky Club. Nor did they have Sun Chips or any Chocolate on the plane. In.First.Class. So much for those promises.

Would it not be better to advertise they have no intention of honoring the Priority programs and just get down and dirty and tell people the truth: We oversell our planes, we do not have a clue if you might get to your destination and we will treat you however we feel like it depending on our moods.

Oops, I guess they did when they told us there are other airlines.

New Orleans part 2

Krewe of Cork starting their parade.

Cold and blustery, actually looks like snow clouds out there on the horizon. I've been up a while with the tummy. There is a large canopy over the balcony and it gets quite noisy when the wind kicks up. Yesterday I was worried about a lighter coat, today I am sorry I did not bring a full length coat.

We got some nice throws yesterday. It was raining and cold during the parade so we watched the start and took off. Dinner was at the Rib Room, good as always but our waiter had a problem with his ankle and called in, so no good gossip. The other waiter we like is at Galatoire's and I don't know that I am up for lining up outside in this weather. Dinner at Antoine's tonight.

We are in New Orleans

The flight down was fine, upgraded to first, TSA was on happy pills and the Sky Club had Biscoff. Sky Club told Big Daddy his membership was running out and did he want to renew. He never knew he had one, we use the charge card entry, AMEX.

The room is great, Bulgari in the bath, iced Champagne and fruit and note cards with Big Daddy's name. I cannot drink Champagne, gives me a headache and it was not top drawer. I would have taken a picture but I was brain dead. BD went to the wine store and I went to bed.

He woke me up around 5 and told me I had to go to the Club Room and meet the wackos. Every trip to New Orleans we meet wackos, these are from Houston. New information, Clozopam (I know I misspelled that) can be used for hangovers. And you can also drink like a fish while taking it. As I do not like taking ibuprofen when drinking I was aghast. But it is a typical wacko bit of information. When we left they were fighting amongst themselves so I am sure more entertainment will follow.

Cool and overcast today, probable rain. BD is at an interview and I need to get dressed. I wonder what I packed? I used to spend weeks planning this wardrobe, this time I threw shit I thought might work on the bed and BD packed.

I will find the camera and get some pictures today. Oh and some small bills. I forgot just how pervasive tipping is in the U.S.

Funny of the day: The cab from the airport was named Hindustani I. I asked him to turn on the air-conditioning and he put the front windows (a van) all the way down. When I got my hair out of my mouth and could talk I asked him to roll them up a bit. He rolled his half way up. Asswipe.

Jet Lag is bad

I thought I was all fine and dandy. I have not slept since the first hurrah of 11 hours. I am not happy.

Big Daddy's first job interview was strange as hell. I mean really, really strange. It is to continue later today. After all this time and various meetings and conversation, they may want him to fly back for another interview in another state. WTF. I always felt bad if I left and hour early for an interview, how the fuck do you fly in and out from China without using up your vacation on a maybe. And Big Daddy is here now, which this dude knew last week. Also, this would have to be business class, who is gonna pay that kind of money.

There is a "new" job interview at two this afternoon. The other companies have checked and are confirming so I am hopeful the screwy people won't matter.

I had forgotten about the commercials on the television, it appears everyone in the USofA is quite ill and willing to do anything to get better. They take medication with horrible side effects to feel better. And there was this one old guy that was almost in tears because they made a better catheter. He did not insert it but the graphics were enough to give me the willies, something about burrs on the old ones. And apparently all the houses stink as everyone is using an assortment of air fresheners and treatments. Hmmm. At least the toilet paper is not sticking to the behinds anymore, I never did understand all the problems people had with toilet paper.

Okay, I need try to sleep again.

A Safety?

Tom, WTF, a Safety? Watching the Super Bowl, this is great. Now 12 men on the field. WTF. This is getting ugly in the first quarter. 

Just had our first at home dinner and it was fantastic, I had a filet and Big Daddy had a veal chop. Baked potato that tasted like a real potato, real sour cream, kidney bean salad with real mayo and real asparagus. We could not get the pastrami yesterday, it was sold out for Super Bowl. Huh? But we did get some nice corned beef so we had great sandwiches last night. The best thing is having real china and flatware, glasses and cups. And ice cubes readily at hand. The food prices here are around 3x less than China, amazing. 

We only had a few foibles on our way home, first was when we checked in. Delta now allows only 2 checked bags for Plats when the seat is booked in coach. Paid 400 dollars for 2 bags and went to the lounge and called Delta and they were so confused by the new rules they refunded the charges. That was good news, will pay for a couple meals in New Orleans. We landed very, very early and sailed through CBP  so we had to get a taxi home, Punkin Head planned to pick us up 2 1/2 hours later. Our driver was from Pakistan and talked the entire way, he was quite a character only slowing down when he passed the State Police. Did not slow down when passing, got in another lane and said that is way the traffic slowed down as we whizzed by the cops. 

Upon arriving home I opened the door and turned off the alarm system, but it would not turn off. All the buttons stuck down. We had to convince the alarm company we were us, and then make arrangements to retest the system Monday. I think no one living here has made the house very dirty and everything needs a major cleaning. The buttons on the phone stick too. We should have done that rich people thing and covered  every thing with drop cloths.   

Seems like we may not have the bad jet lag this time, we were both so grateful for our fabulous beds, I slept for 11 hours last night, and that was after a nap or two. I woke up a couple times in the morning and just thought "this bed is too wonderful to get up". 

Tomorrow morning BD has the first of his job meetings, this a conference call with a guy he has talked with for about a year or so. This guy is the one who sent an email last week that said, Game On. BD wants me to tell him who wins Super Bowl so he can act like he knows sports, as it seems Game On may be a fan. 

I might post  later on the game and the commercials, so far nothing special. 

Getting Antsy

All packed except for the last minute items. Big Daddy is out buying batteries for the headphones and trying to arrange for a taxi in the morning. It is dicey for an "off the wall" taxi to have room for all our bags. Some have gasoline and water in the trunk to energize the vehicles, some have their family in there, best to find one that is prepared for the airport haul.

BD is worried Punkin Head will forget us. Punkin Head has never forgotten us, so I think BD is just in his usual craze to get home and get going. He makes me crazy. As I am like a placid lake in the world of peace, I think he should just get a grip. BD does not think Punkin Head can fit our bags in his car. Another trauma.

Oops, bad news, the Congee (Chinese for Congeries; that does not look right either, and I spell checked ) did the teeth sucking grimace and said that getting the big taxi is really, really hard. Would not take a bribe. Also said getting a roller cart to help with the bags was really, really hard. This is not looking good.

Passing on the last Shemp visit

Last night I am in the tub and using the sprayer to rinse my hair and suddenly, out of the blue, there is no fucking water. First it got cold, then it trickled and then nothing. Big Daddy says, no big deal, just give me a minute to reach out the kitchen window and turn the water heater back on. Yepper, just when I was getting sentimental reality smacked me in the hair.

More good news, kinda freaky too. BD was dreaming he was talking to one of the people he interviewed with, this is the company that cannot hire this quarter. He wakes up, checks his iPhone---and he has an email from this guy. They have approved the budget and he is ready to talk. This was one of the most promising positions.

There has been a nasty murder of a Grosse Pointe woman and the media has gone crazy. People in GP are rarely murdered. The area still has the cachet of old money and private clubs, which of course means everyone just loves to hear the gossip. The woman's husband, who is a person of interest, supposedly has a girlfriend, was buying her a house around the corner from his, rented her the last 2 apartments she lived in, and had a basement that he used for S&M practices. And his mentally challenged "handy man type associate" has confessed and implicated hubby. And people say GP is boring and bland. Oh, and the husband may have hired the attorney who is famous for defending the last whacko murderer in Metro Detroit.

Funniest comment on the GP blogs about the murder, If a gunshot is heard in GP the police will be there in minutes. Umm, I have a target range in my basement. At one time it was certified by the GP police. You know BD had to try it once, and no police showed up.

BD just got home and we have to finish stuffing the luggage. And I need to wash my hair again.

Still behind schedule

But on a positive note, the head hunters wanted some info on our home.

On the downside, every time I left here I would stand on the balcony and wonder if I would ever see Shanghai again. Of course those were the times I could actually see anything from the balcony. Find myself looking out today and wondering if I can fit in with the suburbs again. Not that I ever did but I did pretend to fit in.

It is going to be strange to be in our regular house again. We live on a short dead end type street, not much traffic or people about. You really cannot even see much sky as there are so many trees. Grosse Pointe Woods is a named Tree City.

I was thinking today, soon I will have a garbage disposal and a dishwasher and water faucet I can drink from and a counter top with no Shemp footprints. Then I remembered every time I go home I am the Queen of the Broken Shit. Maybe this time the spell will be broken.

I am looking forward to our vacation and warm weather. New Orleans is so much fun and picture worthy now that I am on the photo path. And I am thrilled to be home for the election year. If it is half again as entertaining at home as it is here on CNN, well that is worth a party.

And I do believe this weekend is Super Bowl, hot damn. Who to root for, the Michigan Man or the Manning heir? Hmm. I just hope they don't drink the water in Indy, shit happens to people that drink Indy water, look at the Colts.