Snippets of my world

My doctor is impressed and amazed by my colon. I have the most diverticulosis in the history of his practice. It is from one end to the other. I am certain I am going to have to wear a bag later in life. And no one knows how this happens.

He told me this yesterday when I went in to get my hand looked at. My hand has 2 separate problems, one is a nerve problem. So he gave me pills for this, which I hate taking pills. The side effects were kinda scary with blurred vision being one-so I am not taking the pills until Big Daddy returns home. Don't want to be dopey and blurry on my own. The other problem I need a hand specialist for as it might be a ganglion cyst and it might not. Both conditions hurt and that is enough for me.

Last Friday, the day of my procedure was Big Daddy's birthday party. I was awake by then and Punkin Head made him his favorite, Pineapple Upside Down cake in the iron skillet. He is the best boy ever. He also got him a new UofM sweatshirt as that was one of his favorite gifts ever.

Good fun is in the offing as The Fiancee wants to "borrow" my jewels and we get to fondle and play with them to pick something out.

Mother of the groom dress

The worst thing ever has happened. The mother of the bride did not go with the custom made dress and she went and bought a dress at Nordstrom. That is where I am going to buy a dress. I kinda have mine picked out online and I am going to buy the dress soon.

What if she bought my dress. I know, you are saying what is the chance of that. Well, here is a story for ya.

Back in the day my grandmother was dating/living with a guy, an old friend of the family. My grandpa died and gramma found a friend who longed to be closer and she agreed. The only problem was, I think he was married. Whatever. Anyway his daughter was getting married and my family was invited and we all had to go as a show of support for grandma. Maybe he was divorced then, or close to it.

My grandma found this dress to wear to the wedding, it was a blue sheath type-floor length number with a chiffon over-lay caftan type thing. It was airy and the caftan thing kind of flowed with impressionist colors of blue and green over white. This was not a wallflower dress.

Guess who wore the same damn dress. Yes, the ex-wife mother of the bride. It was something to behold.

Pipes Cleaning

Friday was the long awaited colonoscopy and the down the throat thing. Interesting things were noted.

There is no way Michael Jackson got up and danced after taking that stuff. The Propofol that is.  He had to take something to pump him up.

The doctor stretched my esophagus and I don't know why, but it hurts like hell.

The worst part was the making of the gunk to drink for the prep. There is jar of powder substance that is a laxative and 2 bottles of 32 ounce Gatorade required. You put half the powder into each bottle. I am a very literal person so I set a lab scenario to accomplish this task. I had my notepad to note how many measures I put into each container. Well I put one measure into each bottle and then I noticed that I could not get a second measure in as the level of the Gatorade had risen to the top of the bottle. I was flummoxed, how was I going to get this sizable jar of powder into these bottles when the first 1/8 C measure almost sent the liquid cascading over the rim. I had to sit down and breathe to keep from crying, this was not going according to plan.

Okay, I improvised and dumped the one bottle into a lidded pitcher (Punkin Head helped me figure this out) and then used the two bottles to mix the other portion. But why do they tell you to put the shit into the bottle when they know you can't fit that shit into the bottle? And I am normally a fairly bright person but on the brink of shitting my brains out with no food, well, that is not a good time for me to have to figure out on my own that the directions for the gunk sucks.

Anyway it all looks okay to the doc and I will get the 3  biopsy results soon and I have a hiatus hernia. They say no big deal, no cure, no harm, no foul, just avoid a few things and life is good. The usual suspects of course-nicotine, alcohol, caffeine- but some surprising additions, chocolate, peppermint and spearmint. So of course today when I could swallow I ate a chocolate croissant to make up for all the pain and guess what, I got the aggravating little pain. That one is gonna piss me off, tell a broad no chocolate? I don't think so.

Cherry Blossoms

This tree is making my allergies worse than ever.

Street in front of my house coated with the cherry blossoms.

Poblano peppers stuffed with Quinoa

This dinner took all day.

That sauce took hours as it had to be prepared, grilled in foil, pureed and then finished.

The only thing on that plate with any taste was the pork.

What is it with the Food & Wine cookbooks and the bland food. The pictures are great, the food looks good and one would think that spending a day cooking would yield some delightful fare.

Not so.

The Barber of the village

Columbine randomly growing in my landscaping, I think this may be the Rocky Mountain variety

Big Daddy always has a bitch of a time trying to get a haircut. It was no different in China, it just cost a whole lot less to look like shit.

Back in the day he used to have Earl cut his hair. Earl was the only guy to give a razor shave. Big Daddy quit Earl because he was just too old. He was 97, he started cutting hair when he was 16.

Then BD moved on to Tony, but when he came back from China Tony was shaking so bad he scared BD. He was 86.

Big Daddy then moved on to John, he is a youngster at 71 but he does the worst haircut I have ever seen.

So this evening BD and I are back in the nook at the wrought iron table with the hair cutting kit from the drug store and I am cutting his hair. A little younger than the last guys, I would like to think a bit cuter, and certainly a bit pickier. A glass of wine, clippers with a number one, and some scissors, yep he looks good.

The Rogue Driver

Punkin Head called and told me he remembered why he hated Philly airport. The airport is filled with every degenerate imaginable. A simple asshat would never hold a candle to an ordinary Philly traveler.

We used to travel there to visit PH when he went to Temple. God, it is was nasty. Trashiest place I have ever been. Even the homeless people are exceptionally cheeky.

I remember landing at the airport and while trying to find baggage there were signs all over the place about not hiring some kind of funky cab drivers, maybe unlicensed, I don't know. Anyway I was in charge of the ride while Big Daddy got the bags and yes I hired Tony, the illegitimate son of Guido who was kin to the Godfather. He had a really nice old Cadillac with mostly working parts.
And he let me sit in the front seat, that is a rule.

About a quarter mile from the airport I started to wonder where he was going to kill us. We made it to the Omni in record time at a safe speed and a reasonable price. And of course I tipped him, 20%.

PH is bringing me home chocolates from the region to try, we are thinking this may be a good substitute for dessert for the rehearsal dinner. It will be on the day every one travels in, Friday, and some of these people have family in tow. We are stuck with a more formal dinner scenario but I thought, with PH, that instead of dessert we would put out good chocolate for each and then people could retire to the wife and kids or with us the bar for an after dinner drink and coffee. What do you think? Is it okay to ditch dessert and let people to get back to their families on a Friday night after travel?

Me and Farrah Fawcett

Back in the day me and Florida Girl my BFF worked at a golf course serving cold beers and lunch to the duffers. She got me the job and it was a good one. Worked days mostly and the guys were nice to us little waitresses in our red hot pants and the women were few and far between and only talked to each other over their coffee cups. We did have to show up pretty early as some of the leagues teed off at the crack of dawn and had to have their coffee and donut first.

One day Florida Girl and I went to the mall shopping and found a new store, a wig shop. There were 2 gals from New York or New Jersey there to open it and it was hilarious trying on the different wigs. I picked one out that was the Farrah Fawcett, looked nothing like Farrah's hair but I had stars in my eyes. At the time I had boring brown hair and the streaky blond made me feel glamorous. FG had blond hair and if I recall correctly she picked out a short curly red one. The beauty of these wigs was that you could swish them in shampoo water, rinse and hang on the doorknob. God we were stylin' and wore the hell out of that hair that summer.

FG is getting a port put in next week and will start chemo shortly thereafter. She will have chemo until October and then they will take the mightily shriveled cancer bit out of her breast. She told me by Skyping that she would be losing her glamorous hair. She used to be a worse product, makeup and hair whore than me. And suddenly it stopped. I don't think she even uses chapstick anymore.

I wonder if she will remember our summer of fun hair. I asked her if she will be getting a wig, she has not answered me yet.

Wedding news

Mother's Day orchid

Punking Head and The Fiancee have traveled to Vermont for wedding prep and I am hearing some news. We are having suckling pig which will make Big Daddy very happy. And shrimp and grits.

Uptown Girl

Oh yea

Okay I am going to do this and just get it off my chest. The recruiter called today to tell me I did not get the job we all knew I was not getting. But here is the thing, it is because they-the 2 little dickwads at the plant in Podunk-did not think I would get down in the trenches and get my hands dirty. Bullshit. Those 2 little weenie boys knew I was overqualified for that job and they were scared outta their little peenie pants.

But you know what really pisses me off, tell the truth you dumb ass ignorant, slimy, scared and maggety morons, you were scared of the lady from the big city that used to argue with Ford. You told the big guy I DID NOT LOOK like I would work hard and go on the plant floor and fix your ridiculous problems. LOOKS are what you used to deny me a job. LOOKS.

Well, they both looked like asshats and I was willing to go clean up their messes. How in the name of all that is holy in this day and age do you actually say you will not hire some one because of the way they look. Was I too clean, too well dressed, too pretty,  . . . did not look like I would get down on my knees . . . okay we don't need to go there, but really.

The way I looked.

It was a happy day

Punkin Head made a surprise visit yesterday after he finished working. He is a sweetie. And he brought wonderful treasures. A beautiful orchid, a bag of Marcona Almonds with Rosemary, and a new book, Smokehouse Ham, Spoon Bread & Scuppernong Wine by Joseph E. Dabney. It is quite thick and I can't wait to dive in. Big Daddy made us a wonderful chicken dinner and we had a lovely time. I noticed the white and yellow daffodil type flowers in back were all falling down so BD picked them and I sent some home to The Fiancee as she could not make the dinner.

Then the weirdest thing happened around 7 or so, there was a tremendous knocking at the front door and this guy asked if we wanted our lawn mowed. As every lawn in the neighborhood is well maintained I thought this was odd, especially on a Sunday night, Mother's day and there is a noise ordinance. I stood watching to see where he was going and if he was going to leave the area, well when he showed back up he was followed by a guy pushing a lawn mower. The guy was wearing a blue, medium blue, cape with what appeared to be cartoon characters on it.  These guys were in their late twenties at least. WTF.

I can't make this stuff up

A while back I went to Trader Joe's and returned home horrified by a family of obnoxious children and a useless parent. I always was quite put out with the tiny carts for the children and those kids who thought they were in the Grand Prix. To my horror I saw this family walking down the sidewalk not far from my home. I was so hoping they lived in the Park and not in my neck of the Woods.

Not long after Big Daddy came home with a story that matched the same family I had been repelled by. His tale was more shocking than mine. Well today he returned from Trader Joe's with another tale of the Cart Cuties. Of course I had to inquire as what a Cart Cutie might be. Well, it is the snot faced little beastly tykes that all the parents stand around and say isn't he/she cute while they push the miniature carts into every one's ankles.

BD said to me, "You remember Buggar". Oh my goodness, Buggar, that is what his mama calls him. Buggar is the head of the beastly children of the useless parent. Well today Buggar was helping his mama pick out wine. A 4 year old putting wine in his mini-cart, how charming.

So in honor of Mother's Day, help your mama pick out some wine.

Not a good week

The little nook where I sit when Big Daddy BBQ's.

This has been a sucky week. The job things and such.

Then we heard last night that Mr. RV did not make it through surgery. He knew the odds going in and decided the risk was worth it as he had a very poor quality of life. Mom will be back home today.

And if that was not enough my BFF from high school found out this morning she has breast cancer. She had the biopsy on Monday and has an appointment with a surgeon on the 15th. How horrid for her and she lost both her parents when she was younger so not a pretty picture.  Looks like a trip to Florida is in my future.  Good thing I have a ton of Skymiles, if they still let you use them.

Not much news here

Went this morning and had my mammogram, I cannot believe how long it has been and both my mother and grandmother had breast cancer. I should be in line waiting the first minute I am due.

The Mormons got new windows, this refurbishing of the fire house is taking a long time.

I got a new lead on a job and tracked most of it down, leaving messages for people to figure out how to apply. Well, there was this guy I used to work with-he was the customer-and getting him to stop talking either in person or on the phone was nearly impossible. He returned my call at 9 PM and I was on the phone with him until 10:30. He is the one taking my resume in so I have a chance with this one. And it is a much shorter drive.

My mother's husband is having heart surgery today, yesterday he got the balloon put in. Praying for a good outcome here. Speaking of my mother:

Funny of the day:

My mother has been sending pictures of the flowers I sent to the hospital and I have not been getting them. Checked everywhere and yesterday it came to me. Yep, she was sending them to my land line.

The weirdest job interview or you gotta be kidding me

Volunteers finished blooming, they are large and quite nice.

OK, so far I have been told how great my interviews are going-by the interviewers. My references are impeccable and the best ever. So, I am asked for a third interview for 4 PM on Tuesday with the guy flying in from the coast. This is quickly changed to 5PM. I drive to Podunk, get their early and scope out the other side of town. Ghost Town. Get to the place about 10 minutes early and notice the parking lot is deserted; it is kinda creepy but answers my question of when do they get off work. I call Big Daddy to let him know I arrived, put on some lipstick, grab my folder and I head in to the building.

Well, this time the front door is open but all the lights are off and the place looks deserted. The little wedge is in place holding the main door open and lights are on in the hallway. I check the phone on the wall and there is no number for reception or a guard. After waiting 10 minutes and then trying the phone that does not work I sit down to wait. Finally this guy walks by and asks if I have an appointment or am I a homeless vagrant just settling in for the night. Kidding. A few minutes later this woman shows up apologizing that the guy I am scheduled to meet is off-site and told no one I was coming. She can't get him on his cell phone, but she sat in on one of his interviews yesterday and felt she could wing it.

She must have apologized a hundred times and 10 minutes later the dude calls her and says he is on his way and will be about 20 minutes or so and I can leave if I want. No offer to reschedule.  At this point I have way to much invested to not eyeball this guy and see just what is up with this shit. The gal was great and I felt we had a great interview.

The dude shows up and after kinda introducing himself he announces he needs the men's room. During the entire interview he never once made eye contact with me, the only eyeballing was my own. He told me I had great references and then asked if I had been there before. An odd way of putting it, but I told him yes, that I had interviewed last week with Larry and Moe. He responded: Oh you met with Curly and Shemp. I said no, Larry and Moe. He said yea, Curly and Shemp. Then the gal says no, she met with Larry and Moe. He answers her, Oh Ok, Moe and Curly. At this point we gave up. There was more nonsense that I will not bore you with.

I saved the best for last, he told me about the long hard hours everyone at this place works. With the parking lot empty at 10 to five, I don't think so. He has many more people to interview this week so I won't hold my breath for the bad news. It is just not meant to be right now.

You can run but you can't hide

When I got home and started seeing a whole new world through the Internet I joined this shopping site, One Kings Lane. The have nice stuff and once in while great sales. I had gotten a couple things from them and was pleased. Internet shopping is great when you can't leave the house or don't feel like trekking the world over for something.

Anyway, we were short on goblets here at the homestead and I thought these would be wonderful for our San Pelligrino with dinner. It took a long time for them to arrive and when Big Daddy put them on the counter the first thing I saw on the box was made in China. Of course the first glass I pulled out of the very sturdy packing broke between the bowl and stem.

Big Daddy called One Kings Lane and told them of the unfortunate incident and due to circumstances of close out and clearance they told him to keep the remainder and took the charges off his credit card. The funny thing about this is that all things sold in a set in China come in threes, one child policy means 3 in a household. And 4 is a very unlucky number in China. So we have our Chinese glasses for our Italian water.

By the way, I am sure everyone knows I don't get paid for anything I say here-just sharing a great experience.

And I have the flu, a mild case but still the flu. I think I got it from the QM at my last interview. Need hand sanitizer in the car.

Detour

Weeping Cherry in front, this is on the downside of blooming.

We had a little snafu last night. The IBS returned with a vengeance. I am starting to think it is partially set off by stress. I have not told you the half of it but I have been under a bit of stress. I am just not sure if it shows up a month later or is like my skin condition and waits a month. But I have the Mt. Etna zit and the IBS at the same time, so who knows. I was up all night and no fun was had at the fair. And I can't go shopping today so that rather fucked up my plans. I checked the Internet to get some control over the shopping and plan on buying a shitload of supplies if I get this job. Say a prayer or think some good thoughts if you are inclined in that direction.

Big Daddy is working in the yard and I must get out there to keep him in line. Sammy Dog is watching him but I have no faith in that match-up.

Such a quandary

Volunteer tulips, they look pretty good.

Some of you may recall the summer fat clothes blues from last year. Well it is that time of year again and now I have a new and unusual problem. I have to return for a second interview on this job. It is set up for next Tuesday and the Director of Quality is flying into town to meet me. It is also getting quite warm here. Too warm to wear my interview suit unless it snows again. And that could happen but I can't count on it.

I don't want to buy another interview suit for summer in case I get this job. I do not see any reason I would need this summer outfit. I am thinking of buying what I would be wearing on the job, which is similar to what the guys I interviewed with wore, khaki pants and collared or polo type shirts. I would have no use for these clothes unless I got the job-but if I do get it I am going to need these clothes so I do need to figure out where I can buy them. I am on the short side so I have to find fat short sizes.

If I go to Somerset Mall they have the most stores that may carry these clothes plus I could find my Ecco shoes there. If I bought the shoes and did not wear them I could return them if I don't get the job. They are fairly pricey but when you spend your life walking on cement these things matter. You cannot buy replacement feet.

Big Daddy is coming home today and tomorrow we will go shopping. I need him for his pay, tote and carry abilities. It helps to shorten the process because as a rule I hate shopping for work clothes.

It is what it is

One of my references asked Big Daddy if I knew my recruiter was an idiot. BD told him yes.

The other day the meter man came by and I saw him out the back doorwall reading the meter. So I went up front to get Sammy in order to hold down the noise factor. Well I did not make it in time and there was a huge barking todo. When I saw Sammy he was all tangled up and so naturally I asked him what the fuck he was doing. The meter man was now reading the front meter and looking at me as if I was insane. I had to tell him I was talking to the dog as if that made it all okay.  Reminds me of the time my mother was yelling at her tiny poodle, she stuck her head out the front door and yelled, "Mister get your ass back here". The postman gave her quite the odd look too. Her dog was Mister Big, all 5 pounds of him.

Sad news yesterday, my oldest and dearest friend since high school has a lump in her breast and is going in for a biopsy Monday. The lump is quite large and painful and they give a local to numb and then go in a get a few chunks. I think I liked it better when did this in a hospital and put your ass out. And she barely has insurance, this is gonna cost her a fortune. And she is one of those people that they said Obamacare would help and we find out now she will actually be penalized. Doesn't make enough for help and has to buy more crappy insurance.

Well, I need to talk to Punkin Head about the wedding some more and our conspiracy project, BD is back in West BFE and me and Sammy are just hanging out.

I will not get this job

It is a fine job. It is me not them. I thought the interview went well, we all think our interviews go well. I showed up with crappy hair-it is what it is, you are right Becs-in my fat interview suit with the huge zit next to my nose.

The job is down a couple stress levels from my last foray in the automotive nightmare so I could even consider working for less money. It is a cute little place and the people were friendly.

I think they will find someone cheaper and think I am overqualified for this gig. I am.

We will see, I did dig up a reference from 1997 for that valued 3rd person they need. Does anyone not think about how much I have changed in 16 years. WTF. I can hear it now, I remember when she got her braces off. Whatever.

Punkin Head and I are in a conspiracy and that is going to entertain me for now.