Smoking

Yes, I am one of the terrible, nasty, smelly and dangerous smokers. I smoke regularly and somewhat often. That is because it is legal, I am addicted, I enjoy it, and my taxes fund most of the world activities.

I have quit many times and for long periods of time. I am a stress smoker. And I live a life of stressful incidents.

So now there is a WHO no smoking day, to realize that smoking is bad.

Who the fuck is so stupid that they think people who smoke do not know the dangers?

If it is so fucking dangerous that people are dropping like flies, and really only Chinese flies can be beaten to death-but that is another story, then make it illegal. I am not the type to go on desperate and illegal travels to find a smoke. It is either legal and ok to smoke or it is the worst thing since polio and needs to be eradicated. Someone has to pick.

Yea, yea, yea I know all the anti-smoking rhetoric, there is some shit I don't like either. Actually perfumes, candles and room sprays can send me to bed for days with a headache, if they contain certain scents. There are a number of things that are harmful that I could list here including the gassing out of new cars, planes and trailer homes, work environments, pollution in big cities and nuclear reactors. Oh and new news, now the cell phones are killing us. Who Knew. Outdoor burning is also taboo unless you live in an area where it is cost effective.

I will make a deal with you all. I will not smoke if you will not eat crap, not put your babies in disposable diapers, demand that dog shit goes into only paper containers, and get rid of  "soda pop" or that shit that people drink which is full of nothing but sugar and garbage. And give up plastic bottles.

But that will never happen. Because no one wants to put their money where their mouth is. I say we all suffer or none of us suffer.

Also, when I was not smoking I was the first to admit that it was stinky. So were all the people that did not bathe and wash their hair daily, ate food in public, wore their clothes without washing them, thought dry cleaning was too expensive, and in general were just filthy pigs. Who is going to police these people?

Because if I have to smell your filthy asses again I will be complaining. Loudly.

And everyone else better be ready for round 2. Because if it is really about every ones health, well there you go. And if it is about personal peeves, there are thousands of those too.

So, give up the tax money and make it illegal or shut the fuck up.

Sunday Snippets

I have no computer so I am borrowing Big Daddy's for a quick post. Took my laptop in Saturday morning and it may be fixed by Tuesday, or not.

Met a white lady in the elevator on Friday when we returned, she was quite flustered about the Internet and the phone and the TV, she has been here 3 months and I have never seen her before. Hope I run into her again, she could be interesting.

They had a wedding, or I guess I should say weeding, down in the grassy area this afternoon. It was weird as hell from 28 floors up, and there were no firecrackers so I am not sure they are really wed.

Big Daddy went to the wet market alone as I was too lazy to get dressed and I guess it was a calamity. The vendors were making their exodus into the street and shouting while pushing their carts and stopped traffic on the street. Seems they raised the rents. So no more veggies for us. Or more expensive ones when the new vendors move in.

Big Daddy also got in trouble trying to take a picture of little kid with the butt crack pants squatting on the sidewalk to take a shit. Guess it is ok to shit on the sidewalk, just not to take pictures of it. I wonder if you have to clean up after them like the dogs.

Hope the computer is fixed by Tuesday or I will have to go back to Podunk with nothing to do. I am still tempted to get some of those weird boots called wellies and traipse the buffalo land just to see up close how they live. Unsure if I would be captured and if there are snakes. Both of those are a deal-breaker

Having pesto pasta and some kind of chops for dinner.

No pictures until I get the laptop back. Dragon did make it back in one piece, just kinda listing to starboard.

With every silver lining there is a black cloud

When we emerged from the train station in Podunk we were surrounded by a loud and crazed mob of men. They were actually in a frenzy, shouting and fighting with each other as they kept gesturing for us to go with them. As we were supposed to be picked up by the supplier I was a bit reticent to go with this mob of heathens anywhere. And a good thing too. They were the red metal over a motorcycle taxi driver drivers looking for a fare. Just as I was in phase 3 of my English Second Language teaching skills a woman approached us and helped to sort this out. Big Daddy was no help, he was on the phone with his guy (who also appears to need my English lessons) and he was starting to have a China meltdown of his own.

Rule one, only one person in the marriage is allowed to melt down at a time. The other one must stay strong and fight off the infidels with all means handy. All I had was a loud cursing voice (James Earl Jones) and an empty container of Mentos. Moving on . . .

We were exuberantly greeted by my number fan, forcefully ushering us inside to enjoy the cups of cold tea and hot towels. I coughed, then had to spend a lot of time explaining that people who are not used to living in highly polluted tend to cough when the delicate nose and throat passages become irritated by all the crap in the air in a semi-developing country. She brought me a special pot of tea made specially by the chef, it was special. Every time I turn around I have special tea. Because I do not have a calloused throat from the particles of shit floating around.

Rule two, just smile and don't try to talk, it will save some of your sanity and you won't have to talk anymore.

We went to dinner and I got another clay figurine, a pig. I love pigs, have for years, especially red pigs. This is a white pig with big red lips. Somehow got involved in ordering a dragon clay creature. For the next night at dinnertime. Went down for breakfast. The fuckers are chasing me around with this fucking dragon that is on a stick. I cannot deal with this shit before coffee.

Went back to the room and waited to see if the IBS would roll the dice and to watch Piers and Anderson as the apartment TV is fucked up and I miss my buds. All was good so I turned on the Make-up room button and went on with my life. At 2 back in the room and no cleaning, so I turn on the privacy sign and get ready to become beautiful again. This takes a lot of work. As I am putting on the magic potions the phone starts ringing. Answer the one in the bath after I get the potions wiped of the fingers and hear: Jabba, jabba, jabba. This continued for 2 more phone calls until I finally got a phone from an English speaker. She told me my DOD was on. That stands for Do not disturb.

Rule three, do not get into a serious discussion with the Chinese unless you have large quantities of wine on hand. Not the crazy stuff, just regular red rotgut.

Went down to dinner and got chased around again by the dragon guy and all the staff. Almost blew and just made it to the table. Told the hostess I needed immediate Hong Jo and towels in the room. And that I was having too much China today. Big Daddy stepped up to the plate after I hit him on the head with my paperback in the elevator and handled it all superbly.

Just before dinner Big Daddy called for towels and soap and water. When we got back he was going to call again but I insisted he go down and just fix it in person. Then the people showed up at our door. Then Big Daddy talked to them. Then I talked to them. Then the manager came up. Then we all talked. Then I showed him the buttons on the wall that and went over the entire time line one more time. And explained about Chinese phone calls to a . . .

Rule number four, paperbacks are better for getting someone's attention and Big Daddy just got a huge complimentary fruit bowl. I got a soggy dragon I am babysitting with the desk light to harden it up for 25 quai and a lot of  bullshit.

Funny of the day: Big Daddy got a new business card today from some guy from Portugal, he is an Engenner and his title is Expert In Sppoting. He said he knew his card had mistakes in spelling but they are very expensive.

Something new I have learned.

I used to be the worst person able to deal with change. It just was not my forte and I usually handled it quite badly. Just went to ground and sulked and then just plodded along until I could come to grips with it. And sometimes that took quite awhile. Now I find I am more of the well, whoever thought this would work out anyway crowd. It is what it is and it usually is quite below my expectations. And my expectations are quite low to start with.

We taxied to Marks&Spencer purveyor of all that is western this Sunday. Before popping in there we went to the Gap. All the new stuff displayed on the amazing story boards is not for sale. Because they don't have any, yet. It is new you see. And they don't have anything new but the pictures of the new stuff. Okay, got it.

The M&S experience was much better as I had not seen their stuff before so it was all new to me. I did however balk at the changing rooms. It was a Chinese free-for-all and I just said no. Will try the stuff on today and Big Daddy can return or throw away what I don't want to keep. I did get to see the Books By Pound seller and the phony CD seller and the Buy The Wallets laying on the ground seller. Could not take pictures as it was raining. All this on the famous Nanjing Lu, pearl of the Paris of the East.

We walked down to TaiKang Lu later in the day and more of the stores are shut down with new business setting up shop. Higher and higher prices and not a lot of  people buying. Went to our favorite restaurant, Casa 13, to find it is no longer Casa 13. Same name but new owners. Did not have a good dinner, the menu is very small, very expensive and not that tasty. Calamari was not crispy and the sauce not tasty, chopped salad was a throw away. Big Daddy had the duck risotto which he said was ok and I had the salmon, 5 out of 10 on a ratings scale. The original wait staff was there and told me only the third day with the menu and we were the first regulars. They did seem concerned we were not happy but in the traditional Chinese manner just could not make it right. "Do you want me to make another"? No, if the first one sucked why would I want a repeat? We were kind and generous, left a nice tip as always and gave the guy a business card, call us if it changes again. This is the fourth restaurant either out of business or no longer worthy of our business in less than a year. The stores seem to change weekly.

So now we have no place normal to eat without a taxi ride. That was the charm, walking to dinner and shopping. So China is upping the carbon footprint by putting locals out of business in the never ending search for higher returns. Gosh darn, who does that sound like? First the diesel generators because they shut the electrical grid down and now this.

Well, tomorrow back to Podunk on the train where you don't expect much except maybe some buffalo shit to rub on your head.

Okay, Punkin Head's favorite, Funnies of the Weekend: Taxi Drivers

First one was a lounge lizard. Black sharkskin suit, crisp as you can get in Shanghai white shirt, no cotton gloves and fancy ass hair. I really wondered if he was subbing for his cousin and the way to his job at the jazz bar.  Until he put the CD in to play, and hummed and smiled and looked into the rearview mirror.

Second guy is normal taking us back to the apartment. When we get to the place where you can see the Mickey D's I go into my Chinese Second Language spiel about how to turn and which way to go. He looks at me and says, you mean turn left.

Vive la France

It was quite shocking but I found a new hairdresser. She is French. And she seems to know hair. And as I always told my boss when he would say "the next one could be worse", sometimes there is no worse. Just as bad, but not worse. I think it will be okay, they use regular products and have shampoo bowls that appear to made this century.

And the best, next door was a kitchen shop and we purchased towels, a zester, a spatter screen, a mini salad greens spinner, and we got a gift of mint leaves.

The only downside is to reach this haven of goodness and light you have to walk 2.something kilometers and go through mini Vietnam. Big Daddy thought he was hilarious when he pointed out they had patio dining. I really did not think 3 people on a broken stool was on par with the French Quarter tables with an umbrella and flowers but BD has been here longer and is losing his touch with reality.

We met this guy last night at the bar and I got the full boatload of how privileged some people are who live here as an ex-pat. He is a director level and yes his wife has a car and driver at her disposal (the driver checks on her frequently when she is out so she does not get lost) she flies home often on the company dime, and get this: she sometimes gives her new girlfriends a ride to the subway on their way home. He said I need to use the subway and my life will improve exponentially. Wife is home now as no one stays in Shanghai during the summer months. Gotta love it. They are from Ohio and my experience tells me they are the only people from Ohio with 2 pots to piss in.

Have to watch our movie tonight as last night we were wanderers and after the bar we bought a clock BD fell in love with and a leopard I fell in love with and ate at a real patio restaurant on Taikang Lu. Will post pictures next week, hope they are not as fuzzy as the last ones.

Whoa

I did not know that antibiotics are also hallucinogenic.

Trying to fix my blog from the blog dead days and the China nights of hell and now it is all discombobulated.

My apologies, carry on.

Life goes on

So many things are confusing. And pissing me off. Why the fuck is some dickwad from CNN traveling the streets of New York looking for the home of the maid in the "Dom and the Maid" story? I call him Dom because I seen his mug on TV so often I feel I know him. Not in that sense. And CNN interviewed a woman from Paris and asked her what the difference is between Paris and the Bronx. If that is not the stupidest thing I have ever heard just call me . . . never mind opening the wine now. We all know there are no real French restaurants in the Bronx.

Took my last Z-pak tablet today so we will see. Need to make appointments for when we go home and will take Punkin Head's advice on finding a doctor that takes this weirdo insurance. Punkin Head is getting ready to return the lease car and until we get home this will be the first time without a vehicle since we were both teenagers. How odd. Of course a rental car when we return will cost more than a lease payment so no party will be had for money saved. Hope we can get a car we can live with and not be pissed off with a ride that sucks. Just another reason I hate this economic meltdown for everyone except Wall Street and the automotive leaches.

Oh and if  I heard things correctly (and that is very dicey here in the communist country) Obama told Israel to fuck off in a very nice way.  Kinda like good luck but I can't help ya, but you need to get your shit together on your own, and the old city is kinda up for grabs, but we love ya. Oh and we told the mean guys not to shoot at you anymore, so its good. Wonder what he is telling Bahrain about the home of the Navy guys. Wonder what Hillary is thinking, I always said she fucked up when she took that job. She was the only person that told him no. Maybe now she can quit and learn how to do her hair or get a brush cut. Whatever.

Now on to me, which is what this blog is all about anyway. I am so pissed off about my hair appointment last Friday I could scream. Of course the extreme sore throat stopped that action, but the thought has been with me all week. What part of blond hair does this bitch not get? I heard about another salon so Big Daddy and I must search the streets for these saviours of white people hair. This is one time that if I can get a better hairdresser I will walk back in the door of Chez Shiity and say look bitch, this is called blond hair and this is called a blow dry. Well she is French and according to Dom ya gotta go to the US to get a blow job.

Ok, new movie for tonight, gotta get dressed and pretend I feel like a human. Maybe dinner out.