Laugh of the day

One of my neighbors, the ones I affectionately refer to as The Clampetts had a political sign in their yard this morning. Number one it is a first for them to express an opinion on anything other than their kids not being the assholes the cops are looking for or why we all object to their spawn carving  up newly laid cement.

Picture Mr. Clampett, kinda overweight big guy, pants to the butt crack. He is usually seen throwing heating and cooling parts out of his truck onto the street at 4 in the morning OR standing around his crappy yard with a beer bottle (same pants) and calling his wife worse things than even I use as swear words. Usually his spawn are standing there and listening to his description of their mother.

Have you guessed who he supports yet? Come on, it is not hard.

Rick Santorum. Huh? Clampett is ape shit crazy. Does he think at any moment in time Rick would not have him shot as the head asshole of all assholes. Clampett supports a man who is the saint of all home schoolers and Clampett can't find his kids most days. And his wife tried to cold cock a cop in the middle of the street.

That was the beginning of the end, when the Clampetts moved into our neighborhood.

What is up on the Internet and Google and Blogger

If I was in China I would be blaming all this crazy ass shit on Mao, but no right here in the USof A this Internet shit has gone crazzzzy. Can't post a comment on Esby's blog and God knows he needs my help to make coffee. Dude, you buy a European coffee maker that does that steam press thing with regular coffee grounds and a grinder thingy for beans and then you can make coffee by the cup at whatever strength you want. My special coffee maker is broken and waiting to go into the shop. European coffee makers are like the European cars, expensive to maintain. But they make the best coffee ever.

All this computer shit changing is pissing me off. And if I could figure out how to take the stupid ID off my Blog I would, this is getting really stupid.

Punkin Head called me today, I think he is fearful I am about to run down the street naked and screaming. He is probably right, I am getting close. I think my expectations of the new and wonderful jobs would be a done deal by now. Gullible and idealistic.

Now I need think about getting a job, getting a dog or getting into a volunteer situation. Job is dicey in case Big Daddy will need to move, can't risk my reputation in that case. Dog is easier but to make that decision right now, it will definitely be a rescue dog, and some of them just can't take the stress of constant moving. Me and the rescue dog running down the street naked is not a good picture. Volunteering could work for the moment, what could happen there? I could lead the crazees down the street.

This is the big election day here in Michigan and it is turning out crazy. One is asking the Dems to vote for his opponent and the other is robocalling from hell. Newt, I think his hanging back at Somerset Mall in the Tiffany store and who the hell knows where Ron Paul is having dinner.

In the Metro Detroit area, Kwame's dad is saying he will not take a deal from the Feds and rat out his son, the Grosse Pointe lady that was  strangled her case is still  sitting and percolating with no arrests, and they are still killing children a couple times a week in the city.

I overslept

Stayed up too late watching the Academy Awards. The Chinese clock stopped working and every time I looked at it I thought, gosh these guys are really moving this show along. I can stay up for the ending, gosh it isn't even eleven. I was doing stuff in between watching and really did not pay that much attention. I was sorry that The Help did not do better and was amazed at how many of the movies I watched in China on illegal DVDs.

The wind is horrible today and the sun just went dim so I am sure we are in for something. I worry now when it is windy, that huge hunk of tree that fell a few years ago still scares me. The injured possum was scary too. I will never forget that bloody possum face.

I still play a few games on FB and I have somehow gained quite a few foreign friends, it is hilarious to see their posts. If I was as curious as Esby I would be translating so I knew what was going on with these folks.

Big Daddy is okay, was happier until Loosie Goosie showed up and got into with him. Guess he told her he was going to tell the world she did not do her job and she was kinda miffed. For once his kinda boss backed him up and this one is gonna get ugly. She forgets he does not work for China, he works for a country in Europe with real food and wine. And everyone refused to go to dinner with her so she and the supplier had their own whirly bird. BD's Project Manager called him and begged him to come to dinner so he did not have to be alone with Loosie. Guess that in addition to the fact she is an asshole, she also smells pretty bad.

I am enjoying the politics but also getting tired of the robocalls. What I cannot believe are the ads on the media, they are so stupid how can anybody believe any of this shit. I guess there are some that either believe them or can be brainwashed over time, otherwise no one would fear them.

More later.

Completely back to normal

Yes, I am now stamping about and bitching and swearing. The true me has returned. I was worried for a minute there and then poof, me.

Things pissing me off:

My dinner sucked. I tried for a rustic potato and sausage dish.

I never said I could cook, but I thought this had possibilities. I started with some onion and garlic, later on I added some Kalamata olives and hot cherry peppers. It just did not work.

I grated some Parmesan to help it out. Too much Parmesan but I  never have worked the grater thing before.

Also pissing me off: every thing is missing. There was no potato peeler. Could not find the grater thing. I am missing almost all of my stuff. This is the new great grater Big Daddy just bought and then he hid it instead of putting it in the proper place.

Of course I brought 8 bags back from China and I also have no clothes. It seems every time I turn around everything I own is missing.  This has been going on for years, missing stuff all the time.

Oh and I looked in the garage, it is a horror story. There was a bike and some odd jumble of things that looked scary. And my pristine jumper cables were on the floor and looked ucky.

I am going to watch the Oscars and root for The Help, and then I will think about all this tomorrow.

I missed garbage day

I used to have the crown, Queen of the garbage bags. I had more than anyone on the street. That was my hobby, counting garbage bags. I tried to reduce the number of bags by using cloth bags to shop and crunching more shit up into smaller bundles of garbage. I still always won.

Well now I cannot find any shopping bags and I missed the truck today, so I know I am gonna win next week.

Punkin Head is very sad, his cat is very sick. He has had this cat since college and this cat is a huge, huge cat with attitude. Poor Eliot has been diagnosed with diabetes and is suffering, his glucose is very high and he will not eat. PH is taking him to another vet (first vet recommended as they do not keep animals on site) for an overnight stay and second opinion.

I feel so bad for him. I have put dogs down and it is very hard.

Back to scrubbing.

Just enough snow to make it slippery and not enough to make it pretty.

Well the hairdresser did miracles, color is great, she took 3 inches off my hair and I look like a new person. Then it started to snow, that heavy, wet, hard and fast snow. Fucked up the roads major. I had to brush off the windows when I left the salon. The I slipped and slid to Trader Joes's for grocery items. Then I skidded to Jerry's. It is hard to remember how to drive, drive a new car, and drive in snow at the same time. Anyway  kinda ruined the hairdo, it still looks okay, but not supermodel hair.  After the initial storm there wasn't much except the roads to deal with, too warm yesterday, nothing is really sticking. It is hovering around freezing and supposed to rain this afternoon so it should be icy for the next 24 hours. 

They remembered Punkin Head at Trader Joe's and the compliments were so nice to hear. He and The Lady did a great job there and I think they are truly missed. 

Punkin Head will be finished with school April 26 and is continuing the job search. He has thought about government work and I am advocating at least applying. He is worried about the background checks and I am laughing, if my niece got in for what she wanted, Punkin Head is good to go for Library Science. After 2 Masters let us hope he can find something he is happy with. I have always thought FBI or CIA would be great for him, but he has no love for statistics and those jobs are heavy on the numbers data. 

I've got to say the rubber gloves Big Daddy got me are the best ever. I am not a fan of work gloves and these are great. 

BD is still dealing with the jet lag but he has some jolly Germans and a Brit to keep him entertained. He tipped a U.S. quarter by mistake and the butler was over the moon. We gave our waiter in New Orleans a coin Yuan and he loved it. 

Well, back to scrubbing until it is time to Skype BD when he gets up. 

I forgot how to make the bed

The only thing the Ayis did that helped me out was make the beds, change the towels and take out the trash.

I need to change the sheets. I did strip the bed and then stared at the clean sheets. For some reason I seem to have tons of sheets. I mean more sheets than any one person needs. Why do I own all these sheets and when the hell did I buy them?

Big Daddy has been gone 2 and 1/2 years and the preceding 2 years were shitty for finances, so at some point 5 or 6 years ago I must have decided that sheets were something I needed a shit load of. I am not going to go through the sheets today, just make the bed and finish washing clothes to wear to the hairdresser tomorrow. But at some point I need to organize this shit.

It is funny wandering around the house. The kids did some things I find strange and I am finding things I forgot about in strange places. I wonder how much of my view on this is what has changed in the house or how much I have changed. I know living in China changed my life in many ways, maybe now I am seeing things from the past that I don't have any connection with anymore. There is a corner of the counter in the kitchen that I always put a decorative vignette, it took me a few days to remember why that area looked so strange, then I remembered Easter, I have an Easter vignette. Now I am thinking do I really want to put that shit out and where would I even find it? And I have to put the Thanksgiving away.

Okay, gotta put my rubber gloves back on and get busy.