No good deed goes unpunished

I collect jewelry and one the types is gutta percha. It is commonly mourning jewelry from the Victorian era made of early resin. I read something recently that reminded me of a lovely gutta percha brooch I gave my mother for Christmas one year. This was before she became a born again Jew and stopped celebrating pagan holidays. Anyway I called to ask her if she had kept the brooch.

Well, she was not at home as she was running the kitchen for the bingo game in her neighborhood. Mr. RV answered the phone and wanted to talk so I listened for quite a while. No skin off my nose and he seemed to want to talk to someone new. Today is a big day for them, he is going into the hospital for a real crappy test so I said don't worry about me, tell mom to call me this weekend.

Mom called anyway. We chatted about the brooch, yes she has it. Then the line went dead. I did not think much about, it happens once in a while. There is something wrong and we never have figured out the problem. I locked up and went on to bed. Big Daddy was in Chicago so just me and Sammy home alone.

I awakened suddenly to a loud knocking on my front door. I am terrified, who is knocking on my door at 9 pm. I went into the living room and there is a man staring into my house, he is standing on the front porch. He sees me and then shines a flashlight onto his police badge. I have to go turn off the alarm and I opened the door to this nice policeman who knows my name (probably from last time) and he asks if I am okay. You see, my mother called the police to tell them my phone quit working and told them to come to my house and see if I am okay. Yep, mom called the cops.

I called my mom and explained to her about calling on my mobile phone if she was worried. For some reason she lost the number. Though it might not have mattered, remember when she called the land line and screamed to answer (thinking it was the cell phone) when she was lost in New Orleans?

At least the police did not break the glass out this time.

There is no read more, I hit that button wondering what it would do and I can't get rid of it.

Let Me Tell You A Story About a Man named Jed

The house 2 doors down had the most beautiful roses I have ever seen in my life. They were huge, tall, lush and bloomed all summer. Gorgeous. A very old lady lived there and the lawn boy (mowed until he was 22) took care of the yard. Now the lawn boy, using his own equipment, mowed, weed whacked, edged, removed the debris and did leaf cleanup in the fall for $10.00 a week. This was in the late 90's. Big Daddy gave him a $2.00 raise after a few years. He did 4 or 5 houses and made his gas money. Took him a couple of hours.

Well, the old lady died, lawn boy retired, the Al Quedas were living next door and ta-da . . .the Clampetts moved in. Mr. Al Queda sold them the house. The house was dated but clean and neat. Well the first thing Jed did was to have Mrs. Clampett (Jed never does outdoor work) put Playschool Plastic all over the front yard. Under the HUGE 50 foot tall Crimson Maple was a sand box, picnic table, and a plastic disc attached to the tree for swinging. This in a 30 x 30 yard.

The first thing the darling children did was to completely trample a 12 x 3 spring bulb and flower bed while trying to tear down the neighbors decorative white picket fence. Then there was no grass left in the playground. So there were 2 mud holes that spring, but thankfully they dried up to just plain dirt in time for the Clampetts first and last annual Memorial Day party. Well as the guests began arriving the Clampetts soon realized they had no outdoor seating. Problem solved-they took the Al Queda's furniture off their brand new deck. By the way, they kept it and Mr. Al Queda was afraid to ask for it back. (More on that another time)

Since the seating problem was solved they now moved on to the entertain issue. See, they had another problem. They could not entertain in their backyard as they had never mowed the grass and a fishing boat was back there, as was most of their clothing and eating utensils. So they set up a horse shoe throwing contest on the boulevard section of their lawn-creeping into the neighbors houses on both sides. They placed the stolen chairs and the beer cooler on the sidewalk and they were good to go. Unfortunately so was the neighbors BBQ. So now you got the guys in suits and ties trying make their way thru the horse shoe contest. Thank goodness Jed lost the boat in the friendly betting game. Had to use the Al Queda driveway to get the boat in and out, but I sure Mr. Al Queda didn't mind as he confiscated my driveway once.

The Clampetts then decided to renovate. This involved removing their window screen and some of their siding. Months later there were reports of the Clampett children sitting on the lower roof naked outside the windows with no screens. Then the tree died.

Well we were fedded up as my French colleagues say. Someone overheard Jed saying he would buy a keg and get his buds to take down the tree. NO NO NO. City explained about permits and restriction. Cost him $2,500.00. Then most of his appliances ended up in his driveway. Garage door not closed for weeks. Neighborhood was simmering. Then Mrs. Clampett disappeared. Permit stuck to the door to allow work done on the premises. Permits have a limit and on the last day everyone was poised to go to the city. The only reason we were worried about Mrs. Clampett is that no one mowed the weeds since she left. We were hoping she left an abusive relationship. Jed is rather vocal in his opinions of others, including his family, usually swearing his head off.

Well the house got finished, kinda, Mrs. Clampett came back, the police are there off and on, and the children are now the ring leaders of the hooligans. Once I heard Mrs. Clampett asking the police why no one tells her of the problems. We are all terrified of them.

Tomorrow, bumps in the night and the sidewalk wars.