What a Debacle

There will be no pictures, frankly I scared myself when I looked in the mirror, Big Daddy is still Rudolf and I am so not happy.

We got a late start today and it went downhill from there.

We went to the basement movie store. There was this guy standing in front of the new releases. The table is 3 feet wide. And a rather tall large man was standing front and center looking at the movies. There aren't that many movies to look at on the table. Well, I peeked and peered around him as best as I could and then yep, the devil came out. I asked him if he was going to buy all the movies. When he said no, I asked him if it would kill him to let someone take a look at the table. I swear I did not use a bad word. We got MoneyBall and One Day with Anne Hathaway.

Next we went to exchange a jade necklace BD got me for Christmas week. It was too expensive for how much I liked it. Not much. Well of course we could only exchange. Although BD did get a bit off the necklace and then I got a bit off one of the bracelets so it was okay. Got 2 bracelets and I have no clue if they are worth anything. I do not know diddly about Jade.

So then BD insisted we go to Marks&Spencer as they have clothes for fat people. Now really, I was regular normal size when I got here. People thought I weighed less than I did. Normal size U.S. 10/12. I am short, almost 5'4", really just a smidge under. So I am curvy and a little, maybe a lot top-heavy. So I have gained 15 pounds in the almost 2 years I have been here. So I would now call myself pudgy bordering on plump. I am not the hugest person out there. I tried on every damn coat in that crappy store and the only thing I can figure is every well off  cheap white bitch with a driver got there first. Because a size 10 in British sizes was the largest I could find. Then I found a little bigger and then a little more bigger. I don't know if those assholes know sizes but I finally found the last biggest ass coat in the store, and it was the only one not on sale. BD found me in tears, when I told him the size he said he would cut the tag out.

Now since I worked mostly with men I know size does not matter, and six inches is huge,  I am thinking that explains the British sizing. And BD says we can return it for wine and chutney. Because Mr. Bigger Bigger called and he has found me a coat. And since he has no sizes, only bigger bigger, this could work.

However, this tale gets sadder and sadder. We could not get a taxi to Mr. Bigger and Bigger. It seems that Friday night is the worst time ever to get a taxi. We walked from Marks&Spencer to the Portman Center and during that time we had at least 6 phony (or black taxis) stop and try to pick us up, 4 motorcyles trying to get us as customers, and one real taxi that offered to take us on a 14 rmb fare for 50 rmb (which we should have taken and then stiffed him) and the guy on a lawnmower disguised as a red metal cart.

I did however meet a sweet little girl who spoke English. Her mother only spoke Chinese but kept encouraging the girl to talk to me. She was 7. And when they gave up on the taxis she told me goodbye and we wished each other Happy New Year.

I should be as thin as when I first arrived

Because I laugh my ass off every day.

Meat counter at the Butchery

Based on the standing rib roast I went with Big Daddy for a return visit to the butcher. That is the cleanest place I have seen in China. I mean spotless. The butcher said it was a slow day, well we bought around 60 bucks U.S. worth and while we were there 2 Euro trash came in and proceeded to call everyone they knew. Don't think it will be slow for long. I got a decent red wine for around 7 bucks and that is unheard of. The butcher told me they sell a ton of it and I thought, yea well TJ's sells a bunch of 2 buck Chuck too. But really it was decent.

The taxi driver screwed us over taking the long way there, so I decided to walk for a bit and figure it out. We were on this street that I think is the new Fuxing Lu for clothes. I found a place that had coats in front. It was down a short path and so we went inside. I asked for bigger. The tried every coat in the joint on me. They were all too small. The 2 peeps running the store did get one coat zipped up. I could not move but they were both so pleased. The conversation was pretty much them speaking Chinese and my saying bigger, bigger. I did buy a sweater. It was normal sized it was just cut for roominess and having bosoms. 

The street ended at Shaanxi just a block or so up from the City Market, not bad for a walk and evidence the taxi was trying to convince us he had driven us to Beijing.

Funny of the day: Remember the recent job interview, well it was with a head hunter firm not the hiring company, they are on holiday. The head hunter firm was so impressed with Big Daddy they want to shop him around. In order to do this they need a picture of him. The man with a huge red scab on his nose from the grease splatter. There are no pictures of BD that do not display fun and frivolity as the old camera died and we left the card in the U.S. I am thinking bare minerals makeup.

Time is running out on the home leave

Just back from the last scheduled dental visit. I have this hunk of metal shit cemented to my teeth wire a spring on the side. The spring rubs my tongue. So I have packs of wax I have to roll up and mush it over the metal and spring. So pretty much I have a glob of wax on the side of my mouth. I can't wait to try to buy this in Shanghai.

Went to the store to buy fat people clothes and the good news is that everyone is my exact size of fatness so I am average fat. The bad news is there were no clothes left as the other average fat women bought them out. WTF.

Got a new hairdo this morning and hair lady approved my new color.

Big Daddy has a meeting in the morning so I don't need to rush and then we can go to the bookstore and the drugstore for odds and ends. Punkin Head got us some great books but the are older and not books I want to leave in China so those must stay home.

I know I should not be doing this right now but I have been following the AF447 crash and reading the transcripts from the final minutes. It is damn scary how those pilots handled that incident and how out of touch they seemed. Some of the pilots on the website I read are astonished that this could happen. You better believe I will be eye-balling my pilots when I get on the plane back to China.