What a Conundrum

Meaning I have an intricate and difficult problem. Yep, I need to vent about the IBS again.

I admit I have gained weight and need larger clothes. The problem is the bloating that accompanies IBS. Fatter people have bigger bloating than thinner people and in my opinion it is because there is just so much more of you to bloat. I am not sure if bloating is a factor in what one weighs and I attempted to do an experiment on that today.

Here why this is so important to me. Remember the too big jeans that were exchanged for the next size down? Yesterday when I went to the bathroom they just pulled right down. Now I don't remember jeans ever pulling right down, and I mean the buttoned was still buttoned and the zipper was still zipped. I used to wear pants with some elastic type give in the waist to accommodate the bloating and they would come on down without the zippers and buttons on most days. But jeans? Never. Now these jeans have a tad of stretch but not that much. And I wore them a couple times but really. Then today the same thing. Then I ate lunch. Cottage cheese, normal lunch. And then the stomach went south. The bloating began, the cramping and the uncomfortable feeling.

On a whim I decided to weigh myself. According to my scales I have gained 10 pounds in one month and my pants are practically falling off. That just does not seem right. Now I am wondering if red hair dye weighs more than blond hair dye. It is darker.

Big Daddy just called and some asshole in Mexico crashed his tool and now BD has to go Grand Rapids and check something out so he won't be coming home tonight. Hope he remembered to always have a change of clothes or at least underpants in his car. That is the one thing I hated about automotive, everything is an emergency. And he got in so much trouble that time he went to Canada and showed the border guards  his underpants to prove he was spending the night.

We are in crisis mode here,

Big Daddy has no underpants. Well he has a couple pair but they are dirty. Someone came into his world and stole his underpants. It had to be a conspiracy as the underpants had to be stolen in different locations. And the last thieves had to steal the dirty underpants. Eeeew.

Did you ever notice that men don't like to call them underpants? They call them underwears, which make no sense, although it is plural. Or they call them undershorts which only applies if you are wearing shorts. Or they call them briefs and boxers-which is product specific. I would never be that specific about my underpants.

We also had to have a talk this morning about the fact that we are not hillbillies or red-necks. This means that   we do not go around barefoot. Especially outdoors. Even more importantly if we have really really really ugly feet. Big Daddy knows if I had seen those feet 35 years ago there may have been a change in plans on that fateful nuptial day.

So Big Daddy has to bite the bullet and run out to the store when his underpants finish drying and buy panties, and socks and slippers. Socks because that is our next conversation and slippers because he has finally run out of the hoarded Chinese free slippers.

Clothes wise BD is very low maintenance.