Beautiful Weather

Tri-color European Beech tree in my front yard in Michigan

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The cookie lady's front yard, the only yard she has.

The terrible storms we had sent a lightening strike down in the heart of the city and hit an electrical box, so there is no electricity in the stores. This is sidewalk sale weekend and many stores cannot play, they are dark and closed.

Went to lunch today at the Woodbridge Pub by the Wayne State football field and it was a fun thing to do. Good food, reasonable prices and time spent with Punkin Head. Went to Brooks Brothers for Big Daddy to get some clothes, still needs some shirts but I remembered the handkerchiefs, a must in China with the heat, mop your head equipment.

Thursday we went to Somerset and I got some fat clothes and we had lunch with my BBF, don't I sound just like Paris Hilton, and I saw that even tho I am fat I am not the fattest, by far. And tramps here dress just like Chinese tramps, they will just never be that thin and still have some muscles. I saw one really thin girl with no muscles in her arms and calves and I thought, shit I could snap you like a twig. I do not understand why they think that look is so attractive.

Teeth still hurt pretty bad, I am starting to worry. Rinsing with salt water, don't know if that is a good thing or just an old wives tale. Whatever.

Going to visit MIL tomorrow so I am glad I saved the best pain pills. Just joking but it is a horrible car ride. And I am taking wine. Punkin Head picked out 2 reds, a Tribunal from Sonoma County and one called Los Vascos, a Cabernet from Chile, we will see tomorrow.

Big Daddy has to do steaks Monday as that is the last day I can chew, I am excited.

More Toilet stories

This is Eliot, Punkin Head's other cat, the cat from Hell, and I have the scratches to prove it.

Well as usual when I arrived home there were problems with the house. The toilet I had rebuilt a few months ago would not flush. And it needed a new seat and lid. The toilet in the basement was auditioning for a horror movie. The lights in the laundry room were both haunted and loose.

Big Daddy jumped in to tackle the problems and proved he still needs me. He did quite well on his chores until he got to the replacement toilet seat. He took it off and then informed us we would have to be Chinese people if we had bodily function needs. I then inquired as to what the hell he thought he was doing. He was going to put new hardware on the old toilet seat. This is a wooden seat purchased about 15 years ago. Of course I told him that was the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. Then we heard a lot of noise in the basement, kinda like power tool noises. Then he came upstairs and told me he was going to buy a new toilet seat. Then Mr. Color Blind went to the smallest little store in town and bought a pink seat that is too big for a peach 1950's toilet. So I went to pee and could not flush the toilet. Big Daddy says I do not know how to flush the toilet properly. Now I will admit I have a Toto toilet in China (best toilet in the world) but come on, I have been flushing for a good many years. Now it takes a goodly amount of force to flush this toilet. I am predicting new toilet pieces in the near future.

Teeth are killing me so more pain pills have been consumed. I am supposed to go shopping tomorrow, we will see.

Oh and the car Sync did not work on BD's phone.

It just keeps on

Punkin Head's cat, Noir, in real life she has yellow green eyes. She will rub against you but you are not allowed to pick her up. That is a big no-no.

Dental visit went to hell real quick. The area is too raw and angry for work and the dentist is kinda of a DENTAL GOD, he cannot understand why this is painful and then his assistant leaned down and told me he has never has any dental work and therefore does understand pain. And his father pulled his own teeth.

Big Daddy is on the phone to Delta Airlines to schedule me back  to land of propaganda on his flight. They fucked up the flights so they should pay for me to go home, this is of course thinking like a proper government type official. Obama screwed up the Bachorlette on regular television last night with his speech. That pissed me off, we know it is fucked up, get off the TV and fix it.  I have never seen the Bachorlette on a real TV screen before and I was amazed, people look different on a real TV.  My local TV news station people all look like they just returned from filming "Night of the Living Dead", these folks need a skin care regime.

BD leased a new car, Ford Fusion, Grey, and it is okay. Fits and Finish are not a 10 and the seals are an embarrassment. BD likes it and it has some program I cannot spell so that your phone works. As I am here 6 weeks a year and my primary phone is a Chinese piece of shit I am not that enamored of this feature. BD however is ranting about me going to get my phone "cynced", I am more "whatever".

BD cooked soft food for dinner in honor of my dental horrors, trout and fingerling potatoes and asparagus. Also Caprese salad. Could not chew the tomatoes. Best part was talking to Punkin Head and somehow we got on his trips out west for school (middle and upper school), this was part of his Earth Science program. He went to Alaska on one trip and pulled up in front of Caesar's Palace in a yellow school bus on another trip. I am begging him to write a guest post as he is an accomplished writer and much funnier than I am.

Oops, need another antibiotic and pain pill. Talk to you later.

Home again, home again, jiggity jig

In the end we had to send Punkin Head to the market and instead of a fat pig we opted for wheat pasta with a light sauce. Because I cannot chew the steak I was looking forward to with all the stitches in my mouth. If you have never been awake while someone sewed up your mouth it is super creepy. And I needed 3 extra shots. Good news is the bone actually grew over my implant it was so healthy in there. Bad news is it hurts.

Just made it to the appointment as there were plane delays. We had to sit on the "alley" right in front of our gate at Detroit as there were only 2 Marshallers and we required 3. We sat on the ground at the gate in Shanghai for 45 minutes because Beijing called "an ATC" due to a flow problem. These are just not usually problems with International flights. Also took forever to get the bags in Detroit, that is due to Delta just not having enough staff.

Oh yes, saw a guy trying to get his Rimowa luggage off the carousel. No axe marks but it was so sleek and slippery he had to chase it half way around the carousel to get it off. The bags kept slipping out of his fingers. There were no porters in Detroit.

Passing Time

As we all know I have nothing to do as I am supposed to be flying across the ocean right now, I read a new book today. Okay, I got up in the middle of the night. That is what I do when I mentally shift to US time zones, I automatically start preparing.

The book is Confessions Of A Failed Southern Lady by Florence King, it is truly a hoot. I laughed until I cried and frankly I was glad I was not reading this on a plane as I am sure they would have put those plastic tie straps on me. Seriously, I had tears running down my face.

If you are from the south you will get it all, if you know nothing about the south it won't matter. Every family the world over has wacko's and generally the same type of lunatics. There is true love in this book, this family actually likes and loves one another. My only disappointment was there was not one, "Bless her heart".

We had to get McDonald's for breakfast as we have no food here. I have not had McDonald's in 15 years. It will be another 15 if all goes well. It was barely acceptable.  I think we are ordering German for late lunch and who knows what for late supper. Gotta watch the food for the IBS thing, not good when you are flying.

Bad thunderstorm this afternoon. Not good. Big hi-speed train accident, people died. Not good. China says lightening struck the train and then havoc ensued. One train ran over another train and they fell off the elevated tracks. Not good. China will never ask for help or advice in engineering for the future and I really believe they feel a few casualties are no big deal in the grand scheme of things. These people cannot provide safe drinking water in their major cities and so they move on to providing unsafe train travel for their citizens.

If Piers says one more time how great China is I am personally gonna bop him in the nose and make him drink the fucking green water.

Delta Airlines just ruined my tooth implant

I have scheduled this entire home leave, as everyone calls it, around finishing my dental implant. This requires 4 appointments with me and the dentist and the oral surgeon. Delta just cancelled my flight as once again one of the crappy 747's could not fly. So I am going home a day late and a dollar short. How do these cretins think I am going to reschedule 4 appointments on Monday when I get home after missing the first one?

And the asshats put me in the worst seat on the next plane a day later with no other elites in any of the other seats. Thank you for your loyalty. I do have status on your scrotus, stolen word, airline and you promised to treat me like a piece of shit, shit at least gets bagged and discarded in a proper manner.

So my phone call only got me moved up to the rest of the budget people seats somewhat better than the pauper seats. And now I have to rent a car or take a taxi home which makes my fucking budget ticket about on par with the United ticket I turned down as too expensive because Big Daddy's company will only pay for cargo tickets. I am pissed.

Maybe this is God's way of telling me I do not need this dental implant. Maybe I am just not being realistic about the world. Maybe I should just get over myself and teach pauper children to wash their hands. Although that is not allowed in China, you need a work permit for that kind of helping hands.

Delta Airlines sucks and ruined this entire trip home. They have cost me money and self esteem. They have insulted and treated me like shit on numerous occasions. The last time I flew here from Detroit they did not want me to use the Elite check-in line. I don't know why, I was cleaner than they were, I had a hair-do, jewelry and wore clothes that were not raggedy, unlike the Delta reps. I spoke English , they spoke Valley Girl, in sing-song. Okay I am getting petty now. They were nasty girls, it took me 15 minutes to get service ( I was the only one in line) and they never said sorry, or glad to have you fly Delta, or geez, I wish I wasn't an asshat bitch.

I am sure there is more to follow.

Out and About

Waiting for Big Daddy at the corner. One guy moved, he thought I was bad luck I am sure.

Had to finish up some chores before we leave so we went swimming through the pea soup of Shanghai. Wasn't so much hot as humid as hell. Got my roots touched up and this time it only took an hour and a half, pretty good for China. Of course as soon as I walked out the door the hair do flopped.

We went to the rabbit warren to drop off books and get Big Daddy some coffee for when he returns. I found some bracelets for my buddies and unbelievably a black dress. This store was having a sale and as their were no other customers the store clerk urged me to come in and try it on. Probably because it was the biggest dress in the store. It is black linen and very loose and lightweight, perfect for sweating your ass off in. And Michigan is hot right now.

Funny of the day:

When we returned to the apartment two Chinese girls were on the veranda and one was singing to the other one, "Somewhere Over The Rainbow". WTF, that bitch has never seen a rainbow in China-that involves sunshine. Almost as good as the taxi driver that sang the Tennessee Waltz to Big Daddy on the way to the train station.

Gotta finish packing. Will pick this up back in the states.