Jolene, please come get this asshat

Lily dog is crying for her cookies.

Fed ex destroyed the box and sent it back to me. It was not that bad, they should have called and I would have sent it on. Now it is repacked and on its second journey to Florida. This is not the way it was shipped and I now have spent a fortune to send some dog cookies BFE, Florida.

Well the garbage people are not wearing masks, not staying 6 feet apart and are high-fiving each other. WTF is there to high five about garbage.

Big Daddy finally got some dirt. He is happy. He washed my front window, I am happy.

So Gretchen, the GOV has shut us down to the end of May and the legislature is gonna sue her. And all the farmer's markets are opening this month but I think it is illegal to shop at them. Gretch keeps saying she is saving lives but that was never the point, the point was not to overwhelm the hospitals. If I have to stay in the house until the virus is gone or there is a vaccine I could be here a damn long time.

And Dolly Parton is wrong, if BD doesn't quit trying to piss me off I am gonna pay Jolene to come get his ass.

Packages galore

My dining room table is stacked high with packages.

Some are spring clothes.

Some are automotive parts.

I hope I can figure out where this shit is supposed to go, this is getting scary.

Oh there is some wrinkle cream in there too, that I need.

We are busy making an Easter menu, so far we have popovers for breakfast, Ina Garten's roasted nuts and puff pastry for snacks, experimental fried pickles for fun. Dinner will be a Dearborn ham and perhaps a souffle. I need to round out the side dishes and decide on a dessert. Big Daddy used to make a white chocolate creme brulee that was lovely. Must have early peas and maybe asparagus if it looks promising.

And we must get the gas station Easter Lily, Hydrangea, and excellent wine. Making the list so I will not forget anything.

I should get an Easter outfit, we will see.

The adventures of Big Daddy

Big Daddy had to return to West BFE this week as they are not capable of making car parts that meet the agreed upon specifications. That is because their machine will not run. They are not quite sure why. The guy who would be sure why does not work weekends or Mondays. In an attempt to placate BD they told him a part for the machine was ordered Monday. As they did not know why the machine would not work and the machine fixer guy was not there this seemed fishy. Upon review of the tracking number it was discovered the number would not be active until late Tuesday in Germany, well it seemed all their talk was hooey.

The next bunch of malarky was trying to keep BD and his comrades under lock and key, not allowing them to freely wander the facility looking for scrap and repair and containment. They wanted him to stay in the conference room and wait for them to report in and be late for meetings. Ha, BD did not fall off the turnip truck this week. He waited until the three headed dog went on break and asked the replacement dude to bum a smoke. Then he went to the back door where all the smokers hung out and asked for a light. Quick as a wink he told them it was too cold too smoke and traded the cig for entry in the back door of the shop.

Sauntering about the shop floor what should he spot but his main contact screwing around on Facebook. As he snapped the dude's photo with his Blackberry BD's comrade almost peed his pants laughing.

The moral of the story, idle hands are the devil's playthings.

I was the devil as I had to remind BD of the cig to get in the back door. He is much too kind to remember this kind evil. He is more apt to show up first thing or at lunch with food. That also works and when you friendly up with the worker bees they will tell you all the intel you need.

We are getting down to the wire

Big Daddy babbled his information to me this morning on Skype. That is what I call BD talking before I am awake, babble. Sometimes he does it all day long. That is what other people call talking and what I call, too much information. Except when I don't listen well and have to keep saying "what did you just say"?

Well, he said he may be coming home next week. He also told me that he got a very odd call from Human Resources about his end date to his service contract. Someone fucked up. Sounds like they were (they being the Chinese owners)  planning on ending his contract without notice. So either the Chinese are taking over earlier than everyone thought or the US is not protecting their expats. And BD thinks his boss is in the dark and prolly gonna be cut too.

Fed Ex offer just left Memphis this morning so that is not gonna arrive on Friday and the other offer should arrive via email Monday-ish. The other offer is also being sent overnight to me. Big Daddy checked and can use his FF miles to get home next week. It is time to end this nightmare.

Found my gold ball earring. Made cheeseburgers last night, it was a disaster. I have to take out the garbage again.

Those of you who pray, please do so. Those of you who don't, please think good thoughts. Those of you who are ugly asshats, there is a job that now pays shit waiting for you in China. Oh yea, BD's company hired a new person this morning that someone is supposed to train. Hilarious.

Random Things

You always want what you can't have, girls with straight hair want curly, short men want to be tall and Chinese men want a slightly overweight blond. Four guys tried to pick me up in the span of 10 minutes while I was standing on the sidewalk waiting for Big Daddy. And yes, they were all scary looking.

Watched a lady (during the 10 minutes) scoot after her dog trying to stick a torn piece of newspaper under his ass as he was trying to take a shit. She was successful.

I think I know why I am gaining weight, I wear flat shoes. All the skinny bitches wear very high heels and wicked platforms. Only the fat girls wear flats. I am thinking I need Laboutins, but I can't walk in them so how does that help with the fat?

Shenzhen is banning, really banning not the previous faux ban, electric bikes as they are dangerous. Hope someone told Fed Ex and DHL.

China is giving tax breaks on electric cars. But since they shut off the electricity on a regular basis you will need a diesel generator to charge up your car.

I saved the best for last.

In order to stop unnecessary Metro (subway for the yanks) trips they are raising the price during peak travel times.  I need to ponder what would necessitate making an unnecessary Metro trip during peak travel times when I hear that is your best shot of getting squished like a bug.

Late breaking news, BD reports he is on site at the job that is way behind on their timing. He is there to find out why. He is walking around with a flashlight. Gotta love it.