Sunday, May 31, 2009

Saying Goodbye

Our next door neighbor Grandma died today. They just took her away. She was around 96.
Rest in Peace Grandma, she lived a long and happy life. Recently she was fine, like a last hoorah.

She was about the feistiest old lady I have ever met next to my own grandma, Ruby Begonia. She never held back an opinion, ignored what she found offensive, or lightened up if it was offensive to her. She was a hoot.

Her grandson has been planting flowers, mowing, edging, hanging flowers-whatever-for a week. To make her happy. Her yard was one of her vanities-she watched over it like a hawk.

She had a very loving family and she will be missed.

Dueling Hounds and Housekeeping

Personal Regimens are changing the longer I am off work. Used to be the first thing was turn on the radio so I could keep up with the news while getting ready for work. This was a music, family talk station so you didn't have to try to hard. Nowadays sometimes the radio does not go on for hours. So I hear noises, every noise in the world. I've always been a scardy cat and thinking about living alone amplifies my fears.

Now I have been here alone before when Big Daddy traveled and I am somewhat used to being jumpy. I try to justify the noises as they were always there, you just didn't hear them because of the radio. However lately joining the creaking and moaning I have heard a machine gun (aka Woody the Woodpecker) people being attacked (aka nuthatch, goldfinch, and blue jay) and a werewolf (aka the BeagleDog). This morning I had to accept the noise was probably not a werewolf as it was daylight-but something definitely horrible was happening outside. So I made Big Daddy go do recon. Alone. Well lo and behold it was a naturally occurring phenomena-BeagleDog being a beagle. WTF.

Big Daddy: It's the beagle.
Sweetie Pie: What is wrong, what in the world happened, are the police coming?
Big Daddy: No, it's the beagle.
Sweetie Pie: Why is he making that awful noise, what is wrong.
Big Daddy: Nothing is wrong, beagles make that noise.
Sweetie Pie: Why?
Big Daddy: It is what beagles do. They bay.

Oh hell to the no. Ain't gonna be no beagle baying all the time. Nope. Not gonna happen. Then Big Daddy says that GrrDog howling can be heard across the street. I don't think so, my 4 and a half pound poodle cannot be heard across the street. Oh yea, said Big Daddy. Then I remembered one day a long time ago. I was on the computer and I heard this painful, awful, terrifying noise. I raced to the dining room to save GrrDog from lions and tigers and bear, oh my, I found him curled up in his bed with his little head lying on the cushy arm. He was smiling at me. The little fucker did not move, did not sit up, did not exert one iota of energy to make more noise than could be believed. He snuggled down and howled like a banshee for no other reason than because he could. Guess I should shut up.

Our Bissel hand held steamer we got a few months ago (when we were working) is the best cleaning tool I have ever seen. Cleans without chemicals in a lot of places. Soap scum in the tub, gone. We have aluminum windows in the family room, cleaned perfectly. The floor unit does the job better than the Swifter without any solution, just water. However you cannot steam a plastic shower curtain liner. Nope, won't work.

No Detroit new news today so I have to go with Honda. Now, if you know me you know I am not real fond of Japanese cars. I just can't get over the Pearl Harbor thing. But looking at their ad in the NYT magazine I had to crack up. Their ad showing how efficient the car is (Accord EX-L) points out an H on the wheel, shiny chrome window trim, and power windows. Now wait a minute-this is beyond stretching. A logo on a wheel helps how? Chrome versus stainless steel is better for what, and why is that? And when was the last time you saw a car with manual windows. Once, at Plant Loco, when they asked me how to control glass stall I mentioned manual windows. Didn't go over real big. Oh and guess what else, Honda has discovered red paint and apparently that helps overall efficiency in some obscure way. I always thought red cars help you get a traffic ticket.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Ob La Di Ob La Da Life goes on

Punkin Head is moving this weekend, Big Daddy is doing yard work, GrrDog tries to make a friend and I am having hot flashes. Completely normal Saturday.

Well, Punkin Head is following family tradition of being his own person. He is moving into an apartment over a funeral home in New York City. I can't even walk into my mother's house where my dad and grandma died. And he is in love. Gotta get more information there soon. I have been holding back on asking too many questions but I am getting antsy for more info.

Big Daddy is cleaning up the outside, cutting down ivy and vines, edging and all the nasty work that needs doing in case he has to leave for this new job. Keeps him busy and he has lost 10 pounds since he was Rif'd. It was all the bagels and lunches. But his farmer jeans are now really baggy in the butt.

Big Daddy is in love with the BeagleDog across the street. It is a big beagle mix and always wags his tail. GrrDog met BeagleDog today and they did the de rigueur butt sniff and GrrDog wagged his tail (not normal) and BeagleDog walked away. GrrDog got stiffed by a mutt.

Hot flashes are bad and I spontaneously burst into tears, not sure if it is menopause or terror of the future. Probably a combination.

Talked to one of my Plant Loco peeps yesterday and she hasn't heard squat tho rumors are abundant. She was in the hospital for a bladder infection and puffed on her ecig and 4 people went home and ordered them. The media is speculating that GM may shut down Orion Assembly and keep D-Ham open. That probably means either Stella or myself gets let go. WTF. Her husband has a pension and mine is un-employed. I and have heard nothing on my resumes. No one is hiring in the US. period. And until some plants start building cars again I guess we all are in the same boat. Sinking.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Now I remember why I hate Comcast

The entire day has been devoted to our Comcast experience. We had to give up our real and true proven service providers and go with Comcast as we are now broke and must get by until we move to tent city. However, we may never know we need to move as COMCAST does not provide what I would call complete service. They suck. Less than 6 hours and everything is fucked up. I knew it would happen.

I hate the Comcast mf//////

On a happier note, the cookie lady put down huge bark chips on the mud holes so now the chips will flow onto the sidewalk with the mud.

Detroit news, Visteon and Metaldyne both filed bankruptcy today. I hope this does not effect Big Daddy's maybe offer but it does validate everyone new on the Marvin program. Two Penny Jenny was on the news saying how hard she worked for Michigan and pumping up John Cherry. If Michigan does not get a normal, real, non-bullshit person to run for any office in this state I think maybe they should put the Gitmo people here-get more trash from Ontario-and shut down the Matty bridge for the gambling Canadians. Right now everything sucks.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I got out of the house today

Went to the doctor first. Got right in went to room #2 and stopped dead in my tracks. There were about 6-8 syringes attached to plastic tubing up to about what looked like 14 inches long. I thought I would pass out. For goodness sake I am only here for an ultrasound. Well, when the tech noticed I was close to hysteria she explained, "Oh, those aren't for you". Further discussion explained those are for prostrate tests. Oh, my. I don't want to know why some were 1 inch and some very, very long. Ouch.

Then I went to the Social Security Office in the hood. It was close, Big Daddy was with me, and it was raining. Rain sometimes keeps the crack heads off the street. It wasn't too bad. There were only 2 crazy people. The first I am just not sure, but he loved the restroom. He left when the security guard came back. He was on his cell phone the entire time. The second guy pleaded to borrow my umbrella to close the windows on his car. Now it was raining pretty hard when I came in and this was as I was leaving. I gave it to him because I wanted to see this car that it was OK to leave the windows down in a Cat 3 but a Cat 4 demanded they be rolled up.

To put the cherry on the sundae I thought I might as well stop by Michigan Works on my way home and register my resume. Now I have a pretty damn good resume. Michigan Works does not want it. They want a resume a grade school child could fill out. Is that because of the filers or the readers of the resumes? And once again they would not take my password and the peep had to fix it for me. This after the scary dude said he was an accomplished fire bomber and might need to continue on that path. I did not turn around. There were some grim people at that office today.

Funny of the day:

NYT Crossword clue for COBOL was Y2K. (I knew the answer because my brother was one of the few at UT that got it and he was amazed everyone found it so hard.) I remember my mother was all over Y2K. I think she still has canned goods. And water. We kinda stocked up like you would for tornado season. Enough water, batteries, some stuff to get by for a week. Gas up the car and wash your clothes. Plant Loco was coming up New Year's Day to test their systems. They asked me if I was going to be on-site at midnight in case there were problems. WTF. What was I going to do at midnight if War of the Worlds started? In the hood. With a guy that bragged he is experienced in fire bombing. Gotta love Detroit City.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Wicked Prey by John Sandford

Finished the book today, actually I started the book this morning. Woke up at 3:30 am, not unusual if I am working, and could not go back to sleep. Started reading and then for some reason switched to thinking. If Big Daddy gets this job and I do actually go back to work I will have to stay here for a while. By myself. Scary.

Then I got this horrible pain in my breast that felt like a needle stabbing me. This was just great. WTF. I have had the pain all day and have nothing else to do but read.

This was a great read and fun all the way through.

Talked to a couple of my buds today and things are still bad all over. People are bitter and bad feelings are all around.

My toe lady sent me a wonderful card. That was sweet of her. Thank you.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Not Funny Just Down Right Hilarious

Councilwoman Joann Watson, generally viewed as not the stupidest person on the Detroit City Council, (okay that is not saying much) just found out that her $67 and change tax bill on her home was not right. Yep, 67 and change was not enough taxes. Cuz her home was listed on the tax rolls as a vacant lot. Her response was that she was insulted her house was worth so little. This has been going on for years. The house she remortgaged to finance her run for the council seat. AND YOU ASK WHY DETROIT IS SO FUCKED UP. The woman reviewing budgets can't do 5th grade math.

I believe Obama stole a page from Chrysler for the military. There was only 1 jet this morning out of Selfridge for the Memorial Day parades. This would be called an MCM at the three headed dog. Don't remember the exact name of the acronym, but it means cost save-usually at a quality cost. Don't those jet pilots need to train and fly on a regular basis. Oh, excuse me, I forgot=we call that buzzing Manhattan to take pictures.

Big Daddy got word they are working on an offer. Don't know whether to think to the future or hide some more. Either way some serious decisions have to be made and some serious structure to a plan has to be followed. The house will have to be ready for storage, sale, something no matter what happens. If this offer goes through GrrDog will have to find a new home. He is too old to go through immigration and quarantine. Gotta buck up and keep my eye on the ball.

Funny of the day: Big Daddy got himself a birthday present. A Morse Code web sight, so next time we are overtaken by the Martians when AM radio is on we can figure out where they will land. I'm thinking Cobo Hall or Joann Watson's vacant lot.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Big Daddy says I am in a FUNK

Also that I have neglected my funny of the day. Punkin Head kinda said the same thing. Apparently they see no humor in my quest to fund port-a-pottys in tent city with Nancy Pelosi's pearls.

Well I did leave the house yesterday to get my hair done. Gotta keep up the roots. Saw a Grosse Pointe matron with fuchsia hair. My hair lady said she did it herself to save money, "and at her age you cannot afford not to have professional tinting". Why not just go brown? Every fashion magazine has ads for natural looking hair color you can buy at the discount store. I on the other hand am blond and there is nothing worse than bottle blond-even fuchsia. Fuchsia means you know it is not natural and natural was never a goal.

Saw the toe lady, she misses me. We have a plan to turn Grosse Pointe into the French Quarter of Michigan. It involves alcohol and maybe a Madam. The crumbling architecture, eccentrics, and too many lawyers are already here.

I hope you remember my neighbors, I have an update on the cookie lady. She of the two mud holes in her way past tacky front yard. She now has 5 tomato cages in one of the mud puddles. She also planted potatoes and corn in that "next to the sidewalk" plot. WTF. If you want to be a farmer why do you buy property with no yard but a patch in front. And I can't wait until the SPAWN OF THE DEVIL gang finds those tomatoes on a hot and muggy summer night. Thank goodness my car is red.

Speaking of red,also white and blue I have to get Big Daddy on the flag patrol. Tomorrow is Memorial Day and as we can only hang our flag when we can watch it (the spawn again) it is time to shake it out and hang it on porch. Jets from Selfridge will fly over my house and I can see them from the front porch. Thrilling sight and god bless our military men and women, they do a job I cannot. Thank you.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Just Odd Little Thoughts

I received an email from President Obama asking me to back his health care reform and requesting I write my congresspeople. The thing is the email did not tell me what the reforms actually were. And the only reason I get these emails is I wrote to him when he was running for the job to tell him I did not agree with some of his ideas. He never answered my questions but his peeps did ask me for money. WTF. My first reform would be that all government employees receive exactly the same benefits as the people they represent-medical, salary, vacation, and pension. If most of your peeps are union and get a pension, then so do you. If most of your peeps are like me and have to save my own money for retirement, then so do you. And your money comes from your state, not the feds. Michigan money should not pay for New York bennies.

Funnies of the week:

I was listening to the radio and Big Daddy came in and asked who was doing Morse Code. Yes Morse Code was coming across the radio for about 10 minutes. Was it military from Selfridge or some ham operator? Who knows? Told Big Daddy to brush up on his Morse so he can figure it out next time.

GrrDog came home from the spa with a bow on his collar. This is unusual for GrrDog and Big Daddy mentioned it. Spa peeps said he was a fairly good boy. BiG Daddy mentioned bow was on the collar and not on the top-knot. Spa said GrrDog was not THAT "a good boy". How can such a cute fucker be such a terror. And his terrible gas is back.

Rex Parker Does the New York Times Crossword had a fight with Evil Doug. Over rap music. On a blog about puzzles. This only confirms my earlier observation that blogs deteriorate the longer the bloggers sign on, bloggers think their opinions matter, blog owners think they are relevant and this whole venue is hilarious. Sometimes it is fun, once in a very great while you may learn something and mostly it is hoo-haa. And this fight happened one of the very few days I actually worked this year so I missed the whole damn thing and only caught up on some of it today. Drat, Egad, and I am irked. Word of the day antithetical, written by Orange, the smartest person I don't know.


People are indicating that Chrysler could go back to work in the next few weeks. I pray it is true so I can make my house payment.

Monday, May 18, 2009

New Ideas

I came up with a great new idea today for work, of course with the help of Big Daddy. He and his peeps are already running with it and I am hopeful something good comes from this. Isn't there some saying about gems out of shit.

Big Daddy is getting on my nerves as he does not understand staying home and being unemployed. I hope he never learns. However, we must have disciplines. And you may not like mine-but I was here first. I am however very thankful that he is getting quite a bit of feedback and an interview. Not bad for 4 days of trying in Detroit for an auto RIF.

Pinto beans and spoon bread for dinner.

By the way, Stacy Head the councilwoman in New Orleans did publish her emails today and she did say FUCK at least one time. Love that woman, love New Orleans, love people that say it like they see it. Maybe next Monday red beans and rice in honor of Stacey.

Sad news today, my favorite blog that I follow "Well Done Fillet" is retiring. Another thing to make me cry as I so enjoyed his writing and it is one less thing I have to do every day. I wish him well, but I also wish there were more interesting blogs out there to read.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Idle thoughts

It's not like I don't have things to do-go over resume Big Daddy pumped up, cry, do my own toes, cry, make plans to get the house ready to sell or rent or put into foreclosure, cry, and weed the garden.

I can't understand a couple of things. I remember when it was good to make a 10% profit. When did everyone get so nuts? The house I bought in the early 90's is probably worth less than I paid for it as Grosse Pointe real estate really tanked. And I have a modest home. I know factory workers that bought 350 to 400 thousand dollar homes on the same or not much more income than we had. How the F### did that get approved? And I know factory workers losing homes in the hood that I am surprised anyone except a crack dealer would own. And the crack dealer would not live there. I know this because I was a juror in Federal Court on a cocaine trial and they presented evidence on their living conditions. It was creepy.

I also don't understand Food Stamps. There is a huge controversy in New Orleans right now regarding Councilwoman Stacy Heads' remarks on purchases made with Food Stamps. She does not like people purchasing pre-formed hamburger pattys along with prepared foods and junk. And people think she is racist. Who the fuck would buy, much less eat hamburger from Wal-Mart? Come on people! The government is thinking about taxing stupid and zero value added nutrition purchases and people are defending hamburger and Little Debbies. If it is okay to put a sin tax on smokes and liquor why not fatty hamburger and Little Debbies. And potato chips and Fritos and Red Bull.

If Nancy Pelosi ever gets her story straight on whatever the fuck it is she is doing the next project she takes on should be Food Stamps and the proper use of Little Debbies in the American diet.

Friday, May 15, 2009

I am so not happy about the garden

For the last few years we have had gardening problems. Too much rain, too many hours at work, people on crutches, and the painting of the house and garage.

Well, this year I thought we had a shot. Yea, right. Don't even know if I will have a house in a few months.

Today is Black Friday for GM dealerships and every bar in Detroit is probably full of very depressed people out for a last hooray. Is there any one left in Detroit with a job? Oh yea, Ron Gettlefinger. Good luck buddy.

Had to cancel the toe lady, the lawn guys, and maybe the television is next. It is a weekend for review, this really sucks.

Hope I can keep GrrDog and my mind.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Some Things Change and Some Things Don't

Dealerships are being shut down today. Some are family owned businesses that supported a couple of generations with middle class lifestyles. Not yachts and moats like out British kin, but sand boxes and side walks. Oh well, as long as Obama is happy. Maybe Obama will buy us all an IPod and some DVD's that we can use in our tent cities, where I am sure we will have solar and wind power.

Don't want to piss off my UAW friends-but ya know we are gonna have all the best spots first in tent city. Look for swamp.

Big Daddy is networking, resuming, and telling his head-hunter peeps anything is good now. No more I would like to live in a real apartment. Tent City is fine.

And now our best cartoon, Nancy Pelosi, is saying Bush buffaloed her. She did not understand? Once again I must state we need to take those pearls and put them on a normal person. I vote for me. If I don't win can we auction them off and buy port-a-pottys for tent city?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Now Big Daddy gets to meet MARVIN

Yep, Big Daddy got the ax today. Hundreds were let go from Visteon this morning. Two unemployment checks are not gonna cut it.

Have to make some plans and pray to be sent to the foreign land. This is getting scary.

I am not gonna cry.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Once again the neighbors

Got a knock on the door this morning from the lady tending the corner house. She's the new neighbor. Good landscaping and a cute little girl.

She was asking my permission to put in her air-conditioning unit. WTF. This unit is across the street and behind bushes. So now we have to make local government and 1 out of 3 neighbors happy. The unit is only 2 feet from where the big screen TV(and I mean big)live. They will hear more noise than I ever will.

Big Daddy is interviewing for a new job this week overseas. Kinda scary. I think we may need to find a new home for the GrrDog or he will be lunch.

Off to do my resume for MARVIN, the bane of my existence, the most fickle relationship ever.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Thank You Punkin Head

This is why Big Daddy isn't cooking, he is relaxing with the gargoyles.

Thank you Punkin Head.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Great Food Posts-Mother's Day

The last couple of days the Blackend Out site and Appetities have had the best posts. Must read for foodies.

Also, if you want great recipes to cook at home get a Susan Spicer cook book.

And enjoy Mother's Day at home.

MARVIN Pimped Me

Marvin and I are on the outs. I had just finished talking to a live member of the Unemployment Peeps and he transferred me to MARVIN to certify my MONEY when MARVIN went into a snit. He told me I did not have a Social Security Number that was viable. WTF. The live dude verified it and now it does not exist? No illegal alien has tried to steal it? It is just gone. Had to spend another 2 hours reconnecting to the live peep to verify this was not the Twilight Zone and trying to get my money. Marvin needs some Valium or something.

You know I was thinking today we are our own worst enemies. I am going to make a list and I am sure it will take me quite some time to finish with all the "little transgressions" that we all think don't matter. I just have to figure out how to put the list on the side of the blog as an added feature.

List starter:

I took pencils from work that were going to be thrown away, they were give-aways, and I used them myself at work. Except for 2 or 3. I still gave some away as no one reads the shit on the pen/pencil/whatever you give me give-aways. I had a guy yell at me one time that our pens were shit because the ink ran out in a few uses. He showed me a desk drawer full of quality pens. I asked why he wasn't using them. None of them had re-fills, but they were quality. WTF.

Working under the table. Never did it and I am appalled how many people that blather about the Democratic way think it is acceptable to not pay taxes on money earned. Same for the Republicans I know. If I pay taxes then we all pay taxes.

Antibacterial soap-do you people not stay abreast of the news? The healthiest people are probably the peeps raised with the most dirt. Ever hear about the strongest people surviving?

Feminine Hygiene Products, excuse me-but if you shower on a regular basis what is down there that is so offensive? This stuff causes massive "feminine problems" that feeds the Pharmaceutical companies to come up with more FEMININE HYGIENE PRODUCTS to fix the shit they started in the first place. Take a shower, or a bath, or use a really expensive bidet. Water down there is good.

Charity do-gooders. There are some good ones and there are some like the group I was invited to join. The first meeting in a mansion (with women with wedding rings much bigger than my 2 carat) were taught how to track their time and mileage so the husbands would be happy at tax time about the deductions. This is while we were availing ourselves to the homemade buffet that I am sure was also tax-deductable.

What is it with all this bullshit? People brag about paying a dollar a month for rent, people brag about working for cash so Uncle Sam can't take their taxes, people brag about tax deductions for having coffee. Who is actually paying for this shit besides me?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

So You Had A Bad Day

Yep. Do not want to discuss the medical appointments. They were not fun.

Every time I see the news on the H1N1 virus I think Hiney flu. How is it better to have a Hiney flu than a Swine flu.

Yesterday I heard on the news that the Detroit/Windsor border had a confirmed case of TB involving a toll collector. It was deemed not a problem for travelers. What? The person gives you money and receipts that you keep in your car, wallet, purse, Daytimer and this is not a problem.

They are talking about moving the Auto Show to Oakland County and now Monica Conyers is bitching that she should still be City Council Prez even tho Kenny is coming back. Yeah, right.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Detroit Traffic Report

According to Big Daddy, one of the few still working in Detroit, there is hardly any traffic. Assembly plants down, schools down, most people with sense staying home. Wonder if the gas will go up or down. He had to go to London, Ontario today and hardly any trucks on the 401. The judge isn't making any quick decisions on Chrysler and I missed my call to Marvin. I was sitting and waiting, all ready to call, and I got really entranced by the new James Patterson 8th Confession and I could not put it down. Then I had to re-charge my ecigarettes and fill them up and the next thing I knew I missed the window. Damn, now I have to wait til Thursday. And that book is going to have me antsy for days.

Well, back to the Clampetts. Now on my regular schedule I get up at 4AM. If there are problems earlier. So I am laying in bed and I wake up to the most horrendous noise and notice it is 3:30 in the morning. This noise is scaring me as I think something really bad is happening. I get Big Daddy awake and we start peering out the windows, and what do we observe? Jed Clampett throwing large metal things from his cargo van onto the street. He is parked on the street and cleaning out his van very loudly at 3:30 in the morning. WTF. He is in "Heating and Cooling" and apparently looking for a lost furnace by the size of the shit he was throwing in the street. Now Mrs. Clampett is always looking real Grosse Pointe in her skirts and pearls and Jed is CLEANING out his van on what is the middle of the night for most people on my street. As I pulled out to go to work in the dark I wonder what I may drive over to flat my tires. And those tires cost $250 a pop.

About two years ago the city started leaving paint markings on the sidewalks. There were strange number and different colors. Big Daddy explained the city was replacing sidewalks and driveway aprons and the colors were for who paid, us or them. This created quite a few hassles as were are on a dead-end street. Well, one day I arrived home to once again confront the cement trucks when I noticed there where gaping holes in the sidewalks. They were finally finishing up, hooray. Big Daddy was happy and watched all this from the porch as that is something men do. Watch cement pouring workers, working.

I was inside doing wifely things when I heard Big Daddy hollering. Big Daddy hollering is never good as he is a pretty quiet guy. When I got outside he and the cement guy are talking and the neighbor is asking who did this, this being all the fresh cement was carved up. The spawns of the Clampetts had taken their $75.00 Leatherman tools and dug up some cement from every slab on the street. I would say 8 or 9 slabs. Mr. Cement Supervisor is not happy, Big Daddy is his witness, and here comes Jed. And the nice Mexican cement finisher is blowing his top. Next thing I see is a rumble getting ready to start in the street. I call 911 and tell the lady, this is gonna get ugly. Mr. Cement Supervisor also called and a minute later here comes Grosse Pointe's finest. Now I have seen them send 3 cars for a lost dog but we get one car for a re-enactment of West Side Story. As Jed is loudly telling the police that his kids did nothing wrong, Juan explodes and goes for Jed while Mrs. Clampett tries to sucker punch Juan and the supervisor. This is great entertainment in a town not known for fisticuffs in the street.

The policeman was wishing he had help as he had to get Jed to apologize to Juan or Juan would not fix the cement. Now Jed proudly proclaimed he would pay for all the cement, I am sure not realizing how much this cement would cost. I have personal experience with this one. If Juan fixed the slabs it would be $600.00 per slab or it would be a do-over. Jed sucked it up and said sorry, the cop guarded Juan, and the Clampett kids moved on to carving up trees after that episode. By the way, these kids were about 4 and 5 and both have expensive Leatherman tools. I nearly choked when I bought mine and I used it for work.

How do I know how much cements costs? When Punkin Head started to drive he had a brand new Jeep. And he drove it through 3,000 yards of newly laid street in the Grosse Pointes. The garbage men turned him in and when poor Dr. Blank got home to find 4 boys, a hose, and the police in his driveway the gig was up. The bill came in the mail a few days later. Cement is not cheap.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Let Me Tell You A Story About a Man named Jed

The house 2 doors down had the most beautiful roses I have ever seen in my life. They were huge, tall, lush and bloomed all summer. Gorgeous. A very old lady lived there and the lawn boy (mowed until he was 22) took care of the yard. Now the lawn boy, using his own equipment, mowed, weed whacked, edged, removed the debris and did leaf cleanup in the fall for $10.00 a week. This was in the late 90's. Big Daddy gave him a $2.00 raise after a few years. He did 4 or 5 houses and made his gas money. Took him a couple of hours.

Well, the old lady died, lawn boy retired, the Al Quedas were living next door and ta-da . . .the Clampetts moved in. Mr. Al Queda sold them the house. The house was dated but clean and neat. Well the first thing Jed did was to have Mrs. Clampett (Jed never does outdoor work) put Playschool Plastic all over the front yard. Under the HUGE 50 foot tall Crimson Maple was a sand box, picnic table, and a plastic disc attached to the tree for swinging. This in a 30 x 30 yard.

The first thing the darling children did was to completely trample a 12 x 3 spring bulb and flower bed while trying to tear down the neighbors decorative white picket fence. Then there was no grass left in the playground. So there were 2 mud holes that spring, but thankfully they dried up to just plain dirt in time for the Clampetts first and last annual Memorial Day party. Well as the guests began arriving the Clampetts soon realized they had no outdoor seating. Problem solved-they took the Al Queda's furniture off their brand new deck. By the way, they kept it and Mr. Al Queda was afraid to ask for it back. (More on that another time)

Since the seating problem was solved they now moved on to the entertain issue. See, they had another problem. They could not entertain in their backyard as they had never mowed the grass and a fishing boat was back there, as was most of their clothing and eating utensils. So they set up a horse shoe throwing contest on the boulevard section of their lawn-creeping into the neighbors houses on both sides. They placed the stolen chairs and the beer cooler on the sidewalk and they were good to go. Unfortunately so was the neighbors BBQ. So now you got the guys in suits and ties trying make their way thru the horse shoe contest. Thank goodness Jed lost the boat in the friendly betting game. Had to use the Al Queda driveway to get the boat in and out, but I sure Mr. Al Queda didn't mind as he confiscated my driveway once.

The Clampetts then decided to renovate. This involved removing their window screen and some of their siding. Months later there were reports of the Clampett children sitting on the lower roof naked outside the windows with no screens. Then the tree died.

Well we were fedded up as my French colleagues say. Someone overheard Jed saying he would buy a keg and get his buds to take down the tree. NO NO NO. City explained about permits and restriction. Cost him $2,500.00. Then most of his appliances ended up in his driveway. Garage door not closed for weeks. Neighborhood was simmering. Then Mrs. Clampett disappeared. Permit stuck to the door to allow work done on the premises. Permits have a limit and on the last day everyone was poised to go to the city. The only reason we were worried about Mrs. Clampett is that no one mowed the weeds since she left. We were hoping she left an abusive relationship. Jed is rather vocal in his opinions of others, including his family, usually swearing his head off.

Well the house got finished, kinda, Mrs. Clampett came back, the police are there off and on, and the children are now the ring leaders of the hooligans. Once I heard Mrs. Clampett asking the police why no one tells her of the problems. We are all terrified of them.

Tomorrow, bumps in the night and the sidewalk wars.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Don't Ya Love Joe Biden and of course NY banks

Good ole Joe, it is guaranteed that whatever comes out of his mouth will "shock and awe". Wonder what all the people on the train said to him. Guess we know Obama told him to get his ass on the train and smile, dammit, smile.

Then Chrysler retirees cannot cash their checks cuz some bank stopped payment and a judge had to say, well pay the people. No, not the suppliers, contractors, or your cronies---the retirees. I wonder if everyone knows just how close to disaster all this really is. I am laid off until August 3rd, which I think means I have to look for work. I am not sure of all the rules but my company sent me 5 pages to read while I am already laid off. Alrighty.

Pedicure day so toes are cute and I am ready to take on the Grandma story.

Grandma lives next door and her daughter and son-in-law live 3 doors down next to the Clampetts. Grandma is about 96 now and was going strong until this winter. She is a pip. When we overheard her bitching about the huge fir tree, which Big Daddy tells me was really a bastardized Blue Spruce, we decided to take a look. Don (the ghost and former owner) kept the bottom trimmed so it never looked right but got huge. So huge we could not get near it from the backyard which was surrounded by the huge bug infested hedge, nor the front unless we walked down Grandma's drive and snuck behind it. No wonder she bitched.

When we gathered to cut it down she asked me why it never bothered us. Well, we go to work at 4 or 5 AM and come home late and it is on the other side of the house where we never go. Who opens the window treatments when they are never home. Needless to say the former tree area had no grass. We paid to have the stump removed, put in dirt for a flower bed next to the foundation and put down the best grass seed. Not good enough for Grandma. Then we had the seed wars.

I planted some spring bulbs and forgot about it.

The next year we did the back yard. I did the weird thing with grass as it was only 3 feet wide. Put down layers of newspaper, then leaves (plenty from the Don the Ghost tree) covered with so many inches of dirt and watered. Sure enough, next year grass was gone. We took out the hedge and Big Daddy put down a patio. Ohio Tumbled Blue Stone delivered too many times by the skid (6 tons altogether) for a little back yard. At the end I told him if it wasn't finished by Labor Day I was divorcing him and marrying a Mexican to finish the patio in exchange for his green card. It was finished. Yard was simple, acceptable, somewhat barren-but looked ready for business in the near future.

We were ready to go to New Orleans for our 25th anniversary when 9/11 happened. I was in an assembly plant with co-workers from France and a young Jr. tech. It was so surreal as I had been telling the French they could not go home until they solved their problems when Bush shut down the airlines. Now they were stuck. And so was I.

Stay at home, well, let us garden. Put in a few things. Grandma commented. She wanted a lilac bush. I put in a pink oriental lilac as this is a small yard and they are quite small and can be pruned. SHE HATED IT. It was the wrong color and not French. Grrr. She has also hated snapdragons, marigolds (the expensive white ones) thyme, tarragon, rosemary, oriental poppy plants, bachelor buttons (which she had planted first) and anything I planted. She hated my grass, my dog, and my mulch. She will not weed behind her dying bushes but goes back and kicks off the mulch. She also does not use PREEN. Grrr. Now she wants a rose bush. WTF.

So we started giving her some wine whenever we traveled cuz she watched the house, yea right, and maybe I will plant a damn rose bush even if I can't grow them. Because you know if you get to 95 or 96 well, WTF.

Next, Third Rock from the Sun or as we know them the "Clampetts"

Friday, May 1, 2009

Chrysler News

Well I heard different things this morning, but really they are all about the same news. Two locals (thank you my peeps for calling)(and one grade 93) from Plant Loco report: Hourly and Salaried Bargaining and Contract plant workers are indefinitely laid off with a hope to return date 4-6 weeks. Same for our friends across the border. Now the Unemployment offices will implode again because indefinite lay-off means you must register your resume or whatever to seek work. I wonder if we will all work for the Unemployment people soon.

Well, on to the cookie lady. This was a sad house from the beginning. First a drug addict, on a trust fund, with 3 very evil German Shepherds lived there. It took me a year to run her off. The dogs were a nuisance and a danger to everyone. Once a German Shepherd was running thru my yard and ran into the garage. I hit the switch on the garage and shut the door and called the police. I told them a very menacing and frightful dog was locked in my garage and I feared for my life. The cops came and surrounded the garage, weapons ready and opened the door. Said dog looked their way with a Fritos bag over his head. He liked my garbage. And then the owner, not the evil drug dealer, ran up crying "Pookie, Pookie thank god we found you." He was so happy with the Frito Bandito (as the cops called him) and I was "Curses, foiled again."

Then the drug addict rented the property to what appeared to be people running a group home. This was actually not bad. No one ever outside and no noise, no parties, no dogs. Though the house was really going downhill at this point.

Then the cookie people bought it. It took them a year to renovate. Don't know why but it did appear they gutted the house. Maybe it was pay as you go. Now this is another corner lot with really no yard except for the front. When I say no yard on the back and one side I mean maybe 2 to 3 feet between the house and lot line. Enough to mow. And this is a two story so large house on really small lot. Well on the street side of the driveway and next to the drive way they put in a small patio with a privacy fence. Okay, ya wanna go sit outside sometimes. Then they put in flower beds along the front walkway, some plantings around the porch. A big bush and flowers in the middle of the front yard. Some more plantings around the front. Then they connected the bush in the middle to the foundation plantings. Next a vignette reminiscent of My Old Kentucky tucked in the corner. Then a wishing well vignette next to the sidewalk at the edge of the property. Now there are two huge mud holes on either side of the public sidewalk in the halfway point of the property obviously waiting for a vignette of their own. Oh, by the way their fucking Christmas wreath is still up on their chimney. It is May.

Now you may wonder how my neighbors get their names. Some are obvious, some are due to shocking behaviour. Right after the cookie people moved in they invited everyone to their house on Halloween eve for cider and donuts at 8 PM on a Sunday. They did this by tying a beribboned invitation to my door. Big Daddy asked if I was going. As I reminded him I get up between 3 and 4 AM to go to Plant Loco to get my ass ripped I thought I should stay home and concentrate on packing my bag with pins, foam, pen, pencils, coffee mugs and Tylenol. Shortly thereafter I returned home to another colorful note tied to my door inviting us to join a new neighborhood group by sending in my phone and email information. THE last straw was an invitation a few weeks later to come to the cookie party they were hosting as a get to know your neighbor party. There are 14 people on my street and the majority are whack jobs, what is there to get to know.

Next, me and grandma