Thursday, May 31, 2012

Lesson learned, do not take pet to pet store

So after my girlie relaxation mani and pedi I took the crazy dog to Lou's Pet Store to pick up the corkscrew stake. They did not have it. They did have gerbils and hamsters and birds and fish and all kinds of fun shit for Sammy to explore. Never again. And everyone seems tp take their dogs in there; the sidewalk and median was an orgy of smells for my dog. They are supposed to call me on Saturday if they get the stake.

Next we went to the police department to get our dog tag. You park  and then have to walk all the way around the building to get your tag. Well, this was another sniffing bonanza for Sammy. I honestly think his sniffer must be sprained because no one can sniff that much.

Big Daddy made it to the airport during the taxi strike and is now waiting to board his planes for home.  About 25 hours all together.

Oh, an update on my no smoking. I think recently my sense of smell returned and for those of you who never smoked, it stinks out there. I can not get over how much everything stinks, stinks, stinks. I am sure it smells worse than the last time I quit smoking, that was about 8 years ago. Does climate change make it smell worse? And in my opinion someone needs to go through every building with a fire hose and wash them down and all persons need to review their personal habits and bathe/shower daily, if not more often. And people should really take advantage of scent free products.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

What do you do when . . .

The government uses a pass key and walks into your room demanding your passport?

Eventually you give it to them.

Democracy my ass.

Of course Big Daddy got a nice fruit bowl as an apology from the hotel.

He said the only country that is more corrupt and demanding of bribes is Russia.

Old Navy finally showed up

Yep, I finally received the big and cheap clothes. I am not impressed.

I will critique these items in the next few days.

I am assuming size large means many things to many people. I am guessing I am wrong.

I did however get my Amazon book order in 2 days, hurrah, delivery was John Sanford's Stolen Prey and Stuart Woods' Unnatural Acts. I forgot to order Charlaine Harris  latest Sookie book, but maybe I am over that nonsense. Also ordered Joan Hess, "Deader Homes & Gardens", we will see.

Big Daddy is escaping in the nick of time

India is going on strike. The government has moved the army into Bangalore to keep the peace. First strike starts tomorrow, India raised the price of gasoline. Second strike starts Friday, the government also added tariffs to taxis and trucks and decreed all trucks must have a governor so the vehicle can not go over 48 MPH. All righty. The army is there because the word is out, if you drive around and go along with shit, you will be beaten to a pulp. He shipped his parts out, confirmed his material may never get in and tried to change his flight.

No go on the flight change, but they only have to go off the grid for one mile to get to the airport. No problem.
Prolly through the rogue elephant's compound.

Punkin Head filled my refrigerator with coconut drinks and frozen floes to see if that helps with the stomach upsets. Trader Joe's has quite a bit of it. Will report out on the project.

1 1/2 or 2 1/2 days to BD at home depending on how you count.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Looks can be deceiving

Some look innocent and some chew on a pizzle.

Don't know what a pizzle is, well it is a dog chewy made out of a bull's penis. Mine, or should I say Sammy's, is braided. Yep, dried and braided bull penis. No wonder Sammy wants to bring it to bed every night. Good thing they are cheap at Trader Joe's.

Punkin Head and The Lady came and helped carve a path in the front jungle. Now in addition to the garbage bags and the recycling shit I now have to drag out yard waste bags on Friday mornings. Yea for me.

And my cheap fat clothes are still not here, guess Old Navy are big fat liars in addition to being smart asses.

Big Daddy is supposed to be home Friday afternoon, we will see.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Math has never been my forte

Okay, feeling exceptionally fat and having no clothes I finally found the biggest ugliest clothes known to man on the Old Navy Internet site. The clothes were big and not very expensive except for the exercise type pants which I felt I needed. I paid $17.00 shipping to get them here quicker, which I thought was high for shipping but when you are fat you do strange things. Well, they are not here 3 and 1/2 days later. So I called Old Navy.

I did not pay for the fastest shipping, thank God, I paid for the second fastest which is 2 to 3 days. But that does not include Saturday, Sunday, or holidays which in my case means 6 days for shipping. At that point I said I should have taken the free shipping and his response was that would have meant I would get the coveted fat clothes June 9. More weekends you know. Free shipping, ordering May 23 after 3 PM and delivery June 9.   I went back to the website as Mr. Snotty Ass said it was all spelled out there and guess what, it was not.

How the hell are they shipping this stuff, homeless people walking it to you?

You know what, this is why America is fucked up. If you have to sleaze yourself to get sales, well that is just wrong. And so, I may or may not keep the cheap fat clothes but I doubt I will ever buy anything from the Gap group again. There are too many other assholes out there screaming for my money.

I can't make this shit up

For many years we have lived with the fact that Big Daddy looks quite a bit like Dick Cheney. They could be brothers. TSA has remarked how much he looks like Cheney while wanding him at the airport. Gennifer Flowers called him Dick Cheney at her nightclub. It goes on and on.

Well today BD was at the temple or palace or whatever in Mysore, India and yep-it happened again. He was approached by a group of trainee soldiers wanting their picture taken with BD. When they were finished they thanked Mr. Chinny. Yep, they thought he was Dick Cheney. This time however he got the full celebrity treatment. Apparently the Indians are star struck for any famous person and they mobbed BD for pictures. The soldiers video taped him and the driver said that was the most pictures ever taken of a faux celebrity. The runner-up is some guys wife named Angie who they thought was Angelina Jolie. She ran and hid, avoiding the big mob scene.

BD got some great shopping bargains, which will be detailed later, and sore feet from walking the palaces without shoes. He ruined one pair of flight socks.

He had a fabulous lunch at one of the palaces that was converted into a resort and KFC for dinner. It kills me no matter where you go there is a KFC.

Pictures to follow as soon as he uploads them, but Punkin Head found a picture of the Mysore Palace at night on the Internet and it is a huge and gorgeous place. Punkin Head is at the music venue downtown this weekend so he spent the night here. The Greektown Casino Hotel told him that no outside beverages are allowed to brought into the hotel so he is smuggling his in my Trader Joe's insulated grocery bag, it has a zipper.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Big Daddy, all the best to you. Only 9 more days.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Out and About


Had my hair appointment this morning, 8 AM and just got my stuff together and left, no need to upset the dog. I was gone about 3 hours, after hair went to Trader Joe's. Bought some new items at TJ's and I am anxious to try them.

When I got home and came in the side door, you would have thought I left this dog alone for 10 years. He barked, he danced, he cried, he ran and got his toy and did it all-all over again. He carried on for about 10 minutes. I guess this is love. Big Daddy never did this when I came home from business trips much less a hair appointment. I mean my hair looks good, but really not good enough to dance for.

Well, tomorrow he has a spa day and we will see how that works out.

Big Daddy has lots of snake news in India, an Anaconda and a Black Mamba, I really hate this kind of information. He also ate Jack Fruit.

Jack Fruit in the tree.

He said it comes in some sorta pod type thing and to only eat a little until you see how this works out for yourself. Huh?

Monday, May 21, 2012

My new dog is nutso, and way too smart

Sammy dog is starting to feel real comfortable, he has it all figured out. Last night I told him it was time for bed and he got up and grabbed his bolo stick and trotted into the bedroom. This bolo stick is a rather large dog chewy that came with the dog. I am guessing 8 inches long. Sammy cannot get on the bed, it is higher than a normal bed. I took the bolo stick and put the dog on the bed and there we were ready for sleepy time. Nope, Sammy jumps off the bed. In my opinion he could sleep on the rug, not gonna play that game. Next thing I know there is a whiny dog sound irritating me and I look over to see the top of Sammy's head with his fucking chewy in his mouth. Hell, to the no, you are not bringing your shit into my bed. Put Sammy back in the bed sans the chewy, he thought it over (you could see the brain working) and he opted to stay in the big bed.

I tried to train him that he goes to the front door to pee and the side door for a walk. He is now a permanent fixture at the side door. This dog would be perfect in a fenced yard.

He figured out that if he sits on the rug in front of the kitchen sink he may get food.

I gotta say though he is a very good dog, barks to go out-except he does not do any biz, sits still to get his leash on, sits still to get his hair brushed.

Funny of the day: ran out of my canned food, only bought one can, and gave him his fave that the foster mother brought. He would not touch it. Gotta make him a vet appointment soon.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Just my luck

I love these cow pictures, they are hilarious.

Big Daddy said it was so hot and humid his glasses were fogged all day.

Well, if anyone remembers I have always talked about how weird shit always happens to me. Well I am convinced the old newlywed house is now a half-way house for Slavic refugees or a stop off point for illegal immigrants from some Slavic type country. I don't know why I think Slavic, their language just makes me think that area. Most of them speak English but mostly they speak in their language. More and more people keep moving in. Their is no longer room in their driveway for the cars and they are hanging over the sidewalks.

In the morning they all gather on the deck and while I cannot see them I can hear them. They have to be talking pretty damn loud for me to hear them inside my house. With the windows closed. Never heard the neighbors before.

Yesterday when I took Sammy out for his evening poop I noticed the only car parked on the street was parked directly at the end of my driveway. I studied this situation and decided their was no way in hell I could get out of this driveway without hitting that damn car on a regular basis. It was the neighbors. WTF. I did ask them to move the car and they complied speedily, I said no hurry, just you know keep it in mind as you park your seven thousand vehicles here on the dead end street. Okay, I exaggerate a bit. But 5 cars and everyone is over 45? And this is only a four bedroom home, where are all these people sleeping?

When we moved in the neighbors were normal, the kid mowed our lawn until he was in his twenties for gas money, next were the Al Quiedas with the neglected dog and the wife from hell,house was vacant for a few years,  then the newlyweds who moved out and the house was vacant for a long time-and now the Slavic half-way house.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

It's all coming back to me now

The thing I hated most when I left for my exotic travels was the advertising of the health care services.

Just heard an ad for something, not sure what, but I did hear the tag line, be sure to tell your health professional if you have impaired judgement.

Now I know I am not the smartest tool in the drawer, but really how am I supposed to know if I have impaired judgement? Don't most people think they are smarter than the average bear?

Have you ever met an asshole who admitted they were an asshole?

Have you ever met an ugly person who thought they were ugly?

Friday, May 18, 2012

One little favor, is that so much?

I asked Punkin Head to get me a saw, just a normal hand saw. My trees and things are out of control and they need some trimming. He said no to mommy, he does not think I am saw blade wielding material. Huh.

Big Daddy's co-worker that pulled the Shanghai trip is sicker than a dog, yep food poisoning. Yep, he has IBS. Yep, he ate a salad. The doctor at the Portman center told him a lot of white people cannot eat greens and salads in China, especially people with IBS. The guy asked why and the doctor told him the truth, the Chinese are just not clean. And yep he got the famous shot in the ass, IV treatment and bag of various medicines.

Oh, I forgot to take the garbage out. Thought about it last night and forgot about it this morning until the garbage truck went past. WTF, you know it was never my job and when BD came home he did it and I just cannot get into the garbage groove.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

The cows are dying

These pics taken from the car.

They are in the median because that is where the grass is. There is not much grass around here so they have to supplement their diet with garbage. Problem is there is too much plastic in the garbage and the plastic is killing them.

Sammy is carving out his space and not living up to his quiet and mostly sleeps "description". So far he has chased birds, squirrels, and the neighbors. He will never be off a leash. He always wants to go out but most of the time all he does is sit and sniff the air. We must have a richer smelling environment than the suburbs. Yesterday he came up to me twice and sat down and, looking me straight in the eye barked his story.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

New cure for heartburn

Big Daddy has been getting bad heartburn from the curry. So his Indian peeps took him to the coconut man who whapped the top off the coconut with his machete. Then they told Big Daddy to drink the coconut milk and BD said the heartburn went away instantly. Don't think it will be as easy to transport as a roll of antacid tablets.

Funny of the day: Headline on Comcast News, "Rattlesnake Bites Medical Marijuana Grower At Walmart". WTF.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

This is Sammy

Well, Sammy is here and he is confused.

Second home, third if you count the pound, in a few months and no one knows what happened before that.  See that tail, that is not a poodle tail. I think he needs a spa day in the near future.

Picked up his stuff this morning and about fell over, there was a bug on on the bed. It turns out it was a cricket. I know this because a guy came in and bought crickets, 64 cents worth of crickets. WTF, who buys crickets in the USof A? I mean China had fighting insects but never had I known Grosse Pointers to fight with crickets.

He stuck his nose up at the bed, his old toys, his new toys, and mama's big chair which he found on his own.

And after all the turmoil from the head of rescue group I have Sammy with no receipt and no contract and no
nothing from the group. Some people should not be in charge of anything. I was amazed though when the foster mom told me Sammy was a tax deduction as a rescue dog. Who knew?

His foster mom cried when she left. I felt bad for her and gave her a silk scarf from China, her Sammy scarf. Planned on giving her the scarf and did it well before the tears. And no I did not have to feed and water them and they were not intrusive.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Yah Lou's Pet Supplies

This dog adoption is still crazy, phone calls all over and now the foster mom is crying I think because she is so attached to Sammy now. Shit this is hard all the way around. Sue and Mike are coming tomorrow with Sammy and I will have tissues available.

So what to do, I called Lou's and put in my order. This is what I love about Grosse Pointe, call up and tell them what you want. They tell you what they got. Tomorrow I walk in and pick the whole nine yards, no problems. And when we see if Sammy likes his shit, then he can go back with me to get more shit. As long as he is on his leash. Which I think I dazed the clerk when I said I wanted a snap back leash, just picture it, and she finally said a retractable leash.

Here is my order:

Merrick chicken flavored dry food, made for water to be added.
Merrick chicken flavored wet food with an additional lid so it is not nasty in the fridge.
Brush for poodle hair.
Bed for 10 pound poodle.
Snap back leash, ha ha ha.
Some soft toys that are nice and appropriate.

Big Daddy, your household may be somewhat larger when you arrive back home.

We will see tomorrow, the triage for cleaning is now on the dining room table and no matter what life goes on.

Big Daddy is using the Chinese against the Indians

We have been early risers for the last decade or so, Big Daddy has been an early riser since growing up on the farm. 4:30 is normal for us, give or take an hour either way. 

Well, it turns out the Indians are just like the Chinese, work does not really start until 9:30 or 10:00, with nothing really prepared for the day. So BD told his new peeps he wants to start earlier, like pick me up at 8 and lets get started, then he lied to them and told them that is how the Chinese do it. These people would shit bricks if they new most people here start well before 9 and eat lunch at their desks most days. 

He had to get his hotel room changed, he got in really late the first night and they had him in a twin bed (this was an upgrade) and he fell out in the morning. Now he has a pretend king size bed. He had dinner at the Italian place down the street and he said it was horrid-risotto with curry. Most restaurants do not open before 7, so now he knows the rules and can look for something else.  That or stick with pizza. 

There are cows roaming the streets and he is gonna get some pictures for us. People just wander up and milk the cows in the street. Wow. Can't wait to see the pictures. 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Aaaaw, such a sweetie

Some one was trying for brownie points.

The only crappy flowers in China were the roses, did not last and had no smell.

Thank you Big Daddy, card was sweet too.

Is it just me,

Yes, it is. Big Daddy called before he left Paris and Air France upgraded him to first class. I had to fly steerage how many times on Delta because they refuse to upgrade on an international flight unless you meet stringent and expensive criteria. He snags an upgrade on his first trip with Air France. And the food was great from NY to Paris, great seats in some Voyager class and he said the flight attendants were wonderful. WTF.

And his upgrade is with the lay flat beds. I am gonna cry.

Oh and he was upgraded from Detroit to NY, grrrr.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Crazy hand waving is back

I thought I was over that form of communication, guess not. And the funny thing is the only person I am communicating with is me.

I found this blog that I was spending a lot of time on, The Hinky Meter, it was about crime that just seemed odd. I guess it was more of a board than a blog and the comments were fascinating as many of the users were locals with information not found in the media reports. Kind a a true crime blog with real time input. Anyway, the owner shut the entire board/blog down and put it up for sale because she feels she cannot go to her mother's funeral when she dies. What The Fuck is up with that hot mess. Go or don't go, this is not a big deal, your mom won't know the difference. Of all the reasons in the world to make a life changing decision, that is not one of them. Her dad is dead for 2 years now and she is upset with how her mom treated him. Okay, but he is not fretting and she should not be losing sleep over it at this point.

I think the Internet makes us all too privy to each others thoughts and deeds, things that in the past would remain private are now put on display for anyone to comment about. Obviously this woman is in pain, but a pain no one else can comprehend. Maybe we should not share so much, or perhaps only share what we are comfortable with discussing. She wiped everything clean after it was posted which we all know if you post it, it is always out there somewhere-which is where her followers found it and re-posted it. WTH.

So the Jane Bashara murder is now not up for community discussion, I have to remember to search for information on Isabella Celis, and something I liked just fucking went away.

Big Daddy is on his way to Paris right now and should call me about 2 PM tomorrow to tell me he is in the land of India and his "looks like a terrorist driver" is there. He has a picture printed out by the admin.

Funny of the day: Driver from our house to Detroit Metro Airport looked like a terrorist too.

Boredom sets in

Big Daddy left in the Metro Car for the airport and now I am sad and bored. He was travel antsy crazy all morning. I would be too if I had to go to India for 3 weeks. He has to go back in June, Ugh. He traded in all of
our foreign monies and changed it to Rupees. Interesting note for travelers, they did not charge to change foreign money to a different foreign money, they only charge when US dollars enter into the equation.

I am just not real happy today.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Alone Again

Big Daddies Visa's are in and he is "leavin on a jet plane" this Saturday. Gone til the end of the month. He will miss Mother's Day, his birthday, Memorial Day and new dog day. 

Yesterday I got him disinfecting hand wipes, Mento's and a paperback for his flight. He is taking big red and the Wenger computer rolling bag. Big Red is a Samsonite I got from QVC  for about 25 bucks back in the 90's, you cannot kill this suitcase. It is a one kind wonder. I bought 2, one red and one green. The green one only lasted about 5 or 6 years. Big Red is still hanging in there which is amazing as she was also used to transport groceries in China. 

The dog visit went great, wore the under 70 degree outfit, good dog and should be a nice fit. The rescue Queen is the only one who can approve the adoption and she will "be up north" this weekend so we cannot do this until next week. People in Michigan who tell you "they will be up north" are the biggest assholes in the world unless they are wearing camo and have a rifle in hand. Or they have on waders. Pretentious bitch. 

Decent people just say they are unavailable or out of town.  

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

The dog rescue continues

Pearl has suggested I wear friendly dog walking clothes. I have 2 outfits one for below 70 degrees and one for above. I am hopeful they look friendly. I am hoping the jeans fit as we never know with the slight weight gain from quitting smoking and the IBS, some days yes and some days no. I hope this dog likes to walk as I need an excuse to get out there more. I also hope he likes longer ears, a mustache, and dry dog food. Yes, we like to change our men.

So if this works out I need 3 dog beds, a harness, leashes, yard stakes and food, brushes and maybe toys. And dog cookies.

And I need to get over my fear of bats.

Two dogs ago, Sherry Good Girl and I were sleeping in the Family Room in the big chair. BD took Sherry out for the last time of the evening and a bat flew in our door. I slept through the entire fiasco and Sherry paid no attention to BD trying to capture the bat. BD told me in the morning about the entire comedy skit he performed and went to the airport and flew out of town. I came home from work and let Sherry out and lo and behold there was a bat hanging on the brick right under the mail slot. This was not good.

I called BD hysterically screaming about the bat. I went and got a broom and swept it off the bricks and it landed right by the walkway to the porch. As we all remember from Dark Shadows this was not going to work out. I walked down the street and knocked on the friendly neighbors door and told the son I needed his help, using my broom as proof that I was either a witch or a crazy woman. Did you know that bats can scream? Did you know that crazy women dance with their brooms when this happens. Last I saw of the bat was Billy walking down the sidewalk with the bat clutching a stick.

So I am wondering if I can train the dog to only need to pee in the daylight.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Pet Rescue Operations

I am trying to adopt a rescue dog. I do not want a puppy and I have a good history as a dog owner.

I had to fill out paperwork which I felt should have allowed me to adopt children.

I am looking to adopt a 10 year old poodle with the shortest ears I have ever seen in my life. Doggie is a male, white haired, short cut, no mustache guy who needs a home.

The rescue people answered my email and told me that they would be in touch. They explained the delay as the foster family was on vacation. Okay.

Maybe meet the dog on Wednesday. Then the powers that be want to inspect my
home. Hate that people want to look at my stuff.

How does one dress for this this?

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Well, I feel stupid

I need a new phone.  New cell phone and new home phone. So, I have been investigating phones and I was appalled at how expensive these items have become. When I decided the entire country was crazy  to spend this kinda money for cell phone service I asked Big Daddy how much I was paying for my 5 year old cheap ass   bottom of the line flip phone and his piece of crap LG phone. Well, it is more than anyone else is paying for the expensive data plans that everyone else has. WTF.

So now I need to investigate cell phones and figure out a plan. I would like a phone that takes pictures and can show maps when I am lost, that is about it. Blue tooth would be nice.

For the home phone I need to check out what the problem is with the current phone. We need a home phone or land line as Grosse Pointe is cheap and will not let companies put up cell towers, so I get very poor to no service at home.  Also the alarm system requires a land line and I am not in the mood to figure out how to change that requirement.  We have to always have the cell phones on the charger as the constant searching for a tower drains the battery, that and the switching between the US and Canada towers. What a mess.

I was thinking about taking over BD's iPhone if the speaker could be repaired but I guess most companies don't like that shit, and I will not buy another iPhone, not paying for Steve Jobs vision at a high cost, heard to many bad things about Apple. Yea everyone does the same but only Apple charges extreme prices for extreme profits.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Just sipping my wine and watching

My back is still not "moving about" friendly so I am not doing much. Big Daddy is keeping me appraised of his upcoming schedule. First it was 2 weeks in Shanghai, then it changed to a few weeks in India, next was a few days in Mexico and flying on to India. I am aghast that someone would take a plane from Mexico to India.

India destination at this moment seems to be Bangalore which I think used to be the rubber sandal capitol of the world. Punkin Head's best friend was Indian and knew Bangalore, I do not recall him recommending the sandals.

As this travel schedule is changing every few hours I am not getting interested until I have better information. BD asked me about Emirates, if they fly into Dallas I need to find out what alliance they belong to, they don't fly into Detroit.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

What a dame

Said dame, my niece, is getting ready for boot camp. She is such a trooper and a very good soul. I hope the Navy keeps her soul intact and teaches her a little about steel. She is my current favorite, my favorite is always the last one I saw. My nephew is not staying in touch and that worries me, he also needs a bit of steel. And he never did like Camp Auntie XXXXX, I put up with no shit from the kids. Actually the kids never gave me any shit.

Big Daddy is processing his new paperwork as the pee pee was drug free. I wonder how soon he will go to India, yuckoo. The sing song makes us both crazy, when you work with people that lie in sing song, it tends to make you nuts.

The Expresso pot needs to go in for service, BD bought a new toaster that seems to toast in one cycle, he bought a stupid digital timer from China that is a pain in the ass (I did ask him what were you thinking), and I still need a lawn mower.

My back is out again which pisses me off, I am getting the hives about 2 times a week (been to the best of the best with no results, long story) IBS is slowing down and I gained 3 pounds with the no smoking thing. I am hopeful to turn this all around this week.

As we are sharing cooking and thinking  up menus I was happy to see Cinqo de Mayo is Saturday, which is BD's cooking day and he can do his Mexican extravaganza. We use my grandmother's recipes with some additions from the Internet. My grandmother travelled to Mexico way back in the day with her sister and brother-in-law the wrestler. He used to wrestle his bear for the crowds. Word is he had a belt and was famous. Don't know what happened to the bear but when he retired they all became very respectable. And we got the recipes.

My grandmother's other sister was a roller derby queen. My grandmother was the tamest of the bunch and trust me she was known for cutting up.