Saturday, July 16, 2011
Significant Others Cheapest Chinese Robe ever
This is Big Daddy giving me his best moves. Have you ever just looked at your partner and fell on the floor laughing. BD does that for me.
When we lived in the states on more than one occasion people remarked that he looked just like Dick Cheney. Gennifer Flowers said it during one of her shows, okay maybe she always said it, but TSA clerks wanding him down in airports also said it , while wanding him down. It was the bane of existence for many years. People always said he looked like an FBI agent in photos.
When we traveled together he always wore suits or at minimum jackets and was a very sober looking individual. He just does not look like a fun guy.
Which is what makes it so hilarious.
Years ago my mother gave him one of the most fucked up of all presents for his birthday. Yes, this one was worse than the size XL cowboy pajamas. The outfit consisted of black nylon shorts with thousands of holes in them and a red shirt with Chinese writing up the front. The shirt was also not a known material by US standards. It was so fucking ugly that it made ugly a new word. He wore it every chance he got. This material would never deteriorate, it was indestructible. Mow the lawn, Chinese outfit, try to go to town I would take the keys and threaten divorce.
We went on a charity weekend trip to Leamington, Ontario and camped out for one night. Now this trip is memorable for many reasons. The first is that I do not camp. The second is that I (as any smart person would) suspected my son was having sex with his girlfriend. I remember telling him exactly when I would be home on Sunday morning, his disbelief, and walking in on them in bed together at the exact time I told them I would do that. Yes, I did not say a word, but gave him the look that said don't try to fool mama. The third of course involves the Chinese outfit.
Now not being a camper, never wanting to be a camper and really refusing to believe that people actually choose to sleep in tents this was an eye opener. We put up our tent with the other tenting assholes and we were all set. And we ate and drank and told stories around the campfire. And then it was time to go to bed. Now truth be told BD camped for years. He hunted, fished, and tramped through the forests of America. He visited 48 states on a motorcycle. He saw Evel Knievel at Snake River. His first Superstar. So anyway, it was time to go to sleep. We went into the tent and got ready to sleep. For me this meant looking for the flashlight and securing my water bottle. I turned around and BD was naked. In the tent. Then he put on the Chinese outfit. I was howling now and I am sure everyone in the other tents thought we were probably having much more fun than they were.
Big Daddy will wear any cheap piece of shit someone will give him and make no bones about it, it was free.
Big Daddy also asked why I was laughing so hard while I typed this and asked if I was blogging about when he had to sleep under the ping pong table. Maybe I should do that next.