Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Politics and Cars and Comics

All my contact with the outside world this week is newspapers and what a wealth of hilarity. Love the Internet versions for the really, really stupid blogs that follow the stories.

Favorite stories: Kwame flying in a private plane to tony nilla-vanilla Dallas suburb for a job interview in a "foreign" car from mama's house in Detroit, Monica Conyers paying attorneys from her campaign fund to find out if a Federal Investigation may hurt her re-election campaign, Two Penny Jenny wants to put a windmill farm in the wind-less hood, and the best for last-tada...Sidney Torres in New Orleans paying garbage men to spray paint garbage they are not supposed to pick-up. Can it get better than this?

Let us break this down in more manageable bites.

Who was in the meeting when the decision was made that news coverage of the former mayor (who seems to be the target of ANOTHER Federal Investigation) being released from jail should portray him and mama as insensitive spendthrift narcissists. A Hyundai is bad enough, but a private plane from a man who owes a million bucks to Detroit? From a Navigator to a Hyundai-maybe Al Gore is going to hire him to help Jenny set up a windmill farm in Dallas.

Monica, if you have to ask lawyers if a federal investigation will hurt your chances of re-election in Detroit-the answer is free from me. Not in Detroit. You and John rule. Until the Feds put you in jail you will always have a place in the heart of Detroiters.

Jenny, just stop. We are freezing here in the Motor City and you want us to heat, light and charge up the car with windmills? WINDMILLS. Lady, with this amount of record breaking snowfall if I do not have 12 foot drifts there is no wind. None, nada, not happenin. Look outside the tinted windows, roll them down-there is a button on the switch plate on the door trim panel for this-there is no wind.

And yes even New Orleans has an automotive connection. In the City Council Debate over the trash contract the council debated the fact that the residents had a Cadillac, got a Camry and wanted a Lexus or a Jaguar. WTF. Tell me how these automobiles are connected and what they have to do with trash? Detroit versus Georgetown, Japan versus India. Motown excellence versus Derby middle of the pack? The Karate Kid versus Slumdog Millionaire? And just what city spray paints garbage that is not supposed to be picked up? What is wrong with you people? This is a simple fix, you either put a bunch of lackadaisical people on the public payroll, you contract a private firm to pick up all the trash or you make everyone take their own trash to a dump. And you charge according to whatever method is decided upon to work for the city. Period. There is no more discussion. Millions of people do this and it works. Quit trying to re-invent the wheel.

Well I guess I should be grateful I don't need to climb into my Hyundai or Lexus (never, never, never-remember the USS Arizona) to climb my 12 foot high snowdrift (nil, nada, nothing) to apply at the windmill company that will be built on the urban decay that Monica is in charge of. If she is not indicted. Wonder what her highly paid attorneys said.

Oh yea, where is Frazz in the Freep.

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