Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Why does Delta Airlines suck?

Now that I am a newly repatriated American, or as Mexico likes to say Norte Americano, or as some might say, citizen of these United States, I no longer feel the need to be conciliatory to the asshats of the world. As Miss Donna would say, I feel like cutting-up. Yes, ma'am, I do feel the need to bitch.

I am one of those people that will take you at your word. Until you fuck me over. Then I might look for details that prove you to be a lying, thieving, piece of shit.  That is why I must post about the whoring, asswipe, fecking idiots that work for Delta Airlines.

We made a deal, me and Delta. I would purchase their crappy flights and they would kinda get me where I wanted to go most of the time. Then The Spawn of Devil, aka Delta, started changing the rules. They were sneaky about it, never really admitting they were changing shit, they were just adjusting for the current economy. Their web-site sometimes reflected some changes and sometimes not.

My latest experience with the three headed dog from hell wannabees makes me wonder why people keep buying the products. The Medallion status gets you mostly nothing, the Sky Club is worthless and customer service is non-existant. Just so you know, I fly Delta because it is where I want to go (not that they always get me there), I live in a hub and everything else is a side benefit from a Plat AMEX (not a Delta AMEX), I do not go out of my way for this abuse.

First, their web-site states that Platinum status is upgraded according to a schedule. They publish the schedule. They publish your turn. They publish the odds; how many seats, how many hopefuls, your turn in line.

Then they don't do the upgrades and their response is "There are other airlines". Well, no shit, I am amazed, I thought all those other planes were phony big Tonka toys sitting at the gates.

Second, they blamed me. I am only Gold, and even though I was number 4 out of 4 on the fucking list, I was the hold-up. The web-site says upgrade at 5 days for Gold and 3 days for Plat. I don't care if you hold seats to make money, just say so, don't dangle shit in front of people. Okay, just admit you don't follow your PRN and tell people. Own it.

Third, and this is priceless, they upgraded Big Daddy at the last minute but would not put me in BD's former aisle seat. Because they had already given it away. How do you put someone in a seat someone else is sitting in? They gave away my upgrade to someone more important, and gave away BD's seat prior to moving him? And then they moved me to an exit row and a flight with no seats. WTF.

So I sat in First as a Valentine present and as thanks for all the middle seats I sat in with China Southern. BD sat in the exit row.

And I got the wacko seat mate. This dude was so weird I almost asked for a Priest and I am not Catholic. He had everything he owned stuffed under the seats including the pillow and blanket. He took the middle so he had two under seat compartments. This of course took enormous amounts of energy to keep all his stuff from falling all over the floor. He wanted me to crawl over him to get into my window seat, and I have a rule "get your sorry ass up and let me in like a normal person". If you cannot stand up and let me in you are a safety risk to me. He also had bad gas. Horrible. He went to the lav while the plane was at the gate. (Proving he could walk) He then spent the entire flight hitting on the Flight Attendant and stalking her in the galley when she tried to hide. Then he gave me a song and dance in Detroit that he could not get off the plane without help, so I could not leave the plane either.  He is so lucky I did not bonk his head.

And those Delta bastards did not have cheese in the Sky Club. Nor did they have Sun Chips or any Chocolate on the plane. In.First.Class. So much for those promises.

Would it not be better to advertise they have no intention of honoring the Priority programs and just get down and dirty and tell people the truth: We oversell our planes, we do not have a clue if you might get to your destination and we will treat you however we feel like it depending on our moods.

Oops, I guess they did when they told us there are other airlines.


  1. I fly about once eveRy four years, so my rants involve mainly bad drivers and bad asphalt. I thought for a second that Delta was the third letter of the Greek alphabet and that might have been why they were a three headed dog from the underworld, but I was wrong, delta is fourth. Perhaps that name eXplains their fourth place attitude. Its a three headed alpha dog eat three headed alpha dog world. Being a dog owner, I wish that were a cat saying, or better yet, gerbils.

  2. Sorry I haven't 'contributed' recently -especially since you seemed to have escaped he place I call home!

    Not sure if you will ever admit it to yourself, but I hope in the years to come you will look back at your time in China and raises smile - it will at least provide you with plenty of story material.

    Best of luck and keep writing :)

    1. China will always make me smile, it is one of the funniest places on earth, I did not lose my sense of humor, just my sense of self.

  3. Wow - you really don't like Delta! I have only flown United in the USA in recent years - and that sucks - but not as bad as your China/USA experiences. I love the messages from the airline President in each issue of airline magazines on board where he tells you how much they love you and care for you. Maybe they believe it? I guess they don't fly coach with fat gassy fucks.